I’m sorry Bertie, I take it all back
Dear Bertie,
since this blog’s inception over three years ago I have made my disdain for you quite clear. I have to say I was of the opinion that you were nothing but a loud-mouthed little shop steward of a cunt. A bowsey, a gurrier, a wretched little dissembler and spoofer.
I thought you were a hypocrite, a chancer and an equivocator. I thought you were the kind of person who was quite happy to enjoy the perks of being in power while the sun shone over the Celtic Tiger, as it lapped gently from the ambrosial oasis of prosperity, but refused to accept any responsibility when things went wrong.
You pointed fingers and shirked blame and made life difficult for anybody who tried to investigate and report the failings of your government. I thought that your own personal finances didn’t stand up to any scrutiny whatsoever and the laughable claims you made about whip-arounds and suitcases full of cash were tantamount to spitting in the faces of the Irish people whose money pays your salary.
Then there was the salary itself. Quite healthy to begin with there was the recent €38,000 rise which meant you became the higest paid Prime Minister in the whole entire universe. And just a couple of days later your own Minister for Finance warned people not to expect too much in the next round of pay talks and to tighten their belts.
I have to admit being somewhat outraged at this but then I read what you had to say about it. You sir, have managed to put it in context for me. Talking about other heads of state, you said:
Not only do most of these people have permanent and weekend residences but they have holiday residences. They have different rules also as they are the beneficiaries of prolonged holidays, yachts and homes. Most of the people mentioned would not pay for a cup of tea from one end of the year to the other because they have catering staff in their homes and can use jets for social and other occasions.
It would not be hard for a member of the media to write a glowing article about how poverty-stricken we are compared to other countries.
Well, that certainly opened my eyes. How could I have been so harsh on you? How could I possibly have thought that you getting a pay rise which is more, in one lump, than the average wage earned in Ireland, was outrageous in any way?
You don’t have a castle. You don’t have a holiday home (although I’m sure if we got enough people on board we could convince people to turn Mosney into a governmental resort. Just need to kick out those immigrants first though). You have to pay for your own cups of tea. Shocking. And here’s me thinking you weren’t in touch with the common man. What a fool I have been.
‘Poverty stricken’, are the words you use. It’s funny, I always thought ‘poverty stricken’ were the people that struggle to make ends meet, to pay their bills, to buy food and clothes for their children while living in accomodation that you wouldn’t house a sick rat in, but once again all we needed was context. Those people who fight every day to keep their heads above water, who work two jobs, who can’t afford health insurance or holidays or luxuries like home heating will be glad of your words.
You will have connected with them in a way that no amount of campaigning or political bluster could ever do. They’ll see you with your €310,000 salary and your millionaire daughter and they’ll understand your bitterness at criticism of your pay rise.
‘Sure the man, when you think about it, is poverty stricken’, they’ll say. ‘And we’re poverty stricken too. That makes him one of us. Vote Fianna Fail’.
By way of an apology for my constant criticism of you I will forward on a bumper sized box of Lyons teabags. I know you wouldn’t want any of those blue-shirted Barry’s teabags. Feel free to share them around your colleagues who I have also, wrongly, impugned all this time. No doubt your ministers who earn more than the vice-president of the USA are also struggling to make ends meet without the perks and benefits. If you’re poverty stricken imagine how they must be floundering their way through life.
Anyway, I hope this finds you well and I hope you will accept these words in the spirit that they are meant.
cheers,
Twenty Major (fellow pauper).
November 14th, 2007 at 9:45 am
As soon as they won the last election it was obvious that this would lead them to believe that they could get away with ANYTHING. That this shower of criminals and incompetents are now the most highly paid government in the world is evidence that they regard their job as an opportunity to become rich at the expense of the taxpayer. If they were paid by results they would owe us money.
November 14th, 2007 at 9:52 am
What the fuck ever happened to this?
http://www.archiseek.com/content/showthread.php?t=4545
But if he had an official residence he wouldn’t get his rent allowance,
November 14th, 2007 at 9:53 am
It’s tough at the top like.
