Operation Transformation
So apparently Gerry Ryan is going to present a new TV show which helps fat people get thin, or something. It’s called Operation Transformation and it’s the equivalent of ‘Babysitting with Ian Huntley’ or ‘How to drink in moderation with George Best and Oliver Reed’.
It’s the kind of show that might be vaguely watchable if it was the blustering jowl monster himself being put through ‘Operation Transformation’. And even then it would only be good if they brought him into a hospital and allowed really drunk people to perform unnecessary surgeries on him.
“Right, today random tramp we found in an alley, you have to remove Gerry’s arm and replace it with this shovel.”
“*hic*, gimme that chainsaw”.
Fat people getting thin, zzzzz. Seriously, who gives a fuck anymore? We’ve seen this kind of shit a hundred times already. Ugly people get loads of plastic surgery to make themselves slightly less ugly than they were before. Single woman tarts herself to a dozen bachelors. A handsome hunk does the same to get himself someone who’ll really love him for who he is and not because they just want to be on the fucking TV.
What about that old geebag Jodie Marsh. She had a reality TV show on MTV where the lucky bloke got to marry her.
“Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness, and in hepatitis, in VD and grotesquely stretched vagina, till death do you part?”
Funny thing was, nobody did want to fucking marry her and she ended up marrying her old boyfriend or something. There has to come a time when we just switch this shit off.
I don’t give a fuck about ordinary people, I don’t want to see them on the TV. I want Hill Street Blues and other cool stuff that makes me forget about the poxy mingers that surround us every day. I don’t want to see ‘celebrities’ doing things like dancing, cooking, surviving or jigs and cunting reels (although the picture in the Sunday Times of that plank from 2FM was just classic. I hope the money was worth it but it’s not enough to purchase a new helping of dignity).
When will it stop? You never meet anyone who says “Yeah, I love reality TV. It’s great!!”. That just means there are a fucking lot of liars in this country because they’re obviously making enough money to keep producing the things.
Why don’t people have any shame? If you want to lose weight why can’t you go to the fucking gym and eat less cakes, you fat cunt, instead of going on TV and telling us about how tired you are of being fat? Why do you feel the need to share with us your sadnesses and your inner turmoil? It just makes you look fucking pathetic. I don’t care if you’re tired of being fat, just be less fat. Problem solved. Jesus, I don’t not pay my licence fee for this kind of shit.
This quest for fame, no matter how much of a fucking dipshit you look like in the process, is the worst thing to happen to the human race since Mr and Mrs Rice decided to have a quickie in 1973. Why on earth would anyone want to be famous? It’s the poxiest thing I can think of, all those people knowing everything about you, looking at you, wanting to talk to you.
It’s base and classless, it’s abhorrent to me. It really is. Anyway, I’m sure enough stupid fuckers will watch the stupid fat fucker help the other stupid fat fuckers get less fat and next year we can all sit around and enjoy ‘Elocution for knackers with Twink’ or ‘Murphy’s LAW’, in which Gavin Lambe-Murphy picks up ‘contestants’ in various theme bars then blows them up with his rocket launcher.
Cuntbags.
January 7th, 2008 at 12:29 am
I think the guy who drove his car thru the front door of the rte studios was on to something!
January 7th, 2008 at 12:34 am
Well said Twenty, I Hate Reality TV with a fucking passion, whether it’s the ‘KNACKER NOBODY’ from the street kind (Jade Goody) or the even worse ‘I ONCE HAD A ROLE IN SOME SHITTY SOAP’ “CELEBRITY” Kind it doesn’t matter it’s all shit.
It’s cheap nasty television aimed at the bottom end of society, the uneducated, Dole drawing, Fianna Fail voter scum, that infects every city street, town and village of this country.
I also hate Gerry Ryan (If Carlsberg did CUNTS) so combine him and a bunch of LAZY FAT CUNTS – My word what a mess, the problem is stupid fuckers will watch and RTE will point to audience figures and say it was a success. Take a look at that ‘Highly Recommended bollox for example, how the fuck did someone decide that was worth making.
