I read in the Tribune yesterday that the IRA are on their way back. As if we don’t have enough going on and enough shite to deal with now these cunts are at it again.
Now, these days the world simply sees the Irish as drunkards instead of terrorist drunkards, what with the Muslims having caught all the headlines but if the New IRA blows up somewhere in England then we might as well go round with robes and great flowing beards and wives that know their places. We’ll be subject to racial profiling at airports. For many of us this won’t matter but the poor ginger haired fella in the Aran jumper and wellies is going to get a full cavity search every time.
Apparently they’ve separated the wheat from the chaff and rebuilt the organisation. I suppose like any company, youth club or cunt’s convention they have ups and downs. They probably needed to get rid of a few bad apples, you know, get some fresh blood in. Even the greatest football teams can go stale but the addition of a zippy new winger, a midfield general and a star striker can get things back on track again. They’ve got a Christian O’Ronald, a Francis McFabregas and a Fernand O’Torres on board and it’s going to make all the difference.
Obviously the IRA will be launching devestating attacks on the UK mainland now. They say of their objectives -
Targets aren’t always chosen on legitimacy but on whether hitting them would be politically expedient or counter-productive and on the likely effect on public support.
So, they may blow up things that aren’t necessarily legitimate targets but if they reckon it’d curry favour with your average Joe then they’d do it. It’s nice to see this IRA is holding firm to its principles from the very start. They have a mission, they are dedicated to it, they will fight what they consider to be a legitimate campaign against the ‘occupation’ and they’ll also just explode stuff to make people happy. Fucking tops.
It appears that they’re also working the on the volcano theory of terrorist activity. When asked if they would be attacking Britain they said -
We will attack Britain where and when we see fit. The law of averages suggests the longer a target hasn’t been hit, then the more likely it is to be attacked.
The same is true of volcanoes. The longer one goes without eruption the more likely it is to erupt. Or something. Anyway, even the biggest dunce in the special class at school knows the law of averages isn’t any kind of fucking law at all. When it boils down to it any situation is simply 50-50. It will either happen or it won’t. Time without explosion has nothing to do with anything. It seems one of the new recruits must have gotten the Oxford book of Clichés for Christmas and had one of his less retarded relatives read it out loud to him.
Then there’s the name. The provisional IRA, old hat. The continuity IRA, done. The Real Ira, that’s so pre-Good Friday. They need something Web 2.0. Just back to basics IRA should do it. No fuss, no mess, simple, easy to remember. And they need to make sure they get friends as quickly as possible. Now, I’m not going to be responsible for any kind of IRA strategy but I think the new logo I’ve designed for them should give them a very good hint at how they can go about it (click for bigger).
[photopress:newiralogo.jpg,thumb,pp_image]
Let’s hope they’re net savvy enough to take advantage of this free consultancy.
But can they compete in this cut throat terrorist world nowadays? A few pub bombings, a bandstand and a bit of a shopping centre isn’t going to impress anyone these days. When you have the Al Qaeda lads beheading people with blunt Swiss army knives and posting the videos to friendly TV stations this version of the IRA is going to look a bit crap. I can’t imagine them capturing some bloke walking down the street in England, videoing his brutal murder and then sending the video to TG4, can you?
The stakes have been raised. Planting a bomb, running off then phoning someone up and saying ‘We’ve planted a bomb. The codeword is Horslips‘, then detonating the thing before people get a chance to escape is not how it’s done these days. It’s not even close. Flying planes into buildings, blowing up trains and buses and strapping bombs to yourself and becoming a martyr is the way it works. Anything less and people will think they’re just a bunch of all-talk, mouthy cunts who don’t really believe what they’re saying but quite like acting the big ‘I am’ around the place. Without suicide shillelaghs and self-murdering Christy Moore fans nobody’s going to take them seriously.
Still, I’m sure they’ll fight what they consider to be the good fight and I suppose they could do better than the last lot. Let’s face it, when they started there were 6 ‘occupied’ counties. They waged a war, killed hundreds of innocent people, destroyed thousands of lives and at the end of it all there were still 6 ‘occupied’ counties.
This new lot don’t have much to live up to.
“The law of averages suggests the longer a target hasn’t been hit, then the more likely it is to be attacked.”
Could there possibly be a more stupid quote? What if it were:
“The law of averages suggests the more a target is hit, the less often it can be hit as it takes time to build another target.”
If they just said that instead, we could all say “Now there goes someone with a very firm grasp of the blatantly obvious.” But no, they chose the retarded route.
There is a bright side, though. They sound stupid enough to detonate themselves as they assemble their devices. Can’t wait.
If they really are up with the times, they would outsource the whole “operations” side of things to the Al Qaeda franchise and just concentrate on marketing. That way, they could expand operations to the colonies as well as the mainland without significantly impacting their cost/benefit ratio.
And if things go badly wrong, “negative publicity-wise”, they can always blame their suppliers and announce that they are seeking tenders from alternative suppliers “going forward”, etc. etc.
Now I only Read the online version of this article(partially) this morning(Sun) so I will stand to correction, but I thought that article was about the Real IRA, and not about the Provisional IRA as you suggested in your piece.
