“Jaysus”, said Stinking Pete in Ron’s last night, “it’s a bit boring in here.”
“Yeah”, said Dirty Dave, “it really is. Should we have a game of Twister? That’s always a laugh.”
“Ah no”, said Pete, “me back is giving me jip these days. Why don’t we do some drugs instead?”
“Drugs?”
“Yeah. Some drugs. Sure you can’t open a newspaper these days without them going on about how great drugs are. It’d wear you down. You try not to do drugs but sure you might as well.”
“Ok, what drugs will we do then?”
“Cocaine, I suppose. That seems to be the drugger’s choice. No party is complete without a bit of the old cocaine.”
“What about opium? Should we do that?”
“Ah God yeah. Remember that opium den on Camden Street we used to go to. That was a great old place. It’s a fucking Spar now or something.”
“I could give old Darren the Dealer a ring. He comes to your house on a motorbike and has one of those money-belt things which is just crammed full of drugs. One compartment for Es, another for coke, another with quarters of hash and so on.”
“Would he deliver here, do you think?”
“Sure why wouldn’t he? It’ll be great. We can do what they call a ‘cocktail’ of drugs.”
“Like a mojito?”
“Yeah, but not quite as minty.”
“Cool, what a fantastic idea this is. One minute we’re bored, the next minute even talking about drugs is brightening up the evening. I’m going to have a heroin sandwich!”
“I’m going to take a great big lump of freezing cold acid.”
“Hah, that’ll be fantastic. Will we do a couple of lines of sugar just to practice?”
“Good idea. It’ll open up the old nostrils so we can get loads of that delicious cocaine up there later on.”
“And you know what the best thing about drugs is? If you do too many and you die you get to be in the newspapers for days on end, and ultimately isn’t that what every one of us wants the most?”
“It certainly is. No doubt they treat the story with due respect and sensitivity too.”
“Of course, what kind of people do you take them for?”
“Good Jesus I love drugs. Wonderful, tasty drugs.”
“Yes, I too love drugs. Are you ringing Darren then?”
“I will. I’ll just finish this pint and this cigarette first though.”
“Good man.”
Seasons greetings, Major.
Good day to you, Fred, you filthy cunt.
i was thinking that if I died a multi-millionaire I might order my inheritance to be spent on a “benefits of class A drugs” advertising campaign.
or maybe “the dangers of vegetables”.
So are Pete and Dave that pair of cunts that collapsed in the midlands last night then?
I see Rosanna Davison takes after her da, stupid cunt.
On Katy Ffrench – “The nation is in mourning”.
Huh?
No, they’re both very much alive, awake and out of their tiny little minds.
ah for fucks sake itchybolix, i said that to someone this morning as a joke.
“i suppose someone will say the nation will be in mourning”
luckily for me I avoided all media coverage of that shit by playing Rome : Total War for about 20 hours over the weekend.
They’ll be on their way to Spar for a couple of bottle of Jacobs Creek Rosé, 20 Benson and a few jambons right about now.
Spotted the top of the Sindo yesterday – Brendan O’Connor was a friend of Ms French.
Well, at least one of us is out of her misery.
Good lord
http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?MemberId=5091956870
I hope you left a comment showing your love and support Johnny5.
One of the papers reckons the Gardai are going to blitz the cocaine-taking classes.
I reckon cocaine-taking classes are the answer to this whole controversy. People need to know how to take cocaine properly. Not with spoons in Waterford and not in your nice glass of bubbly. Up the nose like, that’s how you do it.
Drug dealers should also be allowed to self-regulate the way the drinks industry does. Enjoy drugs responsibly.
I did not Sarah.
I’m too overcome with grief to be able to type coherently.
The Cocaine in this country would struggle to get an infant high.
There’s so much more to this story(and that story in Waterford) than a few people doing lines.
For the love of God…..Johnny5
I just had a look at that KF page… One section has the title ‘Model Citizen’. These people do know she died from taking coke, right?
Why is this talentless drug taking bint getting so much media coverage? It is truly sickening that we have plumbed such depths. What does it say for our society that the death of a drug taking “model” is being blown out of all proportion. Does anyone with a modicum of sense really care? She took drugs, she knew the risks, is anyone really bothered? Perhaps she could be posthumously awarded the Dumbest Talentless Bint Award 2007.
What about the people who are being murdered in Iraq and Afghanistan? What about the cancer patients being misdiagnosed? Have they been forgotten about? Is this a HSE scam to deflect attention from them?
Just like the Orange order arranged the 9/11 attacks on New York to deflect attention from there bigoted attacks on school girls at Holy Cross the HSE have arranged the death of Katy French to deflect attention from the cancer debacle.
It’s all Mary Harney’s fault.
Real men chew tobacco.
