“Fucking hell”, said Stinking Pete, “did you see all those miners trapped in South Africa.”
“I think it’s disgraceful that they still send children down those place”, said Dirty Dave. “This isn’t 1950s London any more, is it?”
“Jesus”, I sighed.
“I wonder did they forget their canary”, said Pete.
“What do you mean”, said Dave.
“Well, miners always carry a canary in a cage down with them because canaries are all-seeing, all-knowing birds. If there’s a gas leak they whistle twice. If there’s a supporting beam about to collapse they whistle three times. If the mine is about to get flooded because of a nearby tsunami they whistle twice and chirp once. So, as you can see, the mining company provides all the necessary safety and early-warning features you can think of.”
“Perhaps it got eaten by a cat.”
“Like Sylvester!”
“Sylvester is a big gay black man who says ‘Do you wanna funk’. How would he get down a mine shaft in those outfits without being spotted.”
“No, you gobshite. I meant Sylvester the black and white cat from the cartoons that lisps and tries to eat that Tweety Bird.”
“I really hate Tweety Bird.”
“Me too. I’d rape him in the face with a porcupine.”
“So maybe their canary got eaten by a cat, is all I’m saying.”
“But wouldn’t they notice the cage was empty before they went down there.”
“He could have cunningly replaced the live bird with a lifelike papier mache canary.”
“That would be some smart cat.”
“Not smart enough to know a broken pipe would sever power cables and render the lifts useless.”
“It’s a cat. Not God or Paul Daniels.”
“What do you think God looks like?”
“Hopefully not like Paul Daniels. That would be a massive disappointment. You get to heaven and there’s Paul Daniels waiting for you.”
“Just like that!”
“That’s Tommy Cooper.”
“Shut that door!”
“Larry Grayson.”
“Nice to see you, to see you nice.”
“Brucie as God. I could live with that.”
And so the never ending cycle of shite continues to spout from the mouths of Dave and Pete. It never stops. It will never stop. Words without end. Amen.
I’d shag dirty dave and his great big wanger so I would, can you tell me how to contact him?
dirtydave@greatbigwanger.com
Andrea Corr,you’r like my favourite wrench or spanner, every time I hear you, or see you my nuts tighten, now that Iv’e seen something you have written my nuts have gone full torque, this calls for a drop of easing fluid!
When I lived in Mayo we had no glass in our windows, but we had a Putty Cat!
Cats are going to take over the world.
Cats are evil little cunts, they should get the jew treatment.
Fuck off Johnny 5 or I’ll give you Toxoplasma.
Maybe they left the blue canary in the outlet by the light switch….who watches over youuuuuuuuu..
Tweety the canary is a hero, after the news finished the other evening, there was a special bulliten about him where he climbed up a four hundred ladder to the top of a chimney, he didn’t fly, then he walked across a hundred plank to another chimney, he didn’t fly, he picked up an anvil and threw it at a cat, then abseiled down half way and then he flew, saying some thing about loosing his way to the speach therapist!
He’s an example to us all that Tweety!
Cats are not evil, bit thick but not evil. Ours still hasn’t realised I don’t eat mouse (not unless its skinned, minced,shoved in a sheeps bladder and called haggis) or relish chasing the rapid little fuckers round the house at one in the morning after hes finished playing with it.
Would a canary detect the true toxicity of Britneys Love Mound if hung in a cage from her pubes?
This is war PP !
Maggot: I will send Willie O’Dea round to invite you out for a kicking. He’s got the backing of the whole Department of Dea’fence so you should be shittin’ it.
Now if you could only teach a mole to chirp, it could keep an eye out for potential mine hazards and work along side you as well. Streamlining the process through multitasking y’see? It would also keep moles off our streets, out of the dole queues and away from our pristine lawns. I think I’m onto something here…
It would be easier to blind a canary and paint it black..a far more practical solution than educating moles.
Cats especially kittens are tasty in a pie with worcester sauce, really yummy better than rabbits any day…
once had a cat nibble on me minge so i did
Willie O’Dea ? No match for my nominee, Mary Harney!
