Fuck off you farmers
Posted in Blog by Twenty Major on September 27th, 2007
I am aghast. Listen to this:
FARMERS stormed an EU Commission event at the ploughing championships yesterday to protest against continued imports of Brazilian beef despite disease risks and lower standards. Placard-wielding Irish Farmers Association members, with slogans such as “Give Brazil the Red Card”, demanded an equal playing field for Irish beef farmers.
IFA President Padraig Walshe confronted EU Commission representative Martin Territt over what he claimed was an “EU cover-up over double standards on Brazilian beef”. Over 90pc of people surveyed by the IFA this week believed that Brazilian beef did not meet EU standards on food safety, foot and mouth disease controls and traceability, and wanted it banned, he said.
Right, well who did they survey? Other farmers, I bet. And it probably went something like this:
Do you believe Brazilian beef, which is rolled in corpse sweat and then floated downriver on a rickety old raft before being left out in the sun for flies to lay their eggs on and then exported to Ireland in the open air on a slow boat, is safe?
I wrote a little while ago about the taste of meat and how it was all so samey and homogeneous and that’s entirely down to Irish farmers being crap and making meat. South Americans know how to make their beef taste good and I don’t care how they do it. They can pump them full of whatever the fuck they want once it tastes good on my plate.
Of course Irish farmers probably do exactly the same but they’re no good at it. Am I right in thinking it’s illegal to import Argentinian beef into Ireland? I’m sure I read that somewhere. They probably say it’s something to do with safety but it’s entirely due to the fact that once people started to taste Argentinian beef then went back to the crap produced by Irish farmers they’d never buy Irish again.
So, Irish farmers, quite your yip-yapping and concentrate on making tastier steaks. Coat the grass with cajun seasoning, provide massages for your cows to keep the meat tender, let it hang for more than a couple of days before you flog it to supermarkets vacuum packed in plastic, do something to make it better or shut the fuck up.
fuck’s sake ! keep it down until after the rugby match dis saherda
September 27th, 2007 at 9:24 am
Do we even need farmers anymore? Can’t we find some kind of automated machine that will not grow stuff for fuck loads of cash?
September 27th, 2007 at 9:36 am
1
Love your blog Twenty :-)
But on this one I disagree with you..
Foot-and-mouth disease is endemic in Brazil, there is a haphazard vaccination programme and there are no effective controls on the movement of cattle across borders and between foot and mouth restricted and unrestricted states. There is no reliable cattle traceability, there is a routine cutting out of tags to remove animal identity, and no monitoring of cattle treatments.
Now I like a steak as much as the next person, but give me an Irish steak any day over a Brazillian one!
September 27th, 2007 at 9:41 am
2
Meat is murder! And bad for you. Join Paul McCartney and be a cunt, erm veggie.
September 27th, 2007 at 9:51 am
3
Oilcan - but Irish steaks taste like someone just sprayed some flesh with ‘meat flavouring II’.
I’ll take my chances with foot and mouth.
September 27th, 2007 at 9:57 am
4
While farmers are genetically conditioned to be whingy, moaning cunts the whole genes thing is not their fault – well, maybe if they left the sheep alone but that’s for another thread. We could help deepen the gene pool but would you want to have calves with one? The real problem lies with the beef factories. They have the farmers by the bollix with no place else to sell their meat. The factories want bland assembly line crap to sell in their vacuum packed plastic bags to Tescos and Dunnes et al and the farmers must comply or eat their own beasts.
September 27th, 2007 at 10:01 am
5
For Fucks sake you naive bunch of bastards, Farmers have no time to improve the taste of their beef, as this diary entry from farmer Paddy Mc Whiner shows:
5am: Get up 5am to ensure EU Grant forms are ready for filling in
5am-7am: Spend two hours filling in forms to receive huge subsidy for not actually farming fuck all
7am-8am: Have breakfast
8am-11am: Count money in bank from EU subsidies
11am-1pm: Drive around in my tractor slowing down traffic in my area, and congratulating myself on getting cheap diesel.
