When goths bite back

A comment just received on an old post suggesting all goths should be sent to an island somewhere far, far away.

I FUCKING HATE YOU MATE, AND I WANT YOU DEAD.

HOW FUCKING DARE YOU BLAME THE GOTH CULTURE FO SUCH A TERRIBLE THING.

NO, I AM NOT GOTH. BUT VERY FOND OF GOTH MUSIC AND “MARILYN MANSON CUNT” AS YOU CALL HIM.

YOU ARE SO FUCKING NARROW MINDED AND I HOPE SOMEONE KILLS YOU IN YOUR SLEEP MATE

GO AND FUCKING DIE

heh, Is it customary to call people you wish dead ‘mate’? I love the randomness of people finding an old post through a search engine then leaving a comment as if they might respark a debate which has died out a long time ago.

I stand by my original assertion that goths should be dispatched to an island. However, I would include lots of other people in that so it would need to be a big island. In fact, there’d be so many people the island might not be the best idea and instead we might be better off sending them, one at a time, to live in a custom built furnace. Just queue them up and send them on in. There are no space issues, once you move in you become ashes and from ashes to ashes and dust to dust and then Major Tom will come along and try and sell you some heroin, so the ones that don’t burn to death die as hopeless junkies.

Speaking of which I was listening to the radio last week and there’s some plan for pharmacies to stop peddling providing methadone for heroin addicts. They sent one of their reporters down to talk to some junkies who use methodone and she asked them what would happen if they were unable to get their hands on it.

“Oh, I’d be straight back on heroin”, said one bloke.

“I’d have to go back on heroin”, said one woman, “and then I’d have to go out robbing to get the money for it.”

“I’d be taking the heroin again and that’d be really terrible for our kids an’ all because we’d be having to rob money to pay for the heroin”, said another woman.

Not one of them even considered the idea of not taking anything.

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69 Responses to When goths bite back

  1. John B says:

    I wish my garden was a goth or an emo, then it might cut itself.

    I’ll get my long black coat…

    J.

  2. Andrea Corr says:

    Twenty, feckin hell will yer give it a rest.

    Goths love my music so be nice to the feckin sad little eejits dressed in long balck coats and stupid white make up. You dont weant me skint and back on the game do you

  3. Martin says:

    Australia. A big island. Lets send them all there.

    There’s 20 million cunts there already, but plenty of room…

  4. maggot says:

    I’ll bet the T-shop is secretly a goth Twenty. In fact, that abusive comment might even have been him!

  5. Twenty Major says:

    It wouldn’t surprise me. Bertie prowling the streets of Drumcondra every night singing My Chemical Romance songs.

  6. just had a horrible vision of Mr Ahem dressed in one of Mansons stiletto and corset get-ups on the NCR….

  7. Celia Larking says:

    Is Emo back from the dead? Maybe he and Rod Hull are the answer to thieving heroin addicts. He could pose as a dealer and then maul them with his beak. Maybe he could even hide in the freezers in Iceland under the Sara Lee cheesecakes and spring a surprise attack. That’ll teach them!

  8. That’s a frightening image – Emo Bertie! as if he isn’t enought of a cunt already.

  9. Groucho says:

    A far better vision is Bertie in a corset and fish net tights promenading with Meatloaf Cowan :-)

  10. An island for the Goths?
    Naw, it doesn’t really suit. Islands can be cheerful sunny places with waves gently lapping on shorelines and perfect sunsets over endless horizons.

    What you really want is a cold, damp cave or a disused mine. The Goths could maintain their charming white, undernourished complexion and could spend every day feeling sorry for themselves. At the same time we would never have to see them hanging around outside second hand music shops or in art colleges. It’s a win-win situation really. Or at least until they turn into Morlocks and start eating us.

  11. maggot says:

    Fuck me Twenty – I saw a scary documentary on TV last night – Tara ? The sooner it’s concreted over the better. These archaeologists opened up a Tomb and this mummy came to life. Scared the crap out of me – mankind was lucky to survive , but God alone knows what lies under Tara – there could be an army of dead Berties that could come to life -and we might not be so lucky next time!

  12. maggot says:

    What you really want is a cold, damp cave or a disused mine.

    How about re-opening the Magdalene laundries ? Clean clothes for all, no more clerical scandals as what goes on behind clothsed doors (boom boom) is the church’s business and those cunts off the streets.

  13. Harshman says:

    What a fucking wee prick… Calling you narrow minded and then proceeding to wish you dead…
    That’s broad minded is it?

    I’m all for the goths in a cave idea… With no food so they have to feed on each other like the vampires they want to be… Don’t they realise that they all look fucking ridiculous?