November 14th, 2007 at 9:59 am
The cunt puts it all on expenses …don’t let him kid you Twenty..pay for a cup of tea my arse!!!!
November 14th, 2007 at 10:03 am
Well Twenty, you nearly had me in tears there about the shocking conditions of poor Bertie.
And I hope that from now on you will be kind to him, even if this means I don’t get my breakfast time laughs.
November 14th, 2007 at 10:14 am
Won’t somebody PLEASE think of the Taoiseach?
November 14th, 2007 at 10:17 am
That’s it Bertie, let them eat cáca milis.
November 14th, 2007 at 10:18 am
He’s hard done by. No Chequers. No Camp David. No White House. No Number 10. And he never ever gets a gratis cup of tea or coffee in the office?
And he hasn’t had to buy a car since? Or petrol… or insurance… or road tax… or…
And while I’m at it… is Bertle’s pal and supporter Jackie Healy Rae entitled to free travel? If he is does he use it on the train? Does he claim travel expenses to the Dail? Just asking, like. I’m sure he wouldn’t.
November 14th, 2007 at 10:25 am
The electorate fell for it 5 years ago, and the same this year. 2 mts after the election 5 years ago, they collapsed in the polls, same again this time, but just in the nick – they buy the brain deads votes.
Twenty – I work in an industry where some people regurally get paid more than ahern, but it is the industry norm for the very good. A comparative exersise to how good you are, how rich your company is and the sucess of the company.
By any comparison – holiday homes or not (which are only available for as long as you lead, not for life), our guys get paid a ton of money. Whats sadder still is, most of us have enough proof that most of our politicians are corrupt and can beat the corrupt system they set up.
Ahearn is corrupt. He lives in a diffrent dimension to even the middle classes. His daughter is a sucessful millionaire, his other daughter is married into millionaire pop royalty. He hasn’t taken a bus, a train, sat in a traffic jam or sat in a queue to be seen by a doctor.
We have largely ourselves to blame, but mostly, for the first time ever, I blame the PR system too, cos FF are just about large enough to know they can stay in power and bitch slap a pathetic group of corrupt independents and mis-guided idealists into propping them up.
And so it will continue. Labour next time, SF murders maybe. Come on down, the price is right.
Please, please tell me you really are going to send him tea bags. Please!!!! But send him home brand bags – cos that is what many have to make do with.
November 14th, 2007 at 10:32 am
I’m glad he clarified that it was cups of tea that he pays for. I was about to accuse him of being alying fucker. I was in a coffee shop in Stoneybatter at the weekend when himself and three cronies came in for some takeaway coffees and there was no money was exchanged. Obviously they would have paid if it was tea.
November 14th, 2007 at 10:37 am
By all means I think we should organize a little whip-around to make some meagre comfort for our poor little Taoiseach.
A whip-around the head, face & shoulders that is….
November 14th, 2007 at 10:38 am
Yeah I can really see little Old Agnes from Agnes’ Quaint Ole Tea Shoppe trying to charge Bertie for his cup of tea and buttered scone without him saying ‘Do you not know who I am?’
November 14th, 2007 at 10:49 am
My favourite part is when he points out the ‘prolonged’ holidays other leaders get.
The Dáil sits for an average 90 days a year (or something like that).
The only cunts who enjoy anywhere near the same amount of time off are teachers.
November 14th, 2007 at 10:54 am
From the 2006 Register of Interests for the Dáil.
AHERN, Bertie (Dublin Central)
1. Occupational Income …….. Nil
2. Shares …………………….. Nil
3. Directorships……………… Nil
4. Land ……………………… Nil
5. Gifts ……………………… (1) Honorary Memberships of: Elm Park Golf & Sports Club Ltd. for the year 2006: Nutley House, Donnybrook, Dublin 4; Grange Golf Club for the year 2006: Rathfarnham, Dublin 16; Portmarnock Golf Club for the year 2006: Portmarnock, Co. Dublin. (2) One piece of Chinese artwork: Madame Xiao, daughter of ex-Chinese PM on visit to Dublin.
Other Information Provided: (1) I do not receive any material benefit from these as I do not play golf. (2) The artwork is valued at €1000. This piece has been retained by Government Secretariat.