Anyone make the link between the bales seized in Cork as few months back and the recent deaths? It was still washing up on the coast as of last week so Im sure some industrious little Cork man got his hands on some and made a fortune. The stuff would be pure as the driven snow and probably not fit for consumption by the likes of us. Shovelin’ that stuff down your gullet, as you would the normal caster sugar you get here, would be one sure way of checkin out.
Tara O’Connor – PR to the “stars” had her name splashed across the sunday’s yesterday. She won’t like that!
This is a lady who “dis-invited” a friend of mine from a party because he live’s in Swords, not Malahide as she thought. The same lady walks around with a little dog under her arm. And she won’t go out with anyone who has a mortgage, allegedly.
I’m suppose she won’t be going down to the cop-shop with her pooch under he arm.
As you can gather; I’m fucking delighted about this one.
In fairness, I wouldn’t want anyone from Swords at a prty I was throwing.
They’re all Paedophiles in Swords.
I think you mean they’re phycologists?
what does it say about this Tara O’Connor woman?
She sounds like a female version of Ross O’Carroll Kelly.
In ‘Life’ part of Sindo yesterday, they predicted that Katy French would go on to great things in 2008. Hmmm…..
Though I saw Fred Freegan the other night. It was dark, and I thought he was a bear, so I shot him. Guess I missed.
The media coverage is appalling. Why aren’t they going official, saying that it was coke? Out of respect for the family? If so, then what about respecting the families of the two Waterford guys and now the two Mullingar guys.
On another note Twenty, I read the newly added comments to the previous Katy French post you did. Jesus the commentariat really sound as if they have the IQ of the average Gerry Ryan listener. Zero. What a bunch of twats.
I think we’ve all learned a valuable lesson here..but Im too off my face to remember it so who cares.
…My heart feels funny.
Without naming names, Jack McMad, you’re nothing more than the average Gerry Ryan Listener.
@ Daithi – funny that, my mate said the exact same thing on Friday night – this could be those bales washed up from a few months ago. Would explain why the cocaine was damp alright. Not being in the market for the old Instant Arsehole Powder myself, I am unaware as to what is doing the rounds these days but I would suspect that there could or could have been a cheap batch of damp coke doing the rounds recently. Can anybody confirm?
Speaks the voice of the common man Johnny5. And I MEAN common.
Are you calling me common?
That’s a bit rude.
blue-blooded JackMcMad is appalled by the commentariat.
Oooh! i think someone should roll out the red carpet.
Lord Jack, permission to speak?
Thank you sir.
Somewhere in Ireland, Nonny’s head just exploded.
I think Johnny5 missed the point. The usual commetariat here is fine, funny and very entertaining, inc you Johnny5.
The ones I was referring to as being Average Gerry Ryan listeners were the ones that upon hearing about the post on the ole GR show immediately began bombarding the site with their inane, irrelevent and misspelled comments and as Twenty rightly said, they should fuck off back to Bebo.
Morgor!!! You there.
I saw that gavin lambe arsehole on merrion row on friday night – rem i said I’d give him a good kicking, well i backed out.
But listen to this – he was on his phone, about 1am, totally out of it – pissed I suppose shouting and laughing down his phone, “I’ve been fucking thrown out of the resturaunt (howls of Derision) the bastards”.
this is the same guy who spent the day on the radio claiming his devesatation at katy frenchs death. Apparently best buddies.
He didn’t seem very upset to me.
i did take his boyfriend aside and give him a good rogering though – sorry, did I say rogering, I meant rollicking. Told him that his boyfriend was a cunt and that it was fucking obivous to everyone that he was an empty vessel who was trying to get famous on the back of ms frenchs death.
He was too pissed to take it in I think, either that or he was distraced by his lust for me. Cunt.
Jack, it’s spelled ‘irrelevant’, for future reference.
:)
:)
heheh excellent work WooWoo.
Although it would have been nice to see that cunts battered face in a magazine crying “he came out of nowhere and beat me to a pulp …. sob”.
Twenty, you can’t go past a rousing game of pin the tail on the donkey!
or an arousing game of stick the carrot in the donkey.
You can even play it on your own.
or substitute the donkey.
Pin the rape on the gypsy.
hehehe a very popular game there Johnny.
I’m waiting on “She was Ireland’s Princess Di (sniff, sob sniff)”
Now, could you write a blog titled “Fuck Off Bertie Ahern” and we’ll see if that cunt dies over Christmas.
wow, John Waters had a lot to say on Katy French(what a gimp) :
“Katy’s death was the result not just of her foolishness, but of our collective helplessness . . . She did not, other than literally, die of whatever it will say on her death certificate. She died of desire, of being utterly human. . . Katy French was a personification of our fantasies, of our sense of what we were becoming, of how we might unfold ourselves.
