Rugby Roy
Posted on | October 1, 2007 | 21 Comments
There we were in Ron’s yesterday afternoon having a few quiet pints, a game or two of dominos and a flick through the quality Sunday papers (Can you believe what Kerry Katona and her cocaine filled udders have been up to now?!) when in walked Rugby Roy.
“Ah, lads. Thought I’d come down here and share the excitement of the game with you.”
“What fucking game?”, said Ron.
“Ireland v Argentina in the rugby world cup.”
“There’s a rugby world cup? Since when?”
“Oh, Ron. You’re such a joker.”
Now, we haven’t seen Rugby Roy for a long time. Like a really long time. Since that time he dragged us all to Lansdowne Road to watch us get beaten by the French and we had some cunt of an Australian playing for us who looked like he should have been drowning in the surf instead of trying to kick ‘drop goals’ or whatever.
“Rugby Roy”, I said, “I’m curious as to why you came here to watch the game when you could be watching it will all your rugby friends who actually like rugby.”
“Ahh, I don’t have any friends who like rugby anymore”, he said.
“What on earth happened to them all?”
“Well, it wasn’t so much them as me. I was caught having an affair and they ostracised me and then sent me to Coventry and then refused to speak to me. My wife kicked me out, my kids won’t speak to me and none of my friends will let me anywhere near them.”
“Over an affair? People should get with the times a bit.”
“The affair was with the 17 year old daughter of my best friend, Lineout Liam. He came home and found me riding her in his bed. Dressed in his wife’s lingerie. With an orange in her mouth. And I was slapping her arse shouting ‘Ride ‘em cowboy Roy!’ She looked like one of those red arsed monkeys except with a penis in her vagina. My penis. Suffice to say he wasn’t best pleased.”
“Right, so you get kicked out of that life and come running to us as if we’re you’re replacement friends.”
“Oh no. It’s not like that. I tried my work colleagues, then some distant acquaintances, then tried to make friends with various homeless people and disease carriers then I came here. Just thought we might watch the match together.”
“You are a mongy clit, Rugby Roy, but we’re not bad sorts really. We’ll watch the match with you.”
So we did. That Ronan O’Gara is one shit cunt, isn’t he?
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21 Responses to “Rugby Roy”
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October 1st, 2007 @ 9:18 am
I’ll be his friend …..
October 1st, 2007 @ 9:52 am
OK I can understand the orange in the mouth thing if she was noisy, but why was Roy wearing Liam’s wife’s lingerie ? That’s perverted.
October 1st, 2007 @ 9:54 am
A “shit cunt” is about the nicest thing that’s been said about O’Gara all week. And rightly so.
October 1st, 2007 @ 10:31 am
See, the thing about Rugby is its all a bit gay. I am sure that after the matches there are a few shennanigans involving lingerie and oranges.
How can you tell one “shit cunt” apart in a field full of them?
October 1st, 2007 @ 11:01 am
Yep, Rugby is gay alright. Good if you are looking for an amateur prostate exam but otherwise a useless, pointless game for inbred rich cunts.
October 1st, 2007 @ 11:13 am
No offence Pants Man but is only a gay rich mans sport in South Dublin and Ulster. In Limerick, Wales and most of the Southern hemisphere its for working class gay men.
Thats why they are all better than Ireland.
October 1st, 2007 @ 12:10 pm
I’m just glad it’s all over.
October 1st, 2007 @ 12:14 pm
Once again, Argentina have proved that their beef is far superior to ours.
October 1st, 2007 @ 12:19 pm
Oh dear Lord, that’ll just start Twenty off about Irish farmers again!
I’d rather talk about the luscious Kerry Katona!
What a babe!
October 1st, 2007 @ 12:22 pm
I think it’s wonderful that the partially sighted can come to this blog…
October 1st, 2007 @ 12:24 pm
sigh…
October 1st, 2007 @ 12:25 pm
Hell Twenty – think of the tactile experience! With honeymoon appendages like those who would need eyesight?
October 1st, 2007 @ 12:51 pm
She’d have fucking kids hanging off ‘em like a litter of piglets.
October 1st, 2007 @ 12:54 pm
If the IRFU followed the FAI’s example they’d make O Gara manager of the Irish side. It’s an each-way bet.
October 1st, 2007 @ 12:58 pm
The Kids wouldn’t get a look in PP!
October 1st, 2007 @ 12:59 pm
Honeymoon appendages? Are we talking about Irish cows or Kerry Katona?
October 1st, 2007 @ 1:12 pm
Fun bags if you prefer Mad dog.
October 1st, 2007 @ 1:31 pm
Thanks for the clarification, Maggot. For a minute I was worried about catching Brucellosis…
October 1st, 2007 @ 2:06 pm
Is rugby roy good looking?
October 1st, 2007 @ 2:37 pm
Yes, he looks like that bloke from that thing with the other bloke and he can make claws come out of his hands.
October 1st, 2007 @ 3:13 pm
no more phil fucking coulter shite