1pm-2pm: Lunch
2pm-4pm: Attend local Farmers Union and complain bitterly about foreign farmers
4pm-6pm: Masturbate over Clodagh and decide to go organic
6pm-7pm: Dinner
7pm-9pm: Drive in Tractor to local Pub , drink seven pints and moan about fucking everthing
9pm-10pm: Drive home crash tractor into tree and stagger home to make love to that beautiful sheep in top field
10pm Bed
September 27th, 2007 at 10:06 am
6
Give me a bit of Brazilian beef any day… Irish men have gone all girly and moisturisery.
September 27th, 2007 at 10:20 am
7
Do you think Twenty uses Male grooming products ELCC?
September 27th, 2007 at 10:46 am
8
seeing as how ghasts are undead monsters, he probably needs all the grooming products he can get
September 27th, 2007 at 10:52 am
9
Twenty, do a google on “Wagyu beef”
Yes, Irish Beef is very fucking bland.
But that is because of the boring diet of the cattle.
And to a lesser degree the breed of cattle.
Its not fully Irish farmers fault.
Irish cows eat Irish grass, this will give the meat a bland taste.
However the same cow, say, corn fed, will be much tastier. Or the same cow fed on the Pampas, will
be tastier.
September 27th, 2007 at 10:57 am
10
Am I hot blooded male on this site who would prefer a brazilian….to an Irish steak
September 27th, 2007 at 10:57 am
11
He was brushing his teeth last week! Who knows where it all ends…
September 27th, 2007 at 10:58 am
12
prepare to have your testicles punched porridge.
Or to wake up in bed with tour goat’s head beside you.
September 27th, 2007 at 10:59 am
13
I think he was kidding about brushing his teeth!
He’s a steradent man.
September 27th, 2007 at 11:00 am
14
ooh, fighting talk. so, the maggot has turned..
if farmers want an equal playing field, fine - they can work for fuck all for twenty hours a day in sweltering heat and get no eu intervention/subsidy/money for being really shite and uncompetitive
September 27th, 2007 at 11:20 am
15
Well I eat Brazillian all the time ( I am talking about Steaks)and Argentinian and twenty is right they taste lovely compared to Irish beef. Now in saying that you can’t beat Irish Pig .
September 27th, 2007 at 11:34 am
16
Theres been a serious amount of posturing and testosterone fueled comments on Twenty’s blog over the past day or so.
Calm down the lot of you.
September 27th, 2007 at 11:34 am
17
Ha! MacsycophantDara returns to the fray grovelling!
September 27th, 2007 at 11:36 am
18
Yeah, and enough of the teeth brushing too!
September 27th, 2007 at 11:38 am
19
testosterone fueled comments
Testosterone envy!
Just back from the shops - It’s ridiculous - the number of women driving 4WDs - those are for men!
OK, I can understand their husbands wanting to ensure the children have a fair chance of surviving the school run by letting the missus have a panzer - but it doesn’t work out in the long run as their pretty little heads assume they are invincible and they abandon all pretence at safe driving. Much safer for ALL of us if they were only allowed to drive balsa wood body cars with moped engines.
September 27th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
20
They are bleating on about Foot & Mouth in Brazil cos they think the general population are scared at the mention of it. Beef from an animal with F&M is perfectly safe, even if they had any evidence that the animals the Brazilian beef comes from had it, which they don’t.
I’ve worked in Irish meat factories and in the meat industry. Let me tell you farmers had to be dragged kicking and screaming into the traceability they go on and on about now. They didn’t want it, it had to be forced on them. They are constantly bringing filthy cattle to meat plants and moaning when they are sent home with them - and shit all over an animal IS a cause for concern.
And as for the meat plants - all the management in them are ever looking for is a short cut to the bucket of money and they don’t give a fuck about either quality or hygiene. In spite of their constant going on about high standards they would be filthy dives if there was not constant vigilance on them by expensive teams of inspectors which are mostly paid for by the government (ie US).
September 27th, 2007 at 12:25 pm
21
where the hell did I park my JCB last night after a couple of pints of real ale…*
*spits, scratches lady patch, pulls underwear out of arse crack and thinks about sex.
September 27th, 2007 at 12:26 pm
22
Ironically enough it was the farmers who were most dead set against Ireland joining the EU (or EEC as it was then) when it was being referenda-ed back in 72 or so.
Just to illustrate that they don’t really know what they’re bollocking on about.
It’s one thing complaining about Braz beef imports adding to the trade deficit, but don’t start making up a health scare about it just ‘cos you don’t like a little competition, you welly-wearing cunts
September 27th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
23
Missus, are you not long gone to the gym - working on the weights and doing your quota of bench presses?