You’ve done it now 20,,,
All this free publicity and not a post office robbed
How odd. No mention of that at all in the Sunday Sport. I read it from cover to cover and found nothing. Perhaps it will feature in todays Sport? Is it possible that the Turbine just made it all up?
Bald Devil loves you all.
I thought that article was about the Real IRA, and not about the Provisional IRA as you suggested in your piece.
Real, provisional, continuity, corn-fed – all the same.
Corn-fed! Now thats funny..
Bald Devil loves you all.
This all sounds a bit suspect. Has the whiff of a publicity stunt about it.
Do the Wolfe Tones have a new CD coming out by any chance?
We could send you a few hundred Black and Tans to sort them IRA out, most of these are half Irish Man united supporters but I’m sure you’ll welcome them with open arms( no pun intended) they could be billeted in Croke Park from where they would have easy access to all the trouble spots in the bogs.
yeah, they’ll have to do something really evil this time to top Al Qaeda like using mentally handicapped ….
oh Al Qaeda already got that one.
They’ll have to invent an aborted-fetus rape-bomb or something, otherwise the public just won’t be interested.
Terrorism isn’t worth shit these days if you’re not prepared to strap explosives on and blow yourself up. Should the ‘Real IRA’ (won’t they please stand up?) take such a course of action they should have the manpower for a good four or five operations and if they team up with sister organisation ‘Move over the INLA’ that could see fully seven or eight suicide operations roll out before they’re all dead and we never have to waste another breath talking about what useless cunts these fuckers are.
Now if they were to express their cause through the medium of celebrity ice-skating, I might be prepared to listen….
Real, provisional, continuity, corn-fed – all the same.
So if a number of groups all seem to have a similar goal, and utilize similar methods of achieving those goals then they are all the same??
sorry forgot to close i-tag
Persil Bio, Persil Non-Bio, Persil Colour,Persil Aloe Vera . . . It’s all Persil.
I’d much prefer non-biological warfare myself…
Its quicker, and less painful.
Careful now… I’m sure Twenty doesn’t want a Persil Bomb left at a book signing.
Hey there’s a lot of Persil fanatics out there.
Give a Persil Bio man a Persil Non-bio shirt and he’ll blow your kneecaps out.
Man Utd., Chelsea, Aresenal, Liverpool: They are all just teams trying to win the Premiership!!
Morgor
you can leave the “http://” blank you know.
Is it
not applicable?
not available?
none a ya biznazz??
They really are the biggest bunch of cowardly cunts, aren’t they? I’ll be the first to admit I’d walk away from a fight rather than get punched but put me in a room with the BASTARD who organised the pre-Mother’s Day bombing all those years ago and I’ll kick his fucking balls inside out.
Oh, and the one who thought it would be a good idea to apologise afterwards in some weird attempt to blame the British government. You and me. Locked room. Plank of wood with a nail in it. Winner takes all.
Or are you all too chickenshit?
Thought as much. Another bunch of shits, boys with guns, children trying to be big men and only succeeding in giving the rest of the people from your country a bad name.
Fucking pathetic. The whole cunting lot of the bastards.
Fuck this is no way to have a debate, we should do this in a pub, there is no waiting for replies then… and you dont have to worry about italics or spelling, I cant even remember what we are discussing.. I’m off to the pub to find a wino to discuss it with
See yez
n/a for “not arsed”, to have a blog that is.
I’ve cleared it for ya anyway. Just so people don’t get confused when they click on the link.
“Where has http://n/a gone? who’s the webmaster?”
Fuck this is no way to have a debate, we should do this in a pub
Not a great idea when you think of the IRA’s track record.
lol @ maggot
I remember watching a ‘Brits Out’ march through O’Connell st in the 80s. All those lovely patriotic northeners walking briskly passed the GPO. Almost every one of them had a copy of the Daily Mirror shoved in their jacket pockets. Gas eh?
do they all still drink downstairs at The Flowing Tide?
So cnut, Al Qaeda operatives from Africa and the Middle East doing battle with the British army in Belfast, eh?
A case of the Black and Tans versus the Black and Tans.
heh heh.
O very droll indeed !!!
Corn fed, organic, free range IRA is better for you
But more expensive.
If they start blowing up things again I’m gonna be really pissed. Can’t be dealing with any more time talking Mr Homeland Security in the airport asking me am I am member of a criminal or terrorist organisation. I’m not a fucking cop, I can just lie! And did anyone touch it while I wasnt fucking looking? I dont know your twat. Did they?
but tastes better
Here, Mary Dote! The Flowing Tide is a great pub downstairs.
You’re thinking of the kip accross the road.
What are the chances that they have already been infiltraded by the Brits?
The chances are so high that it was probably a Brit giving the interview to the Tribune.
IRA_Lite.com anyone?
No, it’s full of aspartame.
how about “i can’t believe it’s not IRA”?
Would this story have anything to do with their return?
http://www.breakingnews.ie/ireland/mheyqlgbkfoj/
If this new lot injured/killed a European Head of State, a member of a Royal Family and the monarch of “the old enemy”, then the shit would really hit the fan, eh?
“Targets aren’t always chosen on legitimacy but on whether hitting them would be politically expedient or counter-productive and on the likely effect on public support.”
er… what public support? A few mongs who turn up in Celtic shirts to protest against “foreign” games in Croke Park ain’t exactly wide grass roots support.