The cat does what in the box now
Posted on | October 2, 2007 | 57 Comments
“So”, said Dirty Dave talking to Stinking Pete, “it turns out that Schrodinger Scat is not some kind of mathematical poo porn.”
“Oh yeah? What is it then?”
“Well, it’d be very hard to explain to someone like yourself but basically you take a cat-”
“A cat?”
“Yeah.”
“Where the hell did the cat come from?”
“I dunno, a pet shop? It doesn’t matter.”
“Right.”
“So you get the cat and put it in a box and put in some aparatus that can shoot out marbles-”
“Marbles? What kind of marbles? Steelies? Gulleys?”
“Again, you’re straying from what’s important. The point is you get the cat in the box and if the box shoots out a marble then the cat dies from poisoning. But if the box is in a far away location then we can’t know if the cat is dead or alive so it inhabits this undead world between dimensions that none of us can go to because we’re not a cat in a marble shooting box. Do you see?”
“Of course”, said Pete not willing to be out-smarted by Dave, “but surely the paradox of the cat’s state of being is something that we can apply to our everyday lives.”
“Erm, quite so”, said Dave before changing the subject. “Did you see that Britney Spears has lost her kids.”
“That’s what happens when you have a house with so many bedrooms. They’re probably hiding in a closet somewhere.”
“No, she’s lost custody of them.”
“Mmmm, custard. Who’s got the kids now then?”
“Her husband, Corn-Fed.”
“Well, at least that gives her more time to go and do the things she loves like getting really drunk, looking ridiculous and flashing her vagina when getting out cars. I can imagine kids can be a bit of a hindrance to that kind of behaviour.”
“So the cat. What’s its name?”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“I had a cat once. Turned out to be a Jack Russell though. No wonder the little cunt never used the litter tray.”
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57 Responses to “The cat does what in the box now”
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October 2nd, 2007 @ 9:11 am
Well, Yeah I had a dog once but I got high and lost it up my chuff. I think the courts were scared the kids would go the same way.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 9:28 am
Cats are evil little cunts. They should get the Jew treatment.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 9:29 am
What would Israel do with all those cats though?
October 2nd, 2007 @ 9:53 am
We would put them in catapults and fire them into those hordes of whirling camel riding dervishes that are waiting to smite us. That would show em’
October 2nd, 2007 @ 10:01 am
OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
BRITNEY’S CHUFF IS BIGGER THAN ME
MINISTER OF CABBAGES
October 2nd, 2007 @ 10:02 am
Poor Britney. I’m worried this will push her over the edge.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 10:05 am
What’s she going to do? Eat more chilli dogs and go around more naked?
October 2nd, 2007 @ 10:24 am
Britney needs help. At the very least. I think we should be nice and leave her alone. Perhaps we could get her a cat -Schrodinger may have one to spare.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 10:26 am
She might actually prefer the scat.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 10:26 am
What would Israel do with all those cats though?
heh
October 2nd, 2007 @ 10:43 am
Johnny5 – an all time new low for you “get the Jew treatment” You really are an attention-seeking git. Let’s hope you disappear up Britney’s chuff someday soon -preferably during one of her “haven’t washed in a week” episodes
October 2nd, 2007 @ 10:45 am
Cats holes are freaky. Everything about them is wrong.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 10:54 am
Cats already did get the Jew treatment all over Europe in the dark and early middle ages when God-fearing peasants all over Europe were convinced they were the physical manifestation of evil or Satan himself or somesuch bollocks. Didn’t work then, won’t work now.
Cats are great.
Johnny5 on the other hand, is named after the gay robot in Short Circuit.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 11:07 am
And next week Dave will no doubt explain the Heisenberg uncertainty principle of electron orbitals by describing the way Paris Hilton dry humps frat boys.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 11:07 am
In the interests of reducing traffic we have decided to introduce a toll on Britneys snatch thus discouraging users and reducing emissions. This will generate more income for the government which we can spunk on more civil servants.
It does not actually address the main issue of emmissions from said snatch…back to ministering cabbages methinks.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 11:13 am
“Johnny5 on the other hand, is named after the gay robot in Short Circuit”.
Thanks Giver of Shite, you’ve made my day – I had forgotten that!
October 2nd, 2007 @ 11:15 am
Twenty- I cannot believe how beastly you have been in the past few days to those great female Icons, Kerry and Britney. Who will be next ? Madonna ? Whitney ?
October 2nd, 2007 @ 11:28 am
Bianca?
October 2nd, 2007 @ 11:31 am
You know vageena, I suspect this may all be linked to the end of Anne Robinson’s marriage!
October 2nd, 2007 @ 11:45 am
Lung: That sounds more like “Cat-astrophe theory” to me (sorry, but I couldn’t resist).
October 2nd, 2007 @ 11:53 am
Has Anne Robinson got a pussy?
October 2nd, 2007 @ 11:54 am
Twenty is the man to ask vageena!
