If I could invent one device…
…it would be a button which would explode people who ring up radio stations and whose opinions I disagree with.
There’d be a lot of fucking exploding, let me tell you.
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October 19th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
why a button?
October 19th, 2007 at 1:16 pm
sheepworrier – are you suggesting a touchscreen?
October 19th, 2007 at 1:31 pm
people who ring up radio stations deserve everything they get!
October 19th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
“No Adrian Adrian these fordinurs are comin in and taken all de gud jobs,”
Fuck off you cunt!
October 19th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
do you ever disagree with yourself?
October 19th, 2007 at 1:51 pm
have seen fat bastards who wear shirts so tight they could kill people across the street with one deep breath. an exploding button would only take your finger off, which would make texting difficult, fair enough, but leave too many other fingers for dialling. exploding phones, that’s what you want. nice shaped charge in the earpiece, especially for those pretentious cunts who wander around with lieutenant uhoor bluetooth things stuck to the side of their heads.
October 19th, 2007 at 2:12 pm
You would invent a button that did all that? So the button would have some kinda AI going on to decide what a stupid caller was and if to blow them up. Then the button would go crazy like SKYNET in the Terminator movies and start killing innocent people and it would asexually reproduce like the Dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. Then we’d all be controlled by buttons and it would be your fault.
October 19th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Send me a pile of buttons to use on all these rugby crazy cunts making my life a misery today. Don’t know who are worse, poms or bokke, drown ‘m in the Seine!
October 19th, 2007 at 3:24 pm
Did someone in particular piss you off today?
October 19th, 2007 at 3:33 pm
I normally flick on radio when making coffee/breakfast – but I keep having to turn it off because the people are so fucking stupid they make me cross and it’s too early in the morning to get cross.
One guy the other morning rings up and says “I need some help. It’s my wife’s birthday. She has everything. Jewelery, handbags, shoes. I want to get her something different. What can your listeners suggest”.
First cunt who rings in says “You know, there’s this company that will name a star after your wife…”
Fuck me, stupid bastards. Stars already have names and that’s the most clichéd idea of all time.
October 19th, 2007 at 3:41 pm
all radio stations in the morning are shit not normal
shit the bad shit you get when your sick ;;
October 19th, 2007 at 4:14 pm
my fanny is dripping for you twenty
October 19th, 2007 at 4:17 pm
How about inventing the gyrator alarm clock? Clip it on to the old todger at night, set the time, settle in for a good nights sleep and wake up with a smile? Niiiiice.
October 19th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
‘It’s my wife’s birthday. She has everything. Jewelery, handbags, shoes. I want to get her something different. What can your listeners suggest”.
A new husband you sad, pathetic, no-life cunt
October 19th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
Ah sure I think it’s so cute he rang up, shows he’s nicely under the thumb, the way every man should be.
October 19th, 2007 at 5:10 pm
That’s a typical fiminest statement there cruddy bang bang you shat muncher
October 19th, 2007 at 5:35 pm
Haha, you mean feminist but you really mean sexist, stupid turd, go look at a pair of boobs!
October 19th, 2007 at 6:01 pm
Now you have done it Twenty – tomorrow morning you’ll wake up with “When you wish upon a star” by Jiminey Cricket running through your hangover!
When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you
October 19th, 2007 at 6:47 pm
At least you can turn the radio off. THREE people had me cornered on the way home on the luas, talking loud personal shit.. “but why do you do this to me?”.. NO, NO, NO, WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO MEEEEEEEE? I’m psychotic. Also want to kick the bollix off that guy you heard on the radio.. and his wife. And set fire to their SUV.
Where’s the fucking corkscrew….
October 19th, 2007 at 7:00 pm
If you do invent such a button, you’ll no doubt win the Noballs piece prize.
October 19th, 2007 at 7:52 pm
all this would be unneccesarif they would release my apantent on stink-O-vision or Radio Stench and nnew and improved Aroma Airwave . Press my belly Button and away it goes.
October 20th, 2007 at 12:21 am
20..please dont get “cross”
October 20th, 2007 at 12:29 am
I once rode berni nolan of the nolans in Blackpool…what bout that then…
October 20th, 2007 at 7:39 am
That’s the trouble with free speech…………..
October 20th, 2007 at 1:17 pm
Why stop at the call-in cretins? There’s plenty of drivers out there who could merit the nuclear option, too.
And co-workers.
And telephone companies.
And politicians. Although, that’s so easy a target that I’d let them live just until they say or do something stupid; just to make it sport. It would be fun to watch them try to be good.
Oh…and blog commenters.
October 20th, 2007 at 5:46 pm
Curly Watts in Coronation Street once had a star named after his then wife.
Raquel wolstenhume Watts, it was called.
Ahh, romance. You cant beat it!
October 21st, 2007 at 1:50 am
An Irishman after my own heart. I was perusing your site – nice. I finally found someone in your country who thinks like I do (I’m in California). Visited Ireland in April 2006 and loved it (had a play reading in Belfast).
Anyway after reading a few of your posts, I thought, ‘this guy sounds like me’. Read this:
http://jeffircink.blogspot.com/2007/10/origami-no-5.html
Jeff in America. I added you to my blog. If you want I’d appreciate the same in return. ONLY if you want.
October 21st, 2007 at 7:27 am
I’m just home from the bar and I reckon what mankind needs is an alcohol buffer tablet. Something to keep the perfect buzz. Something that takes you to the sweet spot adn not any further. Something charcoaly that absorbs exactly the amount that propels you from squiffy to slaughtered in 4.3 seconds. ‘Cos there is a critical value below which you are merely merry adn beyond which you are a blethering, blithering blotto-woman who can spell “and” right only on occasion.
All sorts of problems could be avoided with such a tablet.
October 21st, 2007 at 8:08 pm
Its a shame there isn’t the equivalent to the Atlantic for blogs
October 22nd, 2007 at 9:41 pm
just turn off the radio