Musical rumours

I have to say I am a fan of the internet but it has, now that I think about it, spoiled music in a way. On the one hand it’s great that there’s so much music freely available to download for no cost whatsoever, thus depriving many artists of sales and royalties that they don’t deserve, but on the other hand we don’t get the rumours we used to get.

Nowadays it’s all too easy to just Wikipedia something and find out of it’s true or not.

I think of stories like if you played a Kylie Minogue single at 33 instead of 45 you’d discover that it was, in fact, Rick Astley doing the singing. Or Paul McCartney was dead because he was not wearing any shoes on an album cover (sadly this proved not be true at all and the Frog Song was inflicted upon us).

Or the stories about Alison Moyet being a man, or the bloke from Erasure actually being Alison Moyet after a sex change. Or fantastic news about 2Unlimited being killed in a coach crash, or something. Back in the day you had to wait for some august musical journal to tell you these rumours were false and that could take ages.

Nowadays the internet can quash such fantasy in seconds. There’s no fun in that, is there? We need our gossip and rumour and invention, especially if it’s not true. I don’t care about who some pop-star’s new girlfriend is, nor do I care to see video of some pasty-faced cunt injecting heroin. Those are things we expect from our musical big shots. Where are the tales of dwarves serving cocaine with trays strapped to their heads? Are they a distant memory? If so it’s a bit of a shame, isn’t it?

Although we all know the Marc Almond story is true.

“My big brother’s best mate heard it off a bloke who actually works in the hospital they brought him to.”

“Cooooooool.”

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54 Responses to Musical rumours

  1. John Braine says:

    D’you not get Popbitch Twenty? How could you live without knowing that “Will Young is getting his front door painted. He’s testing out a couple of different colours: royal blue and dark lilac.”

  2. tony s says:

    so, its not true that two of the beatles are dead?
    shit, and I got a mass said for them.

  3. Puerile Pish says:

    Marc Almond makes me sick, as would indeed the pint of spunk he drinks everyday instad of actimel…probable more truth in that than “good” fucking “bacteria”.

  4. Puerile Pish says:

    Oh and Richatd Gere would be a lot more intersting if he had a rodent up his arse..and circuses would be almost bearable if midgets actually served cocaine with tables strapped to their heads instead of arsing about with freaky clowns.

  5. FilthyWard says:

    Totally agree Twenty, and I hate the way Snopes has killed the fun of the urban myth too.

  6. Puerile Pish says:

    There’s an urban myth that Twenty is writing a book…

  7. Sarah says:

    Tony s: Got a mass said for them? Ha ha ha.

    Twenty: Just seen the artists impression of you on Wiki. You look just like me.

  8. woowoo says:

    Apparently My Bloody Valentine are reforming, releasing an LP, and playing a gig somewhere, soon, sometime in the next 20 years.

  9. Johnny5 says:

    There was a rumour going around there a while back that Elton John was a cock sucking prick.

  10. Johnny5 says:

    And apparently Freddie Mercury didn’t die of AIDS, he woke up one morning with his moustahce out of place and Brian May beat him to death with a bar of soap in a sock like what they did to the fat cunt in full Metal Jacket.

  11. Twenty Major says:

    This time you’ve gone too far, Johnny5. I’m quite happy to let ridiculous and off the wall comments stand but that’s obviously not true.

    He’s a cock sucking felching prick.

  12. Peurile Pish says:

    Oh Johnny 5 it seems to me you lived your life like a candle in the wind.

  13. Cupid Stunt says:

    Did you know Prince has had some ribs removed so he could suck his own dick? Its true, I swear

  14. Groucho says:

    Yeah Twenty I suppose you recall the days when Musical Express was cut in squares and put on string out the back to wipe yer ass on? …sigh!

  15. Twenty Major says:

    NME to wipe your arse? Luxury!

  16. brian t says:

    You got it back-to-front: slow down Kylie’s voice, and you get Rick Astley!

  17. Peadar says:

    Kylie, oooh.
    I’m just going to have a quick wank

  18. Twenty Major says:

    You got it back-to-front: slow down Kylie’s voice, and you get Rick Astley!

    That’s what I said.

  19. The Scawgeen says:

    I lament the demise of piped music in public places, and we all know who’s to blame for that don’t we.

  20. Ubollix says:

    Em, what is the Marc Almond story?

  21. Ibanez says:

    Chesney Hawkes is Nik Kershaws dad. You heard it here first kids.

  22. morgor says:

    “Leave a comment if you like. Or don’t. It’s all the fucking same to me.” , why set up a comments section then?

    ever see the picture of Fergie the frog-faced bitch from Black-eyed Peas pissing herself on stage?

    I’m sure I saw a lump at the back too…

  23. Peadar says:

    “Leave a comment if you like. Or don’t. It’s all the fucking same to me.” , why set up a comments section then?

    eh… so you can leave a comment if you like? Just a guess, twenty will have to give the real reason. You thick fucking cunt

  24. Giver O'Shite says:

    “Em, what is the Marc Almond story?”

