ARGH
*bring bring* – *bring bring* -*bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* -*bring bring* – *bring bring*
“Thank you for calling. If you are looking for X, please dial Y, if you are calling for Z then you must please hang up and call 1890 CUNTBAG.
Please listen carefully and choose from the following options:
For XY, press 1.
For XYZ, press 2.
For ABC, press 3.
For DEF, press 4.
For ZAX, press 5.
If at any time you wish to speak to a customer service representative press zero.”
*presses zero*
*bring bring* – *bring bring* -*bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* -*bring bring* – *bring bring*
“Thank you, the call centre is closed at this time (12.45pm, seriously). To return to the main menu press star.”
*presses star*
“Thanks for your call, goodbye.”
ARRRRRRRRRRRGH.
I will kill someone if I ever manage to get hold of them.
February 4th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
I normally find a hammer and a few lumps of concrete good in these situations.
February 4th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Have you ever managed to transmit them down a phone line that no cunt ever answers?
February 4th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
one company, i won’t name names, (123.ie) has a very annoying on hold thing.
When you’re waiting to connect it keeps ringing, but every 5 minutes it stops and someone says “hello…. thank you for waiting blah blah”.
So when you’re waiting there with half an ear, you hear a voice, think someone has picked up, then the vein in your forehead starts throbbing more as you realise its a recorded message.
February 4th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
NTL do that too, but do it every 30 or 40 seconds.
Cunts.
I REALISE I’M STILL IN A QUEUE BECAUSE NO CUNT HAS PICKED UP, YOU CUNTS.
February 4th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Back oh bring back oh bring back my bonnie to me to me
February 4th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Never go through the public phone number. Get the direct line for the head of customer services or the chief executive. Ring them and be ultra polite and apologetic about having to contact them, taking up their valuable time etc etc. They get the message. We took BT on in this way and got money back.
February 4th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Did you ever try mailing any of them?
February 4th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Mailing works? Don’t try emailing them – that’s customer service’s revenge that one.
February 4th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
After some time on the phone I have gained a modicum of satisfaction. I shall follow this up with a handwritten missive which will, I hope, be even more effective than the patronising politeness.
February 4th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Thanks for printing the extract from the NTL training manual…
February 4th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Dirty Dave finally got caller ID then.
February 4th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Whilst living in the states a number of years ago I had to call ComEd the ESB of the US. After the phone rang, it was answered by a machine which asked me to press 1. to continue…
Like I had just called to hear that dring dring sound, and thank you I was done now…
Of course In most cases you are better off not continuing…
February 4th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
whilst????
February 4th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Sorry about that.
February 4th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Erstwhile, tarrying at mine own dowdy abode I did harken Sam scurrying hither.
“How’s it going boss?” I did announce.
“Not too bad boy” he related.
February 4th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
The Iarnrod Eireann one is mad, you’ll say Belfast for destination and it will answer ‘did you say Cork?’. So I just go ‘help, help, help, help, help’ until they realise I am saying ‘help’ and put me through to a person.
I told NTL after waiting on their helplines that if I heard vivaldi again I would punch the nearest person to me and it would be their fault.
February 4th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Welcome to the world of electronic comuncation progress. The day is not far off when it will get even better. You’ll call and you don’t even get a recording. Only silence and then be billed for services rendered.
February 4th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
The worst of the worst in my trans-gender experience is MBNA. They just send you around in circles until you’re so fucking exhausted that you press some gallbag button that sends you out checks for money you can’t afford. My heart was broken by them and I have an iron heart…and then I get on to some fuck-dog in India who saz: Gooden mourning Sir how ken I halp u todee? I replied it’s miss and the shit head said, I’m sorry but it says Mr here…I told him I was now a miss and he said he couldn’t help me, that nobody could help me. I felt so alone.
February 4th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
Bald Devil thinks you fuck-wits have way too much time on your hands. Must be great to be unemployed or have a job where you can fuck around on the internet at will. I am guessing civil servants here?
Cunts.
Bald Devil loves you all.
February 4th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
Yes, every single person who comments here is a civil servant.
February 4th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Seems like it if the times of posts are anything to go by. Pretty quiet at weekends and all that? Glad you cleared that one up.
Bald Devil loves you all.
February 4th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
NTL are fucking brilliant. If you are in a queue to talk to some cunt who cannot help you the tune will play all fucking night. If you ask them to put you through to customer retention you get thirty seconds then the line goes dead. Quality!
February 4th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Yeah, Devil, imagine people who have internet access all day and aren’t too arsed doing any work sitting around and making comments on a website. That it would be the busiest time of the day is really difficult to get your head around but do try, there’s a good twat.
SoS – Am thinking about ditching NTL as my broadband provider. I wonder if I tell them I’m canceling will they offer anything to make me stay.
If my experience with them is anything to go by about 6 months after I change they’ll ring me up and say ‘Oh, are you leaving?’
February 4th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Twenty you flirt!! XX
However, My name is Bald Devil not just Devil. May be a small thing but there again so is your intelligence.
Bald Devil loves you all.
February 4th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
Zzzzz, you are the most tedious cunt alive.
February 4th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
I post tedious comments in response to tedious posts.
Ho Humm
Bald Devil loves you all.
February 4th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
http://balddevil.wordpress.com/
See those tedious posts? I don’t comment on them. Perhaps you might do me the same courtesy, you fucking spoon.
February 4th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
Hope you enjoyed your visit. Feel free to leave a comment or not its all the fucking same to me?
Sound familiar????
February 4th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
Ntl won’t do anything if you threaten to leave. I gave them a bollocking 2 months ago after they failed to show up 3 times. They said that it was my perogative and could they help me with anything else this morning? They should have it on an automatic recording and save themselves the trouble of repeating it ad nauseum to pissed off punters.
Bald Devil is a dick.
February 5th, 2008 at 4:56 am
Twenty, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that link to Bald Devil’s blog. I only wish you had posted it sooner, as I had no idea he had a blog of his own.
To think that I once told that horrible cunt that I loved him has made me realise that I’m a fucking idiot sometimes.
February 5th, 2008 at 7:44 am
Thanks for the metion Twenty. Just keep the compliments coming.
Monkey Balls – A correction. You are a fucking idiot ALL the time.
Bald Devil loves you all.
February 5th, 2008 at 8:35 am
It’s like talking to a fucking 5 year old. A retarded 5 year old at that.
February 5th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Why not join the Bald Devil anger management classes Twenty? I am feeling your anger and I think it is a self-destructive emotion. Help yourself before its too late I implore you. And as for you Monkey Balls, let Me know when Twenty’s cock is gagging at the back of your neck you cock-sucking sycophant…
Bald Devil loves you all.