6. Property and Service …….. See Donations Statement for 2006 (Form 2) under the Electoral Act, 1997 (as amended).
7. Travel Facilities ………….. Nil
8. Remunerated Position ……. Nil
9. Contracts …………………. Nil
10. Dig-outs ……… Fuckin loads!
November 14th, 2007 at 11:23 am
That poor dear sweet little man. How could we have ever doubted him?
November 14th, 2007 at 11:34 am
I’m getting very depressed about it all
Any link to a story/clip of what the cunt said yesterday?
tnks
November 14th, 2007 at 11:41 am
Let’s just call it a kleptocracy and be done with it.
November 14th, 2007 at 11:51 am
whats the relevance of how rich his dughters are?
November 14th, 2007 at 11:56 am
One other thing.
Remember Eddie Hobbs got a campaign to send nappy’s in to the dail?
Can we do the same with tea-bags to Bertie? Maybe scribble dollar and sterling signs on them all?
When bertie complained to the sunday independent that he was afraid some “lunatic can walk up and hit me” – he must have had a premonition – a lot of people have have had enough of the cunning, devious, corrupt cunt.
November 14th, 2007 at 12:06 pm
Peadar, hes amillionaire, his daughters are millionaires. Its a diffrent world to the one the rest of us inhabit. He never see hardship. He lives in a parallel universe.
Do you think any of his family don’t have private healthcare?
November 14th, 2007 at 12:14 pm
Warning for the future-Nicky Byrne(Westlife & Berties son in law)wants to lead this country,anybody that has met Nicky Byrne would know how much of a wanker he really is,seems suited for the job already.
BTW itchybollix thats a great idea,but i think some Lidl tea bags would be better,we are tightening our belts.
November 14th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
Ah’ the poor wee Taoiseach, so he is one with the people after all, nothing but a down and in, the poor Bass fisted man….. me heart is bleedin for the twister!
November 14th, 2007 at 12:28 pm
fuck sending that cunt a box of tea bags iam sending a shoe box of my shit up to the stuttering cunt.
November 14th, 2007 at 12:28 pm
eejitbasher – graffiti in the loo of one of my locals, Duffy’s in Malahide -
“Ronan Keating is a cunt” and scribbled below it in a different marker “So’s his da”
Keatings Dad has a habit of going in to shops in malahide and asking for discounts with the “do you know who I am” lark.
One other thing on the lovely keatings which is not an urban myth because I know the guy involved. At 3 a.m. over xmas about 4 years ago the Keatings rand Gibneys and asked them to deliver a bottle of vodka to the house as they’d run out. Gibneys sent a barman up in the van they have and ronan counted out the exact price of the bottle. zero tip.
that’s the trait of powerful people
cup of tea?
November 14th, 2007 at 12:38 pm
Twenty’s going to “tea-bag” Bertie?
November 14th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
Did ya ever see such a list of whingers and moaners. Grow up!
November 14th, 2007 at 1:27 pm
I am intrigued whether the tea bagging would be Bertie/Twenty or Twenty/Bertie. I reckon Berties ball sack must be the size of kiddies schoolbag. Look out Twenty!!!
November 14th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
Im with yeh itchy,i dont doubt it at all,but not forgetting everybodys hero and i know ill get stick here for this but BONO.
Before peeps start pissing and moaning,HE’S DONE FUCK ALL FOR AFRICA,HE’S CUNT ON THE SAME LEVEL AS BERTIE THE CUNT.
November 14th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Keating’s a cunt alright – had the pleasure of running into him in Heathrow a few years ago. Back when he still thought he had some kind of musical career/talent.
May write tomorrows blog post about that particular incident.
November 14th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
i was just thinking about what a cunt Bertie is, when i thought, what’s a country roughly equivalent to Ireland.
So i settled on new zealand.
Fair enough?
According to a semi-reliable source, the NZ prime minister gets about $110000.
As far as I’m concerned that’s proof that hes a greedy shit and a good enough reason to scalp the little bastard.
November 14th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
bertie that is.