    Back around the time when he was enjoying his 15 minutes with Soft Cell in the early 80s, he collapsed on stage and was rushed to hospital. Legend has it that a stomach pump revealed approximately a half litre (or a pint in imperial) of undigested uhh, man-paste. A detail, most likely generated by the rumour mill, is that some of said spunk was equestrian in origin.

    Are you sorry you asked?

  25. samantha maguire says:

    Or GO’S – he had just fellated a horse of a man? Mr. Maguire had a three-way recently with a female goat & a (male) Connemara pony – we have it captured on 8mm. But as he’s not a musician, I’m getting off the main point, sorry Twenty. Anyway, returning to the topic of the day: Amy Winehouse’s place got raided by the police last night – gospel truth. Wonder what they found…..

  26. Johnny5 says:

    Damien Rice is a cunt.

  27. Peurile Pish says:

    Amy Winehouse’s place got raided by the police last night – gospel truth. Wonder what they found…..

    No fucking talent and a cunt of an attitude

  28. fatmammycat says:

    The police or Winehouse?

  29. morgor says:

    Amy the junkie cockney slag, ahh i’d still do her though.

  30. fatmammycat says:

    Jesus, I don’t even feel clean reading that.

  31. johnny rotten says:

    morgor your one sick man to fuck hairy fanny winehouse, Mary harney i would fuck her , dry up the ass the old fat cunt that she is and wipe me nob of her curtains

  32. Johnny5 says:

    Johnny, your punctuation is more offensive than the image of someone fucking Mary Harney’s arse.

  33. Peadar says:

    ‘Damien Rice is a cunt.’

    Surely thats an untrue rumour.

    On another subject is it just me or is anyone else fucked up of those cunts in the ‘Shell to sea protest’. How much of the tax payers money has been wasted on removing those bastards from their sit down protests or whatever the fuck else their at. Do the the cunts not have jobs?

  34. morgor says:

    that’s what curtains were made for.

  35. lena says:

    Michael Jackson is a freak.

  36. Peurile Pish says:

    They are fucking illiterate as well their website reads “Campaigners for health ,safety environment and resourses”
    I hope they get beaten in a dark damp cell.

  37. johnny rotten says:

    johnny 5 sucks dirty cock how is that for you. cunt

  38. Twenty Major says:

    Yeah, tell us something we don’t know.

    That does not mean you should literally tell us something we don’t know.

  39. morgor says:

    I like Lena, straight and to the point.

    Britney Spears is also a freak. but i’d do her too.

    I’m easy me.

  40. samantha maguire says:

    Here’s something you didn’t know…. Harry McGee (what a great name, and what a head of hair-mmmm) has a video on his blog of Gordon Browne having a lovely go at his nose: picking, eating & wiping – Hirsute Harry warns us that it is unedifying and he’s right (as usual – be still my throbbing c**t).

  41. Dale de Moin Marn says:

    Amy Swinehouse is useless…thats something you did know.

  42. Mark Almond was the one who had his ribs removed…apparently, not Prince.

  43. Celia Larking says:

    Why is Suggs in a fish finger ad? Who can answer me that?

  44. Celia Larking says:

    Some might say “it’s madness”……..

  45. Johnny5 says:

    johnny 5 sucks dirty cock how is that for you. cunt

    Johnny5 sucks dirty cock. How is that for you, cunt?

    I’m feeling charitable. I may even refrain from spitting on that crippled beggar woman outside Tara Station on my home.

  46. Peadar says:

    ‘I may even refrain from spitting on that crippled beggar woman outside Tara Station on my home.’

    Ah come on, don’t go that far

  47. Peadar says:

    I’m sure she looks forward to feasting on that bit of phlegm

  48. Eejitbasher says:

    I agree with yeh Twenty to a certain extent,in those days music was good and worth waiting for,now look what we have,utter fuckin shite,jesus the sex pistols and the police had to reform for christs sake(so what if there doing it for the money, at least they have something the Spice Girls havent,alittle thing called TALENT)
    For those that are not aware of talentless fucks,just turn on R.T.E. at any giving time,though Fair City would be the best.

  49. johnny rotten says:

    is johnny 5 that english teacher ? you know the one . that got the sack for being a fucking kiddie fiddler . what a fucking come drinker

  50. junior says:

    Looks like it is true – Phil Collins is a fucking ape http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wy52yueBX_s

  51. Big RC says:

    No.

    Phil Collins is a cunt.

    Pure and simple.

  52. I was raped by a Sawdoctor..

  53. No, no… not the band, a real sawdoctor who doctored saws..

  54. Cruddy Bang says:

    Amy Winehouse has a talent, her voice is great, especially when you hear her normal accent. When I hear her talking on the radio, I imagine fags and needles to be spittin out her mouth.

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