Fa-fa-fa-fa-Fashion
“What the fuck are you wearing?”, I said to Stinking Pete as he came through the doors of Ron’s last night.
“What do you mean?”, he said.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Pete”, said Jimmy the Bollix, “you look like a right cunt, and no mistake.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You don’t?”
“No, I don’t”, he said defiantly.
“Ok, it’s the middle of winter, it’s fucking freezing outside, and you’ve come in here in a pair of knackered old denim dungarees, with no t-shirt underneath, with a handkerchief wrapped around your head and these weird slipper type shoes on your feet.”
“You fuckers are so old fashioned”, he said.
“Old fashioned?”
“Yeah. You don’t have your finger on the pulse like I do. This is what all the young hipsters are wearing these days. Yesterday I picked up the most fashionable long playing record of the week and decided that as my image could do with an update anyway I would copy them and their style. It’s the way everyone does it. You can sit there in your pants and shirts and other warm clothes but you won’t be as hip to the groove as I am.”
“I see”, I said. “And what would the name of this long playing record be and which particular beat combo released it.”
“Oh, you wouldn’t have heard of them.”
“Try me.”
“Ok, it’s Too-ray-aye by Dexy’s Midnight Runners. Told you you wouldn’t know it.”
“Jesus wept. Pete, that was from 1982.”
“No it wasn’t.”
“It most certainly was. You must surely have heard the big hit ‘Come on Eileen’. It was number one for weeks.”
“Huh?”
“Always played at weddings, 21sts and any other kind of ‘disco’ where the DJ brings his own gear and lights in the back of a little mini-van.”
“Never heard it. You’re taking the piss.”
“I assure you I’m not. Do you not remember them on Top of the Pops when they had their other hit single ‘Jackie Wilson says’ and in the background some plank at the BBC had a big picture of rather rotund Scottish darts player ‘Jocky Wilson’ instead of the American soul singer the song was about?”
“I do not. But the bloke in the shop assured me this LP was all the rage.”
“How much did you pay for it.”
“99c”
“Right. There you go then.”
“Oh, I feel a bit foolish now.”
“You look a bit foolish too.”
“Yeah, I can see that. Man, it’s hard to keep up with the trends, isn’t it?”
“It sure is, Pete.”
“Well, I’d better go home and change.”
“Good man.”
“I’ll go home and get into my normal trousers.”
“That’s it.”
“And then I stick a bunch of flowers down the back of them. That’s what all the particularly fly kids are doing these days, Twenty.”
“Sweet mother of mercy. Pint of Jaegermeister please, Ron.”
January 11th, 2008 at 10:04 am
Twenty, don’t you know that Jaegermesiter is just so 2002
January 11th, 2008 at 10:29 am
I must admit I laughed heartily at that. The imagery was top notch.
You’re still a feckless cunt, but
January 11th, 2008 at 11:10 am
I have had an image of Joe Dolce pretend painting in my head for the last two hours you complete and utter bastard.
Also, tell Stinking Pete to stop shopping at Virgin.
January 11th, 2008 at 11:11 am
Snarf, and I thought I was the one with the disgusting imagery today. Pete’s bare chest? bleeeee.
January 11th, 2008 at 11:42 am
fashion and religion are two things which I despise.
I’ll add paedophiles and Will Smith to the list later.
January 11th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
I think that despite what social commenters may say about the seventies, the eighties gave birth to some horrendous fashion items including that must have for lesbians the dungarees.
I also think Morrissey was/is a twat
January 11th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Can I just comment on your title, the “Fa-fa-fa-fa-Fashion” bit?
I think it’s wonderful to see someone stealing from Bowie for a change. That cunt made his name by stealing from his mates and collaborators, ie. Ronson, Eno, Iggy Pop, Lou Reed, The Laughing Gnome….the list goes on…
It’s nice to see one of his “mates” doing it back to him.
There, I said it. Meant to say it the other day when it might’ve been more topical, but I fell down the stairs.
Thanks.
January 11th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Hang the Puerile Pish
January 11th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Well, Twenty. You should never name-drop, Mick Jagger told me that.
Just thought I’d pass it on…
January 11th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Dungarees have been around since Cain bummed Abel to death in the garden of Eden you buffoon.
January 11th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
I’m still quite taken with Dexy and his popular beat combo, you know.
January 11th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
Twenty,
Why do you tolerate such stupid fuckwits on your comments page?
“Dexy and his popular beat combo”? Sounds like some faggot wanker who likes to imagine pictures of big cocks while he wanks. “Still quite taken” up the brown star more like. Bet that asshole sod likes Hino Cup Rugger and shoving tampons up his gay mates asses in the shower. There again, he probably likes the music of Phil Collins as well. Phil has sooo much to say after all.. CUNT.
Bald Devil loves you all.
January 11th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
I could help you there baldy. Anger management is one of my specialities, I’m really rather good at it…..
January 11th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
Accusing somebody of liking Phil Collins is disgusting, bald. Have you no shame?
January 11th, 2008 at 11:04 pm
Would I not be correct in saying that Phil Collins IS the Bald Devil?
Nice try mate, but fuck off back to the Eighties. No-one here is buying your shameless self-promotion. “Phil has sooo much to say after all..”(sic)
Big hug to SOS. Don’t mind him. You’re lovely. He’s the cunt.
January 12th, 2008 at 2:07 am
jay whitlow and eric y would have to agree that the 80’s were indeed a time of mourning in terms of music and attire.
January 12th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
Monkey Balls.
Clearly you have no sense of the ironic. Bald Devil would rather suck on those monkey balls of yours than listen to that talentless dick Phil.
Actully let me correct that last statement. Judging by your comments, Phil has a lot more to say than you do and thats really stretching a point dont you think?
Go pick some nits out of your pubes you simian cunt!
Bald devil loves you all.
January 13th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Bald Devil.
Clearly you have no knowledge of the video game Monkey Ball. http://tinyurl.com/2oxfj7 The name was bestowed upon me by a mate, in reference to the fact that I never stop rolling.
Actully, [sic] I’d be quite happy to let you correct ALL your statements. Be my guest.
And you can suck my balls anytime you’re ready, CUNT.
January 13th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Should’ve finished off with;
Bald Devil is bisexual.
January 13th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Does that mean he likes both men and boys, Monkey?
January 13th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Dear God, why didn’t we notice sooner. Bald Devil is a priest!
January 14th, 2008 at 7:22 am
Bald Devil thinks you need to get out more Monkey. He is surprised by the fact you have any mates at all!
Go back to your games like a good little boy.
Bald Devil loves you all.
January 14th, 2008 at 8:51 am
Bald Devil is a tedious cunt.
Everyone hates Bald Devil.
January 14th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
You know Twenty, I really believe that just about all of your commenters are your sock puppets – I envision you sitting at the computer hard at work sledging yourself mercilessly.
Sigh. Poor Pete, he’s so late he could be an innovator. All he needs now is a nipple ring (shudders) uhhhh
January 14th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Hah, I really don’t have the time, energy or inclination for any of that. They’re all real.
And that’s the scary part.
January 15th, 2008 at 2:09 am
I’m not.
January 15th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Hi Twenty,
Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But Bald Devil still loves you all.
January 11th, 2010 at 11:03 am
Bald devil and monkey balls all in one post ….sounds like there in bed together this morning hugging and fisting each other
Would yee every go out and look for a bita work lads not to be in or around these blogs with yer farting jackets on wondering why your getting chaffing on your fingers and thumbs
January 11th, 2010 at 12:31 pm
Hi Feynman.
I don’t remember any of this.
What are you doing back here anyway?