November 14th, 2007 at 1:53 pm
It’s not about growing up; it’s about protest at the cunts running this banana republic for their own financial benefit.
A calling to represent and improve the lives of the common people? Jobs for the boys – tim collins, joe burke, hugh o’flaherty
smell the tea bags kieran
November 14th, 2007 at 1:56 pm
howya twenty; good spleen venting by you again – nice one.
looking forward to de book
happy wednesday to ye’s all
we need a revolution, preferably with aid of bolivian marching powder and tequila* burp
November 14th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
Twenty
You’re full of self-indulgent horse shite. And all the goddaws responding with their tongues half up your arse.(oh twenty, you’re so insighful, blah blah blah).
Yes he is a chancer and hypocritical – who isn’t. If something goes wrong who doesn’t try to palm it off to others. He’s been found guilty of nowt so leave it out!
If you want slippery double dealing go to SA with Mbeki and BAE
http://www.guardian.co.uk/print/0,,331242174-126644,00.html
November 14th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
Someone wanted a link to the story.
http://www.examiner.ie/irishexaminer/pages/story.aspx-qqqg=ireland-qqqm=ireland-qqqa=ireland-qqqid=47904-qqqx=1.asp
I’m stunned and speechless. What an absolute and utter cunt.
But for me, the question is. Why the fuck isn’t there a revolution in the streets with mobs on their way to Dublin Castle to out the hideous little fucker?
November 14th, 2007 at 2:37 pm
Bertie turned down Farmleigh because any work done on that house wouldn’t be a favour waiting to be returned. It would be paid by taxpayers money and as we all know, that would be so wrong for Bertie. It would mean he had to return a favour to the taxpayers instead of some wealthy rich friends. Too bad I can’t vote in this country, but if he ever gets a job offered in the European parlement I’ll make sure to contact my country’s european MP’s to vote against it. Greedy little bastard.
November 14th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
That was me looking for the link; tnks AM. My mum say’s the same – we need to get onto the streets and demonstrate our disgust at the jobs for the boys brigade
November 14th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
People dont rise up in the streets because most people are asleep or think it doesnt affect them,the fight has been knocked out of us Irish by the almighty euro,trust me,ask people why they dont think its bad theyll say”Well its better than it was 20 years ago”.
To which i reply “FUCK OFF STUPID CUNT”.
November 14th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
yup EB, everyone is just too goddamn lazy. or busy. or both.
I’d like to organise an anti-corruption rally with everyone bringing a knife and a poster of bertie or FF to slash.
but i’d end up with two of my mates doing it for 5 minutes, then getting disgusted and going to the pub.
November 14th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
or we could all send him a tea bag. with our condolences of course…
Department of the Taoiseach, Government Buildings, Upper Merrion Street, Dublin 2
November 14th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
Do any of you guys get involved in politics beyond blogging and voting?
Why not volunteer for another party and directly try and help get them elected next time? Your political influence does not just cover one Thursday afternoon in May once every 5 years you know..
November 14th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
Democracy is a sham put in place for the working classes believe that they have a say.
Case in point,who voted FF back in,you will notice that most people didnt vote for them,but low and behold there they are.
Jesus just look at the contempt politicans hold us all in.
Another example FG could have fucked Bertie over the whip around/charity fun runs that were done for him,did they fuck him,hell no.
November 14th, 2007 at 7:10 pm
Can ye not see what the little bollix is at .BAs policy is to buy votes by giving pay and welfare increases .What the prick is doing is creating an angry emotional response in people and laughing his arse off,because he will give all ranks and grades of civil servants (NEVER MEET A CIVIL ONE YET)and public servants a pay increase .The public service will love Bertie again ,the private sector who will not have got a penny will say ah sure they deserve it because bollicky and his lads got it.So it actually makes it easier for him to buy votes by what he is doing.
BA/FF/PD has battered small business in Ireland to a pulp,the bureaucracy ,rising rates,stealth taxes etc.I know people small business people who have risk everything and by the time they have paid out everthing at the end of the week are lucky to bring home €200.00.And let me tell you they work longer hours than BA.
