Ch-ch-change, not changes

Actors – what a bunch of self-indulgent, up their own arses cunts. I think you have to be a bit of a lunatic to want to be an actor anyway, which is probably why so many of them take the River Phoenix option.

Like yer man from that new Batman film, Heath Ledger. Then I was thinking if you changed just one letter in his name he becomes Death Ledger. Spooky, or what? Then I was thinking further what fun, relatively speaking, you could have by changing one letter of a person’s name to make another word. Or something.

Shane Hogarty – Irish Times columnist and man who likes to roll around in filth on farms

Willie O’Pea – gun toting government minister, fistcuffs seeker and little round green fuckwit

Cock the Robber – Limerick blogger who will steal from you with his big, red helmet

Daniel Gay Lewis – Actor and huge Streisand fan

Enda – haunting vocals, crayon drawn videos and perfectl elevator music from one of Donegal’s favourite sons

Wavin Friday – A shit hanger-on in pipe form

Toy Keane – a little plastic ex-Man United footballer. Batteries not included.

Oral Barry – radio presenter and fellatio expert

And that’s just Irish people. Go worldwide and it’s even better.

Uri Yeller – loudmouthed celebrity ‘psychic’.

Lenny Truce – Comic who can always find a conciliatory tone during any conflict

Jane Honda – Vietnam hating actress and easy ride

Nicole Kidmap – ex-Ginger who you can open out to find out where your children are and how to get there

Sarah Jessica Barker – Dog

You see, the possibilities are almost endless. Let’s have yours.

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