October 2nd, 2007 @ 11:58 am
I’d say it’s vicious.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 11:59 am
I know nothing of Anne Robinson’s pets or genitals.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 11:59 am
or should I say “vichyssoise”
October 2nd, 2007 @ 12:08 pm
I’d love some custard……
October 2nd, 2007 @ 12:10 pm
I know nothing of Anne Robinson’s pets or genitals.
That would explain the divorce, if my suspicions are correct!
October 2nd, 2007 @ 12:48 pm
Poor children. Stupid judge. Neither Britney nor Corn-Fed is fit to be a parent.
Maybe the kids can be adopted by some poor African family that at least knows what kids are for: free labor for the family farm.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 12:48 pm
Celia, I bet you have a massive nose, don’t you?
That’s a very witty play on Celia Larkin’s name you’ve done there though. WEll done on that. I see what you did alright. You put a ‘g’ at the end of Larkin beause you are Larking, right? Is that it? I’m right aren’t I?
October 2nd, 2007 @ 1:33 pm
J5, I do not know if you are right or not but I do know that you are a festering cunt.
The best part of you ran down yer ma’s thigh.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 1:36 pm
My Ma has no legs.
Check. Mate.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 2:04 pm
Thats cause I am a test tube in an experimental lab in the Department of Agriculture
October 2nd, 2007 @ 2:09 pm
Note to readers: If you plan on insulting me can you please do so using legible English?
I’m not asking much.
Thanks.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 2:10 pm
Cats are evil little cunts. They should get the Jew treatment.
Naw, J5. Circumcision is too good for ‘em. Although it would completely redefine the word ‘catnip’.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 2:24 pm
“Cats are evil little cunts. They should get the Jew treatment.”
Judging by the wounds my cat has inflicted on me on more than one occasion I’d say she’s an expert at Krav Maga (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Krav_maga).
Watch out J5, them’s fighting words and you’d better not annoy our furry felines as they will get you…
October 2nd, 2007 @ 2:33 pm
Dang right, and you’ve certainly rubbed me up the wrong way Johnny5. Glad to report that my nose is perfectly formed, unlike your intellect.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 2:49 pm
Celia, Fist yourself you insufferable bore.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 3:05 pm
Jesus J5, did I touch a raw nerve?
October 2nd, 2007 @ 3:05 pm
Israel, AKA occupied Palestine, would steal the cats land and property, stuff all the cats in refugee camps for 60 years and counting. Meantime, shelling them and running them over with catdozers.Bastard Israelis.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 3:12 pm
Israel’s disregard for our feline friends is well known.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 3:31 pm
Jesus J5, did I touch a raw nerve?
I’m not sure, how far did your fist go?
October 2nd, 2007 @ 3:42 pm
Hey 10 Park Drive, why don’t you start a new web page?:
LOLJEWSHCONSPRCY
IZ IN UR COUNTREEZ, CONTROLIN’ UR BANX N’ MEDIA.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 3:45 pm
I IZ WRITIN A NEW VERSHUN OF PROTOLOLOLCATJEWS OF ELDERS OF ZION
October 2nd, 2007 @ 4:02 pm
This is one for cat fans – it’s suitable for family viewing.
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/66347/cat_herding/
October 2nd, 2007 @ 4:28 pm
J5 skagmeister, not far enough it would seem in order to have travelled through cyber space, out through your computer screen and jammed itself into your raisin sized testicle
October 2nd, 2007 @ 4:40 pm
I like your style Celia – may I plight my troth ?
October 2nd, 2007 @ 4:43 pm
CHILL OUT GUYS ‘N GALS
October 2nd, 2007 @ 5:05 pm
Why, many thanks Mr Maggot, but I already linked by the universe to yer man in the anorak. 10 Park Drive – don’t be upset, it’s not real you know (cue dream sequence music)
October 2nd, 2007 @ 5:08 pm
I must say 20 I did appreciate your foray into theoretical physics. Prior to the abrupt change to Bratney. Still, Jack the lad had it right with his graffiti.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 5:08 pm
I’m devastated Celia. Have you Britney’s phone number ?
October 2nd, 2007 @ 5:26 pm
No, but I could hook you up with Donna from Donna & Joe, Ireland’s great Eurovision hopefuls of 2005!
October 2nd, 2007 @ 5:31 pm
You are such a kind soul. now to do some googling!
October 2nd, 2007 @ 6:26 pm
“Corn Fed” made me laugh, thanks.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 6:31 pm
You’d have fun there, Maggot. No doubt.
October 2nd, 2007 @ 6:57 pm
I’m at that difficult age Twenty – you know what it’s like.
October 3rd, 2007 @ 3:01 am
I think Britney could use a new pussy.
Just sayin’.
October 3rd, 2007 @ 10:11 am
J5 skagmeister, not far enough it would seem in order to have travelled through cyber space, out through your computer screen and jammed itself into your raisin sized testicle
:)
If I’m going to be insulted I want this to be the standard.