Bertie bollicks will be judged as the worst ,most wasteful,and biggest gombeen Taoiseach of them all.
November 14th, 2007 at 7:33 pm
I was a wee bit critical of the political shite earlier but, fair does, that’s a good point and well made (if a little overdone, and obvious, which is what I was saying.) Holy fuck though, Bertie pretty much writes the satire for you. It really, truely baffles me- some of the cleverest people I know voted for Bertie beacuse, “aw, he’s a nice fella.” Fucking hell. You’ve almost raised me from apathy there, I mean, jesus, he really is an awful bastard. How can him saying something like that, that “cups of tea”, how can that not be a really big deal?? He’s clearly fucking crazed with megalomania and caffeine, and he’s only about 4ft 3 as well. Baffled, is what I am.
November 14th, 2007 at 7:36 pm
Morgor, I can reliably inform you that our “lovely” PM here gets more than that. Her salary package is worth about $200,000 a year, although that is only about half that amount in Euros. Still, she’s the best man for the job and while she might be stamping democracy into the dirt with a big fucking jackboot just presently, at least she hasn’t physically robbed us. Yet. That we’ve foiunf out about. WHerever you go in the world, they’re egregious cunts the lot of ‘em.
November 14th, 2007 at 7:51 pm
A Few quotes for Eejitbasher .
The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.”
Thomas Jefferson
Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.”
Henry Louis Mencken
Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.”
George Bernard Shaw quotes
Remember one thing about democracy. We can have anything we want and at the same time, we always end up with exactly what we deserve.”
Edward Albee quotes
“A democracy is a government in the hands of men of low birth, no property, and vulgar employment”
Aristotle quotes
November 14th, 2007 at 8:33 pm
Too much time on my hands… Just worked that your pal and mine, Bertie, can now afford an extra 910,180 cuppas this year with his big fuck-off raise.
November 14th, 2007 at 8:37 pm
Course, that’s without milk.
Or sugar.
In a cracked cup an’ all.
November 14th, 2007 at 9:34 pm
[...] Mr Major has to say on the matter, and for once, strange to say, I agree with every single word: I’m Sorry Bertie, I Take It All Back addthis_url = [...]
November 14th, 2007 at 9:51 pm
MacDara, Founder and president of the Bertie Fan Club, has been strangely silent of late – did you have Lucky sort him out Twenty ?
November 14th, 2007 at 9:52 pm
Ah come on lads. Sure, it’s not dat bad. Burtey’s just tryin’ to earn a crust, like. Ye can’t begrudge the man a little raise, Sure, it’s ownee 10% or something. Dat’s less den de teachers get. Fair do’s to de cute little Tea shock. I’d certindly buy a used car from him. Very intelligent too, I’m told.
November 14th, 2007 at 10:01 pm
feculent, avaricious, deceptive, disseminating, whoremongering homunculus
November 14th, 2007 at 10:06 pm
MacDara is probably sitting his swimming pool drinking beer. Which is only to be commended.
November 14th, 2007 at 10:31 pm
“sitting his swimming pool drinking beer.”
Is that a Tallacht way of saying he swims with the fishes ?
November 14th, 2007 at 10:32 pm
ah crap – Tallaght. I need a smoke.
November 15th, 2007 at 1:31 am
I was home for a family visit there a few weeks back just in time to read about bertie and his 38,000 euro raise, the sorry state of the health system and the horrendous level of crime in Dublin city. It was truly depressing, all jokes aside, It really mad me furious. I wasn’t around for the last election and to be honest at the time I really didn’t give a fuck, But by god, I’m fucking voting in the next one, come hell or high water, I’m coming home to add my voice to the multitudes that are screaming at that bunch of fucking crooks to get out of office.
As far as I know I cant vote from abroad, so it will be done come the next election, oh yes it will be done.
November 15th, 2007 at 9:14 am
Bertie Ahem sliced, diced and prepped by Twenty’s surgical pen – THIS is why I love this BLOG. It’s fuckin’ great. More.
November 15th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
“molson 12 pack” probably doesn’t matter what you do though, that little fucker will stop the type of people who vote against him from voting.