ALTHOUGH IF THEY ARE GOING TO MAKE IT ANYWAY I HAVE A SUGGESTION – “GET THAT FAT CUNT MARY HARNEY TO COME ON AS ONE OF THE FAT LOSERS AND THEN ALLOW THE PUBLIC RING IN AND SUGGEST DIETS AND PROGRAMMES SHE MIGHT FOLLOW TO SHED A FEW STONE..”
At least then I wouldn’t feel that my licence fee was being wasted..
January 7th, 2008 at 12:42 am
That was the truest essay ever written about “Reality” TV shows. Keep on their asses.
January 7th, 2008 at 12:56 am
Well up Twenty, one of your best for a long time. I get the feeling though that this celeb shite is reaching its vanishing point, though what will replace it, God only knows and she ain’t telling.
January 7th, 2008 at 2:17 am
Gerry Ryan loves to tell us how he played with Charlie Haugheys Children as a young fella. Talent or no talent, thats how he got into RTE. And thats where he will stay, till he decides… He also points out regularly that his radio show is very profitable, which it is. So when The Gee-Ryan brand is attached to any ball-of-shite tv programme, the desperate housewives of ireland will all tune in to hear from their god…
Ill just tune out..
Worse still was Pat Kennys radio coverage the day after the Iowa Caucas, where A HRC supporter(the one who organised her fundraiser in Dublin) couldnt even tell us listeners what HRC had done in her career to derserve to be commander in chief, except that she had life experience. Well done Kenny cutting edge political commentary..The whole media is just going down the toilet. we are devolving as a Race, into some
Tabloid Quagmire…
Sorry for going on..
I’m losing faith.
Oh Yeah. HRC is Hillary Clinton. Shit hate long replies. Sorry.
January 7th, 2008 at 2:35 am
Twenty, you were good, but this took the biscuit – or maybe it was Mary Harney? :D
“ALTHOUGH IF THEY ARE GOING TO MAKE IT ANYWAY I HAVE A SUGGESTION – “GET THAT FAT CUNT MARY HARNEY TO COME ON AS ONE OF THE FAT LOSERS AND THEN ALLOW THE PUBLIC RING IN AND SUGGEST DIETS AND PROGRAMMES SHE MIGHT FOLLOW TO SHED A FEW STONE..””
Oh how I laughed!
January 7th, 2008 at 6:17 am
There needs to be a national protest of people refusing to pay the TV licence. Thousands. I doubt they’d prosecute thousands of people. EUR 158 for the two stations I receive here in deepest Northwest Ireland is criminal.
January 7th, 2008 at 6:32 am
hear fucking hear . Too many sub standard beings being filmed and transmitted into our living rooms, I saw Paris Hilton mopping a floor while skateboarding , the mop sticking out of her arse, help I’m a millionairess , my granda took back the billions, fuck me,
January 7th, 2008 at 7:36 am
Do you play the banjo yacuncha?
January 7th, 2008 at 8:51 am
I think that the “chat shows” where some scum come on to share their particularly sordid and weird lives with the world are probably even more abhorrent than reality TV. I am not sure if they have arrived here yet (I don’t really watch TV after catching celebrity you’re a star) but you know the type of thing like Oprah etc. Its worse in the UK with the native versions seeing some cunt in a shell suit telling the world that she has kids by fifteen different fathers despite the fact she just started school , but she wants to make things right for little Shayne, Whitney,Britney,Chantelle, Chenise,Dean etc etc etc.
January 7th, 2008 at 8:53 am
Yeah, those things are fucking terrible too. It won’t be long before Seoige and O’Shea goes that route.
January 7th, 2008 at 9:02 am
The Extras Christmas Special ended on this very topic with the Andy Millman character going into Big Brother and then doing a diatribe against it. Apparently Celebrity BB currently has nobodies in there being bossed around by celebrities?? Or some such rot.
January 7th, 2008 at 9:02 am
‘Babysitting with Ian Huntley’
haha
January 7th, 2008 at 9:28 am
In one of those shows some bloke headbutted another and when it went to court the judge gave out big time it must be the first time I have agreed with a UK judge:
“It seems to me that the whole purpose of the Jeremy Kyle show is to effect a morbid and depressing display of dysfunctional people who are in some kind of turmoil,” It is for no more and no less than titillating members of the public who have nothing better to do with their mornings than sit and watch this show which is a human form of bear baiting which goes under the guise of entertainment.”