Farming in Ireland amounts to (a) fencing a half acre with road frontage and wheedling planning permission from the county council and or (b) upping the ante when the council wants to widen the roads and or (c) pocketing about 20,000 ’single farm payment’ from the EU whether you sit on your arse or have a herd of cattle.
September 27th, 2007 at 12:39 pm
24
fuck the farmers sheep shagging cunts , they have ireland fucked ,greedy cunts
September 27th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
25
I’m going I’m going. Large butterflies in the garden are making me drag my feet. Oh sometimes it’s just so hard to go.
September 27th, 2007 at 12:51 pm
26
I’ll bet that those Argentinian cows have guns, too.
September 27th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
27
There’s an easy solution - it’s served Ireland well in the past - Plantation! Fire the lazy greedy Irish gobshites abroad and bring in Brazilian farmers. Good Catholics so the Church will be happy and they know the value of the brown envelope so the politicans won’t lose out.
September 27th, 2007 at 1:03 pm
28
Twenty - “but Irish steaks taste like someone just sprayed some flesh with ‘meat flavouring II’.
I’ll take my chances with foot and mouth.”
Would you like some CJD with that?
September 27th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
29
Oh yeah, CJD beef is the best there is.
September 27th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
30
Your fucking blood donation service won’t let me give blood because of the risk of CJD. When I said their fucking Health Minister was a mad cow , so how could they possibly object ..they slammed the phone on me.
Cunts
September 27th, 2007 at 2:19 pm
31
iii
September 27th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
32
Irish farmers are definitely a bunch of whinging cunts.
That said, I would like my beef to come from a reliable source. Is Brazil reliable? I don’t know.
Whatever about foot & mouth, it doesn’t effect humans, mad cow disease is an altogether different story.
September 27th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
33
I don’t give a fuck where it comes from once it tastes good. They could be using cows that were shat out of Satan’s arse and it wouldn’t bother me.
September 27th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
34
Why do they call it PMS?
Because Mad Cow Disease was taken.
September 27th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
35
When you educate people to be stupid, they’ll eat anything.
September 27th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
36
A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease. “Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?”
“Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?”
“Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what’s the relationship between this and Mad Cow?”
“And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?”
“Mr. Brown, that’s interesting, but, what’s the point?”
“Lady, the point is this: if I’m playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn’t you go mad, too?”
September 27th, 2007 at 3:40 pm
37
It’s a shame the Braemore Rooms have closed down, Peadar.
September 27th, 2007 at 3:49 pm
38
Tis true what they say then about whingeing Dubs. The Irish Farmers are correct Twenty, so get back to your book and shut the fuck up!
September 27th, 2007 at 3:55 pm
39
Is Peadar actually Hal Roach?
September 27th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
40
Carefull someone does’nt write COCK PISS TWENTY on your car! Or drop a cow on yoour head!
September 27th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
41
Farmers have sheds full of 20 foot tall chickens
September 27th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
42
they run over badgers in their tractors and feed beef burgers to swans, the shit shovelling rodents.
September 27th, 2007 at 5:01 pm
43
and they would talk the hind legs off a donkey except their donkeys are born without hind legs because of the shit they feed them
September 27th, 2007 at 5:26 pm
44
That doesn’t make sense Peadar - if the donkeys are born without himd legs then what the farmers feed them after birth has nothing to do with it. Like.
September 27th, 2007 at 5:35 pm
45
And these chickens are scared!
September 27th, 2007 at 6:02 pm
46
scared because they don’t know why they’re so big
maggot - its what they feed the mammy & daddy donkey that leads to the baby donkey been born without any hind legs. Like.
September 27th, 2007 at 6:24 pm
47
Maggot’s real Name is peter baxondale thomas!
September 27th, 2007 at 6:39 pm
48
you’re not a ghast you’re a could you pass us the mustard?
September 27th, 2007 at 6:52 pm
49
I just wanted to get the fiftieth comment on this important issue.
September 27th, 2007 at 6:55 pm
50
Whoops. Dmn my slow typing.
September 27th, 2007 at 6:56 pm
51
That makes more sense Peadar. We don’t want to confuse the Kerry men, do we ?