  14. Sam says:

    I think somebody already came up with the “burning people he didnt like in a furnace idea” i dont think it has yet been released to the comedy realm.. ie it is something we just cant joke about, and I think almost everything is fair game… so stick to your very original and side splittingly funny island idea…

    Sam

  15. Manuel says:

    The goth seemed very conflicted, whilst he wants you dead he still clearly wants to e your mate. How odd……mate. All very strange..

    And Sam are you talking about one Mr G Seawright?

  16. feckless eejit says:

    calling ya mate… the fucking cheek of the wee
    bollix.

    always funny how, addressing someone mate or pal, is when your about to kick in their head.
    Whereas, you address someone as an auld whore, a crafty cunt, its a term of endearment

  17. maggot says:

    The goth needed testicle punching.

  18. ELCC says:

    There’s something kind of thoughtful about him wanting someone to kill you while you’re asleep though.

  19. Vageena says:

    “the idea of not taking anything.”

    What do you mean? anything as in nought?
    Have you lost your death wished small mind mate?

  20. Vageena says:

    “the idea of not taking anything.”

    Ridiculous.

  21. daniel says:

    I saw a happy goth last Saterday. It was scary….

  22. maggot says:

    Sweet Jesus Daniel – that must have been the anti-Goth, the end of the world is nigh!

  23. Andrea Corr says:

    no, the end of the day is nigh

  24. Pants Man says:

    Goths are cunts.

  25. taya says:

    I like the Goths,
    Your all just raging because none of them will let you shag them,

  26. Anto says:

    Twenty

    How long will it be until you join this list of tax exempt writers???

    http://www.revenue.ie/index.htm?/publications/lists/art_list3.htm

  27. Anto says:

    Even your best mate Damien Rice is on this list, as is Cecelia Ahern but no Andrea Corr…Where has she gone?

  28. Twenty Major says:

    Not sure she ever wrote a book, did she?

  29. Giver O'Shite says:

    No goths in third world countries. No anorexics either…

  30. Conan Drumm says:

    Bertie as a goth… yes I seen it, Bertlejuice it was called. Emo is a town in Offaly… queue Biffo, stage right, pale and wan…

  31. Anto says:

    No but they have music writers, “Fiar city” scriptwriters, sculptors and all sorts on it, including pen names when people use them…

  32. Dr Maroon says:

    “Not sure she ever wrote a book, did she?”

    Ahem.

  33. Anto says:

    Thanks Dr Maroon

    How stupid!! I had completely missed that touch of irony as well as being dyslexic and unable to spell “Fair City”..

  34. What is wrong with taking melon..i have it all the time, its lovely with ice-cream. Although the seeds do annoy me, i have taken to swallowing them rather than removing them, which isnt a wise thing to do as they clump together in your hole, i once bent over from the waist in Dunns in Galway and trapped wind in my stomach excaped as a fart, the seeds seizing their chance, shot out of my hole like pellets from a shotgun cartrage and blew the head off a manderin! “Not too much damage there” says you, but this manderin was part of the Chinese embassy and was in Dunns shoplifting..They have diplomatic immunity against that you know. A bit like riding a hoor and knowing you wont catch crabs..ive applied to be a Chinese diplomat so i can shite outside the window of the swankist resturant in Mullingar (is there such a creature) and there wont be a thing the bastards can do about it. I might even then go in order all types of mellon dishs and eat without paying and smoke a fag or two in front of their noses and as for Goths! Isnt this some sort of building style? What is the country coming to? Are we to “stand idlely by” (as we did) as buildings converge on our streets and lurk on every corner! Mansions named after dead film actress’s!!!! Id kick the micky off any one who dared name a house after joe logan, that banshee sounding bouncer looking eejet, who shamed our country with his euro song “whats another gay” i wouldnt name me ‘studying’ shed after him. Now that im going Lets have a serious debate about burning Sam who thinks we shouldnt joke about ovens or kettles or, for the love of god, burners. enough said, im of to the shed to do some studying.

  35. Twenty Major says:

    Christ you are one tedious cunt.

  36. Dr Maroon says:

    I was talking to Major. I’m afraid YOU have the advantage of me Anto.

    How’s Decko by the way?

  37. Twenty Major says:

    You’ve lost me again, Maroon. Why would Andrea Corr be on the list of authors liable for tax exemption?

  38. Anto says:

    He’s on the list under his pseudonym, Guggi, for sculpture

  39. Dr Maroon says:

    Oh I can’t even remember now, but I think you mentioned once your intention to WRITE A FUCKING BOOK

  40. Twenty Major says:

    Oh yes, the book I am currently interrupting the ‘tightening up’ of to reply to your comment which still makes no sense.

    What has me writing a book got to do with Andrea Corr not writing one?