I work in Dublin but i could only vote in my home town so i didn’t have enough time to change my voting location cos the fucker only gave us about 2 weeks notice.
imagine having it mid-week with no notice, little shit.
A german guy told me that they have their elections always on Sundays (makes sense) and they let you know MONTHS in advance.
By the way i think it’s possible to vote from abroad but you need to apply for it from your local county council.
“Bearhunter” so basically your PM runs a country twice the size of Ireland and gets paid about a quarter of what our diminutive theif gets?
Typical …. yet again i’m thinking of getting out of Ireland…
November 15th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
Dear Mgmt of Fagans Drumcondra / Beaumont House,
A regular patron of yours can be seen at your fine drinking emporiums at least once a week.
We the people of Dublin appeal to you to not serve a one Mr. Bertie Ahern. It has come to our attention that this man on weekly basis consumes in your pubs his weekly wages while leaving his wife / mistress and two daughters starving at home because of this.
One of them has been forced to write essays to put food on the family table while the other has been forced into lesbian prostitution to service the needs of a high profile well known ‘Girl Band’.
Your patron has even approached his employer demanding a substantial payrise which he has not earned using the excuse that his kids don’t even have the price of a cup of tea despite the fact that he has been seen in his canteen pilfering Lidl’s finest. We would appeal to you to no longer serve this man as despite his Charming demeanour he is a cold and calculated Alcoholic who puts socialising and money above the needs of his co workers.
Rgds and Thanks
A.n. Inbreeder – On behlaf of people of Dublin.
November 15th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
[...] it just looks like an attempt to muzzle the investigation. Bertie may have had his political nous rewired but you would expect Brian Cowen and others to appreciate the dodgy look this has about it. They [...]
November 15th, 2007 at 10:57 pm
Poor old Bertie, all the money in the world, loads of power, big pay rise etc etc AND ALL THE CUNT WILL EVER BE IS A FUCKING NORTHSIDE SKOBIE.
November 15th, 2007 at 11:16 pm
Fianna Fail TD’s and Ministers are now out of control, they cannot appreciate how their actions are perceived by the educated public, by those of us who work hard, pay taxes and raise our children, while trying to pay rising mortgages.
Our Government do not care about this section of society, they know the upperclass and seriously wealthy wont vote for change because they own this government, the uneducated wont vote for change because they either wont vote or will think what this lot are doing is OK, so all they have to do is scare enough of the rest of us into believing that the opposition do not have enough government experience and will therefore make a bollix of everything and we will vote on the basis of The Devil You Know.
This is what happened in the last election but from the way the “new government” (Same Cunts – Different Jobs, Martin Cullen 19,000 people voted for that cunt, so Bertie had to give him a job) has started there wont be any economy or growth or fucking Tiger left to protect.
November 15th, 2007 at 11:38 pm
Sorry I forgot to mention, the greens are now complicit in all the shit this lot are involved in such as fucked up education, fucked up health service, fucked up transport systems, fucked up Aer Lingus privatisation, soon to be proper fucked economy and just for the Gormless cunting Greens fucked up environment etc etc etc.. When Fianna Fail said ” A lot done More to do ” they were talking about cunts stupid enough to vote for them or those other politicians stupid enough to support and prop them up in Government.
November 16th, 2007 at 12:30 am
You should be sending him fair trade teabags instead of that Lyons shite – a nice cuppa with a clear conscience.
Make Bertie History!
November 16th, 2007 at 11:43 am
(wearily) And just who voted the shower back in? Why isn’t it OUR fault all of a sudden?
I didn’t vote for Bertie, but enough must have, for crying out loud.
November 18th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
Every two bit back street businessman in this Country is making considerably in excess of what our Taoiseach is paid. Begrudgery is alive and well in this country. By the way Bertie Ahern did not award himself this increase. It was decided by a Commission independent of political influence as the salary for the Office of Taoiseach. We could be a lot worse, we could have George Bush running things.
November 19th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
The Crewser:
“We could be a lot worse, we could have George Bush running things.”
Now THAT’s a sentiment I can wholeheartedly agree with!