Not a word of a lie

“Come on, Dirty Dave”, I said, “we’re in the most tremendous hurry. We must leave at once.”

“Ok”, he said, “but I have to go for a poo.”

“Now?”

“Yes.”

“In a pub? You’d go for a poo in a pub?”

“I’d poo anywhere.”

“Well just hurry the fuck up.”

“I will.”

Some time later

“Right, I have pooed.”

“At last. Now we must away with great alacrity.”

“No problem. Just let me have a wee.”

“What?”

“I have to piss.”

“But you just went to the toilet.”

“I know, but I forgot to wee.”

“You had a poo and you forgot to wee?”

“Correct.”

“How is that even possible?”

“Who can say, Twenty? Who can say?”

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12 Responses to Not a word of a lie

  1. Dr Maroon says:

    Poo?
    Wee?

    You big tough Irish fellers sure do talk funny

  2. Ateamvanman says:

    what a load of old shit

  3. TouchingVirus says:

    I believe he must have been taking the..uhh..piss! We all know it’s only girls who can take a shite without having a leak from the front

  4. Girls don’t shite.

  5. Yes 1-4, & they definitely don’t fluff.

    You know, you are sounding rather disturbingly maternal in your dealings with Dirty Dave these days, Twenty Major.

  6. xino chung says:

    I don’t know Dave from Adam, but perhaps he does other things than poo + wee when he’s in the cubicle. Is it possible he may be doing drugs in there? Many do, I believe. Or would Dave be sexually active in the jax? I mean his name…Dirty Dave…it’s seedy. He may need help from a professional and we can all extend our compassion to him.

  7. alfie says:

    It’s ok Twenty, it sounds like he’s hermaphodite so you can keep on shagging him without feeling queer about it.

  8. SeanR says:

    I think Twenty is telling porkies, like the girl with the fake Dad died in Iraq essay:

    http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2007-12-29-fake-essay_N.htm

    You piss and shite at the same time don’t ya? Like that Bertie beast?

  9. SeanR says:

    I think, Twenty, that Durty Dave is telling porkies, like the girl with the fake Dad died in Iraq essay:

    http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2007-12-29-fake-essay_N.htm

    I bet he takes a piss and shite at the same time but just wanted to admire his work a bit, rather like the Bertie beast who shits on us all and is more incontinent that Rocco tiles and Jay zuz.

  10. nappertandy says:

    After 3 years plus I think you have finally dried up, and hit the buffers. Goodbye Twenty: the not so civil servant. I Look forward to a new blog under a different pyseudonym

  11. kev 1 says:

    he’s probably reading a draught of your new book in the jacks.

  12. alfie says:

    Des Lynam OBE, who next Mick the Pick, Seamus the Shovel, Barney the Barrow, or Paddy the Prat and part time Patriot?

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