I am crying, writing this. How can you cry for someone you’ve only once said hello to? Katy was the daughter of our dreams, in the sense that it was the dreams of her people that gave birth to what is tritely called her celebrity.”
maybe the media vultures all like babies.
If you put a sobbing child in a group of children either the entire group start sobbing or he takes on the mood of the rest of the group.
I should stop abducting children.
What is newsworthy anymore? We are dumbed-down, non-thinking, tabloid obsessed freaks. (readers of this column excluded obviously). I mean Sky News top story for the past two weeks, had been about a pair of stupid c**ts in England who faked one of their deaths and went into hiding.. This used to be the kind of thing you saw in a little box, tucked into the corner of the back pages of the red tops. Now its headline news for the morons that populate this planet….
Its time to…
Turn Off, tune out,
Dont listen, Dont read
Dont be a member of this group,
Pass the news stand..
Paul Williams will soon be president,and we will never have to think again…
end of rant.,
Sam
“I am crying, writing this.” – John Waters
I am vomiting reading about him crying. Get a fucking grip man.
Shut the fuck up.
“She was not the only one, but in the immediate past was perhaps the most spectacular light on the skyline, a meteorite of desire plummeting through the Irish zeitgeist.”
-John Waters agin
Have read that line bout 3 times. Does it actually mean anything? At all? Or is it just complete wank as i suspect?
John Waters is a twat.
He’s shagged Sinead Whacko O’Connor and whinges about father’s rights.
You’ll never something the spring, wha, John?
Those money bealts are a growing fad in narcotic selling circles…My dealer wears wears a fannypack!
He pretends to be an american lost on a sight seeing tour if encounters any law enforcement guru’s!
Nature is harsh. Evolution in action.
Maggot, I often think someone should give you a hug…
Come to think of it, it should be mister Twenty… in return for the most unwaveringest of support throughout the year… it’s the season of goodwill.
And maybe a little rub and tug too-seeing as how its Christmas and all.
is anyone watching this prime time cocaine special? absolute rubbish.
Nice one!!Finally a place for me to swear as much as I fucking want and read the truth!!
No sadly Im in work but Id say its all crap….
Girl famous for being famous, is now famous for being dead.
Next……
Saw that Prime Time Special, its great that everyone’s an expert on cocaine & drugs nowadays, gives us something to talk about instaed of the weather..
I heard on the news that Bertie’s Aide de Comp represented him at Katy French’s funeral, that was nice, did he represent Bertie @ Kevin Doyles funeral or will he or Bertie be @ John Grey’s ? ????
Was Bertie too busy down at the Mahon tribunal, or was he writing his speech for his address to the Two Houses in Washington, Stuttering Cunt couldn’t address a fucking envelope.
“Aide de Comp” in Bertie’s case should that not be Aid de Cunt.
Katy French’s death was a tragedy, she was a young girl, but she wasn’t the first & wont be the last to die this way and the media coverage is way over the top as Big RC said someone will call her Irelands Princess Di soon …
As for those two daft cunts in England, Darwin’s fucking theory or what ?? Sky News wankers !!!
Johnny 5 – in Perth it’s more like pin the murder on the disabled guy.
Just imagine what would happen if we still had to suffer Herr Knee-jerk McDowell in office during all this.
Maggot, I often think someone should give you a hug…
all reasonable offers from ladies considered.
ladies or laddies – can’t afford to be picky, maggot
I most certainly can! Would you want to be hugged by Bertie ?
Maybe that’s a bit of an extreme example, so
Would you want to be hugged by Denis Nielsen?
(saw a program about him earlier on )
did he put de lime in de coconut?
Leave Katy alone, the poor girl has only just passed away.
TDM, I’ve been to Perth. There truly are an alarming amount of disablers over there. I put it down to Centuries of inbreeding what with there only being about3 people there for most of time?
Such an incredible media shotstorm…
At least now we won’t have to suffer a book deal (could you fucking imagine?) and countless tv appearances that would have happened had she survived.
And yes, it is a shocking indictment of the times we live in. How fucking pathetic is it that this talentless wee bollox is in the news non-stop. There are far more important things happening than the death of some vapid cunt.
We can only hope Glenda Gilson is next.
Am I the only cunt who thinks that the only problem is about drugs in this country is that they cost to much. I would never moan about a thing that can get rid of a cunt like Katie French. I am picturing Glenda jumping for job as there is no other competition left, metro readers will have nothing but that cunt now for the next 20 years!
Cunt off Twenty you toby!
I too am stunned that the Aide de camp was there. so – this is what our leader considers worthy. A cocaine addict who stripped for money. i suppose young doyle, of no silver spoon up-bringing, yet fought and beat cnacer also got a visit from the aide de camp.
i know which one of the two is my inspiration.
And as for John Waters. Seriously, stop wanking over her, grow up and be a fucking man.