“The people responsible for this, namely the producers, should in my opinion be in the dock with you,
January 7th, 2008 at 9:35 am
I love Reality TV, I think it’s great.
January 7th, 2008 at 9:40 am
QED
January 7th, 2008 at 9:46 am
I’d watch it if it involved Harney being dumped in a pit and starved. Just to see her suffer.
January 7th, 2008 at 9:52 am
‘Elocution for knackers with Twink’
heh; v funny stuff and all true
January 7th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Here’s a simple rule I’m sure you know by now Twenty:
Shock = easy.
Entertain = hard.
And as far as TV producers et al are concerned, not only is it easier to shock, it’s a fucking hell of a lot cheaper too. So why not stick a bunch of unstable people in a pressurised environment and then turn the heat up? Maybe then the incredibly uneducated gorilla will say something like ‘vindaloo’ to the woman of Indian descent and that will turn into one of the biggest news stories of 2007.
Never forget why they do this: Easier and cheaper.
January 7th, 2008 at 10:20 am
Jeremy Kyle is a total and utter twat of the highest order.
January 7th, 2008 at 10:38 am
Reality TV makes me cringe. Irish reality tv with Gerry Ryan… slimming fat people…. will he stop eating meals with boring celebs… and munch some celery until he can fit inside Ryan Tubridy easily, and then we can have new Gaybo. Slimming… celebs… no pizza with Mary Harney… its just too easy isn’t it? Such a poverty of television production for their fat fucking salaries and tv licences. What happened to good documentaries, etc. Reality tv creates monsters through contrived settings.
The punchline of the song at the end of that episode of South Park about Paris Hilton said it all, ‘Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton, stupid whore’. Utterly agree with comments about Marsh and Goodey, as they’re just talentless – but the oxygen of tv does actually end up showing us how they’re desperate underneath it all. Likewise that ’sauf Lundun’ gal from the last BB who was only in a week when she was asking what ‘deals’ she’d get on the outside. Chanelle too, was most recently modelling on a tv advert for a NI shopping mall (where she at least didn’t have to open her mouth and say, awh, Ziggay, giz a hug).
Just dreadful and, underneath it all,and really uninteresting … it’s like watching a bad movie: you know you’re in trouble when you don’t care who lives or dies.
The latest BB show with ‘guest celebs’ is the latest version of this tripe. Do real high-achieving 20-somethings have weeks to spare on tv to act like a twat for Matt Lucas?
I found the BBBM the most interesting with the two comedian guys. They were actually intent on just taking the piss out of the participants – OMG, we’re them and they are us!!! (They’re so hot, I want to be them …)
The priceless moment, for me, was how the two boys opened the show, with a dance troupe dancing to “Thriller”, which is a song about the rise of monsters and was a moment of pure satire. I rest my case.
January 7th, 2008 at 10:39 am
QED
fuck a goat.
January 7th, 2008 at 10:48 am
I’ve never paid my TV licence, i never intend to.
I barely watch any TV at all, the only decent show I can think of that’s on RTE is “Reeling in the years”.
And i’ve only seen that 2 or 3 times.
January 7th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Anyway this slimming lark is a piece of piss, I found that taking speed daily helped my waistline no end. It was a bit harsh on the teeth but you can’t have everything. If they filled the contestants with speed it may make for some weird TV.
January 7th, 2008 at 11:37 am
How about “I’m a celebrity, Euthanase me” – the public votes for executions.
Diet show – chain them to trees for a week, nekkid babes bring them water to drink and hose them down twice a day and every sunday the public chooses one of the contestants to be butchered and cooked by Jaamie Oliver – the survivors have to eat cooked wanker while Jamie shags Jenny Bristow, That’ll larn the bitch.
January 7th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
What the fuck is a Gavin Lambe-Murphy? And speaking of reality bullshit, I tuned into some recap of some fucking show on during the year where a bunch of ‘celebs’ come on and sing songs and get judged by that fat, pug-faced cunt Brendan O’Connor and that other fat cunt, Brian McFadden. Who the fuck gave them the authority to judge people? The talentless, fat, ugly cunts. It is without a doubt one of the worst pieces of television I’ve ever seen. It’s worse than ten Hitlers. Rant.