Twenty the shite would stop if you put two bullets in their heads.
Macdara, perhaps spray them in fake tan and send them to London. The Met would take care of it.
Maybe we could do that to maggot aswell. Killing two birds with the one stone so to speak.
I hate it when krankies like PP and Macdara get ideas above their station. Cunts.
The thing is maggot I like cunts they tend to give me pleasure. Unlike fish food, cunts are useful.
Piss off Mac – we all know you are a shirt-lifter!
Christ, can the wittering fools get a room please. I didn’t come here for chat.
:)
هلاً و سهلاً
Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the wee donkey Mac, that’s a dreadful thing to say!
It was bad maggot but at least we have both proved Twenty’s point.
“And so the never ending cycle of shite continues to spout from the mouths of MacDara and Fish Food. It never stops. It will never stop. Words without end. Amen.”
at least we have both proved Twenty’s point.
Was there ever any doubt ?
They should be banished to another church. The jazz handed one in Finglas.
Brucie for Taoiseach!
With Bertie the price is always right
Moles are cunts
Twenty
you congratulate irish pigs and piglets shooting dead unarmed people in Lusk but frown upon english pigs and piglets shooting dead unarmed brazilians in london.
nice to see consistency in your thought process
I once had a mole on my cock.
Make of that what you will.
Apropos of nothing, why is Eddie O’Sullivan selling some investment scam – sorry I meant scheme – on the radio. I wouldn’t buy a slightly soiled rugby team from the man.
Itchy – you’ve been reading long enough not to expect consistency of thought or opinion.
“I once had a mole on my cock.
Make of that what you will.”
Oh yeah Johnny5? Well I once had hives on mine. Pick the bones outa that.
Why don’t you invite Louis Theroux to come and interview Dave and Pete? He could bring Paul Daniels and Debbie McGee with him…
I had a thrush on mine.
Maggot: it was probably there to eat the crabs
Johnny 5: did the bees still produce honey? “Cock honey” theres a product I don’t want to see in any organic shops.
more potato?
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,299263,00.html
Well You know what they say A cock in your hand is may not worth two in a bush.
“I once had a mole on my cock.
Make of that what you will.”
Was it Blunt or Burgess, Johnny?
Twenty, why is your book on the amazon link now called The Case of the Ginger Albino ?
Sorry if you explained this already.
That was an old working title. Not sure why it’s up on Amazon though.
Blunt or Burgess, heh
I don’t know if it was blunt or burgess but it was fucking big.
Probably Burgess then.
So was it a case of “I’ll blow your cover if you’ll blow mine”?
Had a look on Amazon and read the synopsis of the book.
Sounds great
‘…..that is more sinister than seeing your granny tongue-kiss with an 18 year old…..’ Doesn’t sound great
Yes, that’s a line that can be improved, I think.
Its a good line, just the thought of it doesn’t sound great.
Like – ‘I’d rape him in the face with a porcupine’
which is just the latest of the thousands of other great lines that have appeared on this site.
Its what attracts all us sick fuckers
So was it a case of “I’ll blow your cover if you’ll blow mine”?
No.I had to go to the mater to have it surgically removed.
Seriously
Ooooh, those Soviet spies really chomp down don’t they.
Not seriously.
So was it a case of “I’ll blow your cover if you’ll blow mine”?
Just tell us there wasn’t a leak. That’s the sort of thing that leads to egg-white on the face, and that’s no yolk. It takes more than a tissue of lies to clean that up that sort of thing. Daniel Craig would have to get involved.
Mmmm, Daniel Craig…. I’d blow his cover.
Just saw Darragh O’Brien make a speech in De Dall on Oireactas Report.
He was fucking embarrassing.
He was Fucking inspiring.
I sent him Billie Barry’s number.
Fucking joke that these type’s are approved.
Claire Daly – No Seat
Darragh O’Brien – Seat
Ray Burke – an innocent, honourable man
*burp*