I hate badgers - they have life easy, no wonder farmers are angry - they cannot sell them to GAA men to fight dogs. Like.
Where do you stand on the whole Twenty brushing of teeth/moisturisers/male grooming products issue ? I reckon he’s a Brylcreem boy myself.
September 27th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
52
Hard to know, he’s full of contradictions.
One day he sounds like a bit of a nancy boy,
the next he’ll eat steak out of satan’s arse.
I hate the smell of brylcreem
September 27th, 2007 at 7:06 pm
53
I fail to see why my personal grooming should come under such scrutiny.
September 27th, 2007 at 7:28 pm
54
Hang the meat for 2 weeks more like. The Army have been getting Argie beef for years. And it’s wank.
September 27th, 2007 at 7:36 pm
55
You get free meat in the army?
September 27th, 2007 at 7:40 pm
56
Twenty! talk about something you know about!
September 27th, 2007 at 8:01 pm
57
I fail to see why my personal grooming should come under such scrutiny.
you are a role model - sophisticated enough to spell Valpolicella ffs!
September 27th, 2007 at 8:05 pm
58
I don’t want to get a reputation as a trend setter though.
September 27th, 2007 at 8:11 pm
59
Twenty! talk about something you know about!
Here, if I only ever talked about stuff I knew about this would be a far less interesting and, in fact, closed down years ago place.
September 27th, 2007 at 8:12 pm
60
Nah - you are unique. Some day if there is a mysterious cosmic accdent and epsilo-gammic green rays sweep across Kerry there may be another man of style, wit and panache emerge from that primordial slime gene pool, but until then the rest of us can only watch in wonder.
September 27th, 2007 at 8:15 pm
61
OK, but I still think the bullshit you know is easier to defend,if questioned you can always delve back into the bowels of knowledge from where it came.
September 27th, 2007 at 8:31 pm
62
In fairness, you DO know plenty about the taste of meat. Don’t ya?
September 27th, 2007 at 8:42 pm
63
Forget your beef, Iv’e just eaten six chicken balls and they were great, my great granrdson cooked them for me. I never knew untill tonight that chickens had balls, first time on line also, fuck the meals on wheels!
September 27th, 2007 at 9:03 pm
64
OK, but I still think the bullshit you know is easier to defend,if questioned you can always delve back into the bowels of knowledge from where it came.
That’s what’s great about blogging. Everyone’s an expert at everything.
FMC - har, har.
September 27th, 2007 at 9:36 pm
65
Import all meat riddled with diseases and may you all carnivores consume at will;)
http://www.themeatrix.com
September 27th, 2007 at 10:34 pm
66
Irish beef is to meat what Osama is to Opera
September 27th, 2007 at 10:40 pm
67
What the hell have the Irish Football Assocation got to do wth this….?
IFA….
September 28th, 2007 at 1:25 am
68
For great-tasting Irish beef, pork lamb and chicken, buy from an online butcher: http://www.sulmeat.com
Next day delivery, fresh not frozen, anywhere in Ireland.
September 28th, 2007 at 8:31 am
69
The trouble is that pretty much everybody that has posted is tight to an extent
- Farmers are whingey cunts (If there was a Whingey Cunt Olympics, we would have medal winners every time)
- They had to be dragged into compliance with food regulations. But they now comply
- A lot of imported meat is full of all sorts of scary shit. Other country exporters will certify that the beef is from virgin heifers that nobody filled full of antibiotics, steroids or semen. Our meat was the same when we exported to the EU Beef Mountain
- If we take the time to hang our beef for long enough it will be tender and tasty
- If those poncy chef cunts will cook the steak simply and not come out with show off shite it will taste like meat and not a hookers crotch (dont ask)
Now shut the fuck up
September 28th, 2007 at 8:40 am
70
I meant to say “right to an extent” but judging by the tone of some of the posts “tight to an extent” could be right as well
September 28th, 2007 at 8:42 am
71
i once saw a mayo farmer wearing a sheeps head aand cows udders on his chest leading a bunch of naked women roped together by the neck into barn, when i asked what he was about he stated he was “butchering cows” why do farmers dress so odd?
September 28th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
72
Yeah twenty, If you like your steak peppered with angel dust that is (a la mode de la brazilian)…
September 29th, 2007 at 11:56 pm
73