Bad behaviour
Posted in Blog, de-punz by Twenty Major on November 24th, 2007
In 1983 Dirty Dave and Stinking Pete went off the rails a bit, culminating in an episode in town when they went on the rampage in The Old Stand pub.
As they entered they ejaculated wildly, cut up furniture and threw horse chestnuts at the patrons. When they were later caught by police Dirty Dave would only say “We came, we sawed, we conkered.”
I knew a bloke who kept falcons, and cleaned his house with the lights switched off.
Or, Kestrel Man hoovers in the dark.
November 24th, 2007 at 11:36 am
I apologise profusely. I knew it was an old one, then I Googled it, and fuck me, it’s everywhere.
November 24th, 2007 at 11:57 am
1
Twenty - you fuckin’ started it … it’s like a itch you gotta scracth.
A man walks into a posh fish restaurant, (The kind where you pick your fish from a tank at the front.)
He looked at the tank and there hiding at the back was a small lime green squid.
He didn’t think much about it till he noticed a moustache on the squid.
So he called over the waiter and said “I want that squid.”
So the waiter took the squid out to Jervais the chef. Jervais looked at
the
squid and was about to cut its head off when the squid started quivering.
When Jervais saw its little lip shaking he realised he could not kill the
squid.
So he called over Hans the German dishwasher. “Hans” he said “kill this
squid.”
So the 7ft German grabs the little squid in his scarred hands and put it
on the chopping board.
He raised the giant clever up above his head as the little squid shook and
started to cry.
But when Hans saw the little squid crying he himself broke down and sobbed
saying he could not kill it.
And the moral of the story.
Hans that do dishes is as soft as Jervais with lime green hairy lipped
squid.
November 24th, 2007 at 12:04 pm
2
Sounds to me like somebody had a good Friday night!
November 24th, 2007 at 12:25 pm
3
a chap called Poindexter goes into this restaurant thar claims ‘we serve anything you order or award you a big cash prize’ . Poindexter asks the waiter ” have you got frogs legs ? ” “yes” replies the waiter ” , ” well, hop over the counter and get me a crocodile sandwich , and make it snappy “
November 24th, 2007 at 12:50 pm
4
Would yiz ever all fuck off back to bed? Jesus wept…
November 24th, 2007 at 2:19 pm
5
‘IRELAND’S OWN’ AND CHRISTMAS CRACKERS WILL NEVER DIE WHILE YOU LOT LIVE….
November 24th, 2007 at 5:19 pm
6
I don’t come here to read old shit jokes you know.
November 24th, 2007 at 5:59 pm
7
new shit jokes are the only other sort we have
November 24th, 2007 at 7:24 pm
8
Reminds me of my first meeting with fatmammycat when she declared ‘I’m into flageolation, necrophilia, and bestiality’.
I had to tell her I thought she was flogging a dead horse.
November 24th, 2007 at 9:17 pm
9
If the answer is
Infatuation cunt, what is the question?
How would you like your wantons cooked?
November 24th, 2007 at 10:08 pm
10
That is terrible but I laughed.
November 25th, 2007 at 2:00 am
11
Little amuses the simple, eh?
November 25th, 2007 at 2:17 am
12
Yes, it is truly awful, but gets me every time.
November 25th, 2007 at 2:44 am
13
In the same way that foraging around bins for scraps to eat amuses the vegans, Fred, you filthy hobo.
November 25th, 2007 at 11:25 am
14
So, Fuck all is not a stately home then?
November 25th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
15
A slow Sunday. Lots to confess I suppose?
November 25th, 2007 at 7:41 pm
16
The Old Stand ?
They’re a shower of cunts in that place.
Them and the Hairy Lemon will never be forgiven for being right cunts.
Mary
November 25th, 2007 at 9:56 pm
17
A sandwich walks into a bar and orders a Guinness.
The barman says sorry, we don’t serve sandwiches.
November 25th, 2007 at 11:54 pm
18
I just got that one about the asian cunt. I’m off to bed now
November 27th, 2007 at 2:29 am
19