Cure thyself from illness
“Well, it’s good to know Dave is going to be all right”, said Stinking Pete. “I’d miss the fucker if he was to die, you know. We share a special bond, he and I.”
“Having serious hygeine problems is not exactly a special bond.”
“You know what I was thinking?”
“No. Probably something really dense like what would happen if you crossed a Condor and a killer whale. You’d call it a ‘Corca’ or an ‘Ordor’ and invent some strange use for it.”
“Ooooh, that is worth thinking about. Since the return of the condor to Irish skies I have been curious about them. But it wasn’t that. I was thinking that the next time one of us gets sick we simply need to travel by Dublin Bus to get better.”
“Dublin Bus? How the fuck does that work?”
“Well, remember a couple of years back a Dublin Bus crashed on the quays and crushed about five people to death?”
“Yes, I do remember. ”
“Ok then. Yesterday another Dublin Bus crashed, this time in Crumlin, and three people were merely injured.”
“Right.”
“Well, what I’m thinking is that next time a Dublin Bus bus crashes the improvement will continue and somebody will, instead of being injured and killed, be cured of some disease or ailment that has been causing them illness and suffering and the vomiting and such like.”
“It’s an interesting theory. How would you know which bus it was going to be though? With all the Dublin buses going around to the far reaches of the city the chances of you being on the right route at the right time are fairly slim, wouldn’t you think?”
“It’s going be the 39 on the Navan Road somewhere around the end of November 29th during evening rush hour. Mark my words.”
“How do you know?”
“It’s a feeling I have and like Irene Cara said ‘What a feeling’.”
“Who am I to argue with Irene Cara?”
“You know it, Twenty. You know it.”
September 20th, 2007 at 8:56 am
Kind of like the feeling I have that, today Jose Mourinho resigns/gets sacked, next week they’ll start losing games (again) and keep losing them, and at the end of the year they’ll get relegated. Spread the love!
September 20th, 2007 at 9:20 am
Your friends are idiots, Twenty. Get some new ones.
September 20th, 2007 at 9:26 am
New idiots?
September 20th, 2007 at 9:31 am
Damn, was hoping it’ll be the Nightlink at the end of December first. That lot needs a lot of curing.
September 20th, 2007 at 9:32 am
Yeah.
Shut up
September 20th, 2007 at 9:39 am
Just change the pub and the friends will soon forget about you. When your rich and Famous after the launch of your book you will have lots of high class ass kissers wanting to be your friend.
September 20th, 2007 at 9:41 am
bring back the feckin pirates
September 20th, 2007 at 10:16 am
Yaaaaarrrgggghhhhhhhhhhh!
September 20th, 2007 at 10:18 am
When the money comes in Twenty and you meet a nicer class of people what about starting up your own wine bar? Classy joint – real wood tables, no draft buckfast or South African sherry to be seen.
September 20th, 2007 at 10:24 am
Oh Maggot…just brought back happy memories of Sporran Land, buyin Draft South African Sherry in lemonade bottles and mixing with Special Brew. Evening puking tar…good times…
On the point..Good quality Idiots are hard to come by…you want genuine idiocy not mere buffoonery. An idiot in the Bar is worth…yada yada yada…..
September 20th, 2007 at 10:24 am
Only Liebfraumilch and Valpolicella. Classy wine for classy people.
September 20th, 2007 at 10:30 am
draft buckfast? Is that available?
September 20th, 2007 at 10:32 am
You’ll need a classy bouncer at the door Twenty – keep the riff raff away. Is FatMammyCat looking for a job at the moment?
September 20th, 2007 at 10:58 am
Are you going to have little bowls of poncey snacks on the bar for your patrons…peanuts, pretzels and of course tampons for Dave
September 20th, 2007 at 11:12 am
Peadar – they served by the glass a few years ago in one of Belfasts more classy establishments.
September 20th, 2007 at 11:24 am
Tampons by the glass sheepworrier ?
September 20th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
Puerile…NEVER touch those dishes of nibbles on the bar..have you seen how quickly some people enter/exit the bathrooms in a bar?..
September 20th, 2007 at 12:19 pm
Urine marinated peanuts are the boozehounds snack of choice.
September 20th, 2007 at 3:39 pm
You know it would have been great if you could have podcast the tampon incident. Your descriptions of Dirty Dave and Perky Pete always remind me of the characters off Shameless.
September 20th, 2007 at 8:00 pm
Wow!! 20 comments, and not a whiff of racism yet. -Must be a first!!
September 20th, 2007 at 8:37 pm
Surely Navan road has racist overtones?