January 7th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Brian McFadden.
A cunt indeed – how could he walk away from the British Isle’s Britney, the luscious Kerry Katona?
January 7th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
I’d say it’s because she’s an ugly, thick-as-pigshit geebag.
January 7th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
From the indo today…..
Watch fats and salts
Says dietician Victoria Taylor
The New Year is a good time to get back into healthy eating habits. A good aim is to reduce not just total fat, but saturated fat, too. This is the kind of fat that clogs arteries. Lard, butter, ghee and fattier cuts of meat should be kept to a minimum.
Pastries and pies are also high in saturated fats, but it’s difficult to tell. The best thing to do is look at the labels on the foods you eat to see if they are high in fat, salt and sugar. One of the key things to do is to maintain a balanced diet and studying food labels will help.
Hmm that’s the end of muff diving for me….
January 7th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Oh Twenty – how could you ?
She’s a sweetie.
January 7th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
“I’d say it’s because she’s an ugly, thick-as-pigshit geebag”
Here! here! And that’s being fucking kind to the retarded Scouse, bairn dropping, hacket faced spunk bucket.
January 7th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Steady on there PP.
OK – let’s see you two cunts nominate a role model woman – and I won’t accept Princess Di of Shagalot or Mother Teresa
January 7th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
you know they’re trying to make Mother Teresa a saint, the “miracle” they have chosen is a woman who recovered from a disease after having anti-biotics in hospital.
The doctor involved said that it was an impressive recovery but quite normal.
The womans husband said that it was not a miracle.
The vatican says …. you guessed it miracle.
She probably killed as many as she helped by telling people not to use condoms.
January 7th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Role Model Women
PJ Harvey
Cat Power
January 7th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Never watched any of that “reality” shite, so can I just plug the greatest thing ever on television, SHAMELESS.
Thank you.
January 7th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Role Model Women…let me think
How about yer ma?
January 7th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
On a serious note Maggot it is very difficult to come up with one name , but after a bit of research it would have to be Dana, she is wholesome and talented.
January 7th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Dana – I’ll give you that one .
Silence from Twenty.
January 7th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
It’s a silent rage, maggot.
January 7th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Ooooh er!
Would a large powers help ?
January 7th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Austin or Paddy?
January 7th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
A Paddy – hot one if you like them that way?
Remarkably soothing.
January 7th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Can I nominate Johnny’s wife please? Simply because she has my nuts in her mouth as I type.
January 7th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
That’s not his wife – it’s his sister
January 7th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Well then who the fuck is minding me kids?
January 7th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
well his sister has my balls in her ass at the same time.
a very talented woman.
high five monkey balls.
January 7th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Maxine Carr ?
She was a fine looking bit of totty!
January 7th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Heather Mills McCartney, has to be tops. She will have a leg for all occasions.
January 7th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Speaking of losing weight. Looks like Gerry Ryan himself is going to have those jowls operated on too.
http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2007-07/23/xin_550704231527315286158.jpg
January 7th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
its John Powers Whiskey, Or Paddy o’ Flaherty, or John Jameson.. Get it right Boys… you could always bet on the outcome of the latest Big brother shite with Paddy Power…
January 7th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Role Model Woman? Jenna Jameson?
January 7th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
An excellent bit of Monday spleen.
“Role model women”…?
Andrea Corr
January 7th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Jokes on you cunts. I don;t have a wife and my sister’s a munter.
January 7th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
1. Britney Spears
2. …Em…
Jaysus it is hard to come up with a second one, but it’s only the first Monday of the year – give it time….
January 7th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Johnny, she’s an ambidextrous sword-swallowing munter of a sister to be proud of.
January 7th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Not your’s, Johnny Rotten’s. So stop getting excited.
By the way, what’s a “munter”?
January 7th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Sound’s kinda sexy.
January 7th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
By the way, what’s a “munter”?
Ask yer ma
BOSH!
January 7th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
you buy a TV license ?
January 7th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Munter,,hehe,yis are all funny bastards.. no seriously.
January 7th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
you buy a TV license ?
Not at all.
January 7th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Oh I see. I misread it. Should have known better. I have one. I bought it in 1971.
February 1st, 2008 at 10:15 am
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