If John Waters gets this emotional over someone he doesn’t know, imagine what he’s like when his goldfish dies or something? or his dog?
“Rover…. NOOOOOOOO!!!!!”
I heard a rumour that when his granny died he was institutionalised.
Gilson, Davison, Roche and all those other slags were at the funeral.. They should have let Michael Stone out for the day and sent him down for it.
Fuck off you lot. Of course I cried when cokehead Katy died. She was the voice of a generation. Now she is gone.
Out, out brief candle
Lie is but walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his shit upon the stage
And then is heard no more.
And leave me granny out of this ya one legged ass fucking dildo. I was not institutionalised. I just had to go away for a bit.
Ya can’t stop the spring, ya can’t stop the spring-oh-oh-oh
get out of the bed twenty, ya lazy cunt
Twenty, put down the crack pipe and do a post!
Please?
OK, now I’m worried.
John Waters article roughly translates as “I would like to have ridden her”
Now what are we going to bitch about?
according to the irishtimes
“Man fatally stabbed in west Dublin attack
Gardaí in Dublin are investigating the fatal stabbing of a man in Walkinstown late last night…”
this is definitely an attack on west dublin. walkinstown is on the south side and would have had its head kicked in, wallet stolen, car burned out and body left up the mountains if it tried hanging around blanchardstown. at least it has nothing to do with any of the above
tampax are doing a special edition tampon.
They’re replacing the string with a piece of
tinsel. But it’s only for the christmas period
I wrote lyrics for the Eurovision Song Contest. Whaddya reckon?
“She was not the only one, but in the immediate past was perhaps the most spectacular light on the skyline, a meteorite of desire plummeting through the Irish zeitgeist. Wank, wank, wank”
John Waters article roughly translates as “I would like to have ridden her”
heh
:)
haha Peadar
Crack pipe ?
I see Twenty as more of a opium den man. Look carefully at the front cover of de buk and you’ll see he has a twisted lip!
I have taken some time to pen a few words,granted it did’t take me long being a talentless poof, but it may guarantee me a few quid in royalties. I may have the first musical bereavement franchise:
Goodbye Irelands’s rose;
may you ever grow in our hearts.
You were the grace that placed itself
where lives were torn apart.
You called out to our country,
and you whispered to those in pain.
Now you belong to heaven,
and the stars spell out your name.
And it seems to me you lived your life
like a candle in the wind:
never fading with the sunset
when the rain set in.
And your footsteps will always fall here,
among England’s greenest hills;
your candle’s burned out long before
your legend ever will.
Bugger me (literally) I forgot to substitute England for Ireland in one line. Not to worry sentiments still there.
Coma, coma, coma, coma, chameleon, you come and go, you come and go
Oh the humanity of it all. You should take a leaf out of my book and stick to ecstasy and amyl nitrate.
Boy George:
Heh :)
Fancy getting together to write an album (thats a euphimism you know)
Name the place Elton and I will cumma, cumma, cumma running.
“The first stage is like ordinary drinking, the second when you begin to see monstrous and cruel things, but if you can persevere you will enter in upon the third stage where you see things that you want to see, wonderful curious things” – the effects of absinthe, or a night on the piss in ron’s. is legal though (absinthe, not stuf wot happens in ron’s), so would be of no interest to all the wonderful people
Aaah Ms Doyle, where the devil have you been?
Selling shite pills at the Newsroom Christmas party to Dobbo and his mates? You crafty old tart.
Bout time. I finally got a Katy French joke ….
What do katy french and richard hammond have in common?
they both got smashed on top gear.
John Waters’ puerile, wank-happy eulogy has assured that Kevin Myers has finally found a rival in the po-faced, preening, poncy, pretentious gobshite stakes.
I still get paralysed with laughter thinking about Myers’ grovelling homage to Diana, complete with-I shit you not-the phrase “a terrible silence descended across the land” HAHAHAHA, FUCK OFF you nonce!
“And it seems to me that you lived your life
Like a coke-snorting, yo-yo knickered whore”
I think it’s only right and proper to point out that Giver was referring to Diana in his last line there.
Well, I assume he was.
Fucking right he was….Will Carling and numerous others will testify to that.
What’s Katie French doing for Christmas?
Babysitting Madeline Macann
I just wanted to be post number 100
…and 101
HAHAHAHAHA “.. the christmas period”.
Good one Peadar.
Im glad to see some of the local papers (despite being a little behind the times)have it in proportion. Dundalks Argus has the headline.
Some bint you’ve never heard of dies
Peadar – sounds a bit scratchy to me.
Johnny5 I have little doubt the tone of the place improved considerably the moment you left, but it is definitely a common lay-over for Irish backpackers whose vomit indelibly stains the sidewalks all over the continent.
If all you young wan*ers hadn´t been so high on fu*king drugs during the last election, Ahern and his cronies might not have been re-elected.