*bring bring*
“Hello?”
“Hello Twenty, it’s me Dirty Dave.”
“What’s up, Dave.”
“Just applied for a new job.”
“Oh.”
“Don’t you want to know what it is?”
“No.”
“I’ll tell you anyway. I applied to be the manager of the England football team.”
“Why would you want to do that? If ever a job was a poisoned chalice it’s that one. The press intrusion into your life will be relentless, they’ll build you up and then just wait to knock you down again. Everything you do will be held up to incredible scrutiny and you’ll have cunts like Alan Hansen and Mark Lawrenson dissecting every decision you make. Then, of course, you’ll have to manage cunts like John Terry, Frank Lampard and Steven “Stevie G” Gerrard, and live with the spectre of 1966 hanging over you.”
“Yeah, it’s a no-win situation but they pay is great and even if you fuck it up, which I invariably will, you still get paid millions of pounds just to go away. How fucking thick are they?”
“Based on recent decisions I’d say just about thick enough to give you the job, Dave.”
“Hurrah”
*click*
I honestly don’t understand Dirty Dave not applying for the job of Ireland coach instead,the money is nearly as good , t’would be more patriotic , paparazzi pressure not as intense , no 1966 ghost hanging over your head and less coverage in the international press when he delivers the goods and finally fucks-up
Dave has a good point. You get the money no matter what your performance is like. Even I’d be tempted and I know fuck-all about sports.
Dave doesn’t want to be Ireland manager because then he wouldn’t be able to sit around in Ron’s watching the Ireland games going ‘They should sack that useless cunt’.
They should really hire a Samurai as the next England coach.
That way the next time the tossers fuck up a match (i.e. probably the next one), he will lose face and be honour-bound to commit seppuku (or hara-kiri to use the vulgar term). But the best bit is that according to the bushido tradition of oibara, the whole team would have to do the same.
It’d certainly add a bit of spice to the game.
Beggar me, just found a bunny up my bum.
That’s got to be better than “Bugger me just found a Benny up my bum”: no-one wats a hat wearing,motel dwelling simpleton up their arse
why?
It’d certainly add a bit of spice to the game.
As if England losing wasn’t amusing enough already. That’d be brilliant.
I know somebody who actually did apply after they sacked Kevin Keegan. No experience,could hardly kick a ball, but nevertheless got a formal reply from the FA explaining why he wasn’t considered.
Dave should do it and then frame the reply in Ron’s.
We should send them Mary Harney. We’d be well rid of her and Engerland still wouldn’t win a thing. Kill two birds with the one stone. Metaphorically speaking, of course.
he wouldn’t be able to sit around in Ron’s watching the Ireland games going ‘They should sack that useless cunt’.
Yes he would. He’s hardly Einstein , is he ?
Fuck that,England need Roddy Collins as their coach,purely because hes a shite manager(which suits us all)and the Mick McCarthy,Roy Keane issue would be like 2 4 year old girls fighting in comparison to the shit he cause.
Or Stan just for the bullshit he would come out(twice as funny when its not ur team hes coaching.
I’m frying sausages and doing laundery and one of my socks has fallen into the frying pan, my fifteen year old daughter has just ran down the road after a Knacker with a one eyed, three leged, badley bred looking dog, and I don’t know what to do.. but I do know who should be the next England Manager..!
You are highly honoured “one man…. ” Knackers earn good money and don’t have to feck with frying pans!
An English opera singer sang the Croatian national anthem in Wembley before the match as ‘my dear, my penis is a mountain’. So in fairness, the Croatians were laughing from the start.
Imagine the English missing a willy gaff! They must be raging.
You Bog Swimmers should stop slagging my CHAMPIONSHIP Team and my people.
Let us be serious – How may Irish Champions have there been? They are as visible as Irish Royalty. I also do not want to read about Russia either.
You are as bad as the Yanks. I am over here trying to get them to consider the game they call Soccer. They are as stubborn as the Irish. Ah……But, they pay more than the Irish.
Back to your Bogs!
Proud Englishman
Apres Sven:
I don’t smell but at least the sex is shit.
Yours,
Steve McClaren
also, that proud englishman is a right shitebag.
everyone must cunt him in the bastards.
i’;m so pissed.
I can’t see how an Engish man can try and tell anyone about football, from what Iv’e seen they don’t seem to know a lot about it.
England don’t need a manager, they need fucken players!
Don’t worry Proud, I remember when England fouled up in 1974 and took the world by storm in 78…….
What?
Oh!
There’s a photo of the English team leaving Wembley at the bottom of this page; http://tinyurl.com/348vad