  41. 20..me and u are twins seperated at birth, i went to live next door, because they thought i was deformed, i seemingly had three legs and no micky. I only ever saw you through the window. I wasnt allowed out by the mellon addicts who were put in charge of me in case i ran away and they wouldnt of been able to catch me, me being so fast having three legs. It was only when i reached a certin age that they realised i only had two legs but a fecking big micky! They cruelly took advatage of this and used me like a freak..i dont mean they put me in circus but they would hire me out to small companies who couldnt afford a forklift or who’s one had broke and id lift wooden pallets all day, three times on a sunday, with me micky! Is it any wonder im as mad as a hatter and have a long record of molesting wood. Im in the process of doing the Beatles norwegian wood so excuse the shaky typing. Fav actress you ask! Natalie wood.

  42. Dr Maroon says:

    Right, and I think this wrings out the very little joy that was in it in the first place.

    you said, I don’t think she wrote a book,
    I thought, that’s a bit pot and kettle,
    so, for a fucking laugh, just for a joke mind, I made a coughing noise, you know ironically,
    then Anto jumped in and opened a can of whup ass on me, yeah, right,

    Tell you what, just tell us when the fucking thing’s finished.

    Is Andrea Corr in the Corrs? Is she the nice one or the one that looks like she might be dirty?

  43. Twenty Major says:

    No, Andrea Corr is in The Undertones.

    I refuse to respond to any of the rest.

  44. Anto says:

    Lads, sorry to have caused such upset…..Dr…she is the sultry looking one with the dark hair and the CFM eyes

  45. Dr Maroon says:

    “I refuse to respond to any of the rest.”

    What does that mean?
    Look, it’ll have to wait, no time, gotta go.

    Anto don’t flatter yourself.

  46. G.G Allin says:

    Goths culture is for people who were never accepted by any section of society. When you go to school most people try to be friends with the “popular” kids.

    If they get rejected they move onto another social segment. Second from the bottom is nerds but at the very very bottom is goths.

    They are the lowest form of humans. They have been rejected by every social group down the line all their lives. They then decide to wear stupid makeup and dress like the undertaker because any looser will be accepted by goths. Nobody gets told sorry you are not cool enough or you are not good looking enough to become a goth.

    Goth birds are the most horrible growlers in the whole world and I can categorically say that there is not one, and I mean not one, good looking goth in the entire world, fact.

  47. Twenty Major says:

    So you’re a goth then.

  48. daniel says:

    Tjeez, these comments are even worse than Dave and Pete talking…

  49. G.G Allin says:

    I am a goth beater. As in I give them a kick up the hole if I see one.

    Twenty dont wind me up.

  50. Loco Lobo says:

    Goths are freakazoids.

  51. kev says:

    have to agree with wee daniel, the quality of blogging and commenting today is abysmal… heavy weekend twenty?

    ps goths are people too… fucked up evil sick puppy-clubbing people (only too sensitive to club a puppy…)

  52. Gomaith says:

    I would have to disagree with the sweeping generalisation that goths are not good looking. I’ve met some stunners.

  53. maggot says:

    Fat Vito – who met a nasty end – had a little fat son in the Sopranos – he became a Goth for a while.

  54. Twenty Major says:

    True, and what a little cunt he was.

  55. maggot says:

    I kept hoping Phil would send the boys round to sort him out – hasn’t happened yet. But that big nosed cunt Chris finally got his which made my day!

  56. 10 Park Drive says:

    Daniel is correct. What we have here is a bunch of wimp nerds who cream their pants every time they type the word “cunt” and see it in print. They would’nt dare say the word ‘cos mummy would be shocked. Fuckin’ losers ! Ooh, aargh !

  57. 10 Park Drive says:

    Talk about Billy no mates.

  58. 10 Park Drive says:

    He’s my brother. But he’s older than me.

  59. maggot says:

    Is he heavy ?

  60. 10 Park Drive says:

    Cun’t tellya

  61. In fairno Twenty, what’s a goth going to do to you? hug you to death outside Central Bank? Chew the sleeves off your jumper? Scare you to death with his shit make up? Dazzle you to death with the metal bits on his oversize clown boots?

    Or bore you to death with stories of his individuality and tortured teenage soul?

    I wouldn’t worry…

  62. maggot says:

    The road is long with many a winding turn.

  63. Dogsbollix says:

    “bore you to death with stories of his individuality and tortured teenage soul?” Christ, surely Goths don’t hold a monopoly on that one. Damien Rice Fans want their say as well….

  64. Twenty Major says:

    Yes indeed. The Damien Rice fans are worse than goths.

    I’m not too worried, OFTR, but you can’t be too careful.

  65. where can i buy half a dozen of these goths! i have plans for them.

  66. is there any more blogs where pepole interact with eejects like me..perhps one run from a mental ward

  67. Damien Rice fans have 30 year old souls.

  68. boring boring! where the good chatters gone! where’s the craic!

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