Testicle punching is the way forward
Did you see the story yesterday about the Manchester United manager, Alex/Alec Ferguson, being punched in the testicles by a ‘fighting drunk’ at a train station?
If we leave aside the more unsavoury aspect of the story where this drunk bloke then headbutted and racially abused a Policeman, ironically named Peace, then it really is quite hilarious. One of the great Simpsons moments came when Homer had to judge a film contest. Poor old Barney, pathetic old drunk that he was, made a moving short about his battle with the demon booze. Yet Homer could not decide between that film and one entitled ‘Man being hit with a football in the groin’, which featured a man getting hit with a football in the groin.
When it doesn’t happen to you personally, seeing someone else being hit in the groin is achingly funny. It is because you feel the pain so acutely, you empathise and then you laugh because it’s happening to someone else.
By all accounts bystanders were falling around the place like the studio audience during a filming of The Lyrics Board when one of the guests or presenters makes a joke. And who can say that Ferguson didn’t deserve it? Anyone who has witnessed him chewing that wad of gum on the sidelines while pointing at his watch and shouting at the ref, blasting spittle over anyone in a 10 foot radius, must surely understand the drunk’s motivation.
Perhaps this will teach the United manager to not speak with his mouth full. I remember Dirty Dave giving out to some young lads, they were about 4 or 5, who were throwing things at his house. He went out to give them a good telling off and one of them landed a punch square in Dave’s nuts. God, it was hilarious. Especially when Dave kicked the crap out of the young lad and he had to spend 6 months in a back brace in Our Lady’s in Crumlin.
So, as you can see nothing bad can come from punching someone in the testicles. If somebody irks you today, don’t send an email to a colleague giving out about them, simply deliver a right hook to their gonads.
Sorry if you feel left out ladies but I’m not sure a dig in the quim does the same job.
September 13th, 2007 at 10:05 am
The alleged perp, of no fixed abode, has the same name as the guy who made King Arthur and Waterworld. Hollywood is so unforgiving.
September 13th, 2007 at 10:42 am
“A dig at the quim” – my, my 20, do you really need a spade for your mrs?
September 13th, 2007 at 10:55 am
Yeah, but can you pull a muscle in yours while removing a tightly laced runner? Don’t answer that.
September 13th, 2007 at 10:58 am
ya have a link for that twenty
September 13th, 2007 at 11:05 am
For me, this fantastic and long overdue incident makes a total mockery of all the hand-wringing cunts who say that society has a drink problem.
If this man, this hero, had not been all pissed up, then Alex Ferguson would not have received a punch in the bollocks – try and pick a hole in that, all you GPs, counsellors, health workers etc who tell us not to drink so much.
September 13th, 2007 at 11:06 am
Yeah, but can you pull a muscle in yours while removing a tightly laced runner? Don’t answer that.
I don’t even know how.
September 13th, 2007 at 11:40 am
Unfortunately the “perp” supports the oft held misconception/racial stereotyping that all us Scots are violent drunks.
That is simply not true we can be violent and drunk totally indepenent of one another. Off to drink a bottle of buckfast, gibber unintelligably at passers by demanding 10c for a cup of tea, deep fry some confectionary and then I will do you all a service and punch Stan in the nuts repeatedly
September 13th, 2007 at 11:46 am
I now have a satisfying vision of Ferguson at the side of the pitch slopping gum, pointing accusingly and yelling at the players in a high-pitched Smurf voice.
September 13th, 2007 at 12:01 pm
I love it when the fan hits the shit. (c’mon, someone had to do it).
I witnessed a friend being kicked in the bollocks by a drunk tramp a few years ago, for refusing to give him a cigarette. It was, and still remains, one of the funniest things I have ever seen. We actually thought he’d burst a testicle like a water balloon.
Just because Sir Alex is famous does not make it any less amusing. In fact, if probably makes it more so.
September 13th, 2007 at 12:04 pm
“Yeah, but can you pull a muscle in yours while removing a tightly laced runner? Don’t answer that.
”
You talented slag.
September 13th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
This gum chewing and spitting – yanks chew tobacco, Christ the spitting at baseball matches is awesome – they’d be a lot happier if they only went back to the ciggies – no wonder so many of the cunts fall over from heart attacks – the stress could so easily be alleviated by a long cool drag on a lovely king-size Richmond Menthol.
September 13th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
sometimes the merest of flicks can be more crippling than a good right foot in the goolies.
September 13th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
*Bows*
September 13th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Erm, FMC, there’s what appears to be a shoelace ‘hanging out’ if you get me.
Unless you’ve got the painters in then it’s probably something completely different.
September 13th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
yes sheep worrier a flick is better i did to a mate on the weekend ,he went green ,good iam glad your man did sir Alex , he is as known as a cunt
September 13th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
Jonny5 you are vulgar. I kicked my older brother in the balls when he was 16 he had to wear a ball strap thingy for weeks, it was accidental and neither he nor I found it amusing at the time. He nailed the strapy thing to the bedroom wall as a trophy. It is still there!!
September 13th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
FMC – you are the funniest and most honest woman on this here interweb.
Twenty – a Dr pal informs me that the punch/kick to balls/non-balls has been objectively assessed(presumably some misguided transexual got involved in a very special before and after experiment?) and the pain to testicles is measurably worse. Of course it pales into complete insignificance beside trying to push 8 pounds through ….well you know.
September 13th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
Vulgar?
Thanks.
September 13th, 2007 at 3:43 pm
There was a case in Liverpool recently of a woman biting her ex’s testicle off in a bar. I think she handed it to him afterwards too.
Strangely enough, when you think about it, being kicked in that particular testicle afterwards wouldn’t have hurt its donor one little bit.
As for giving that redfaced old git a good big in the balls, just show me where to queue.
September 13th, 2007 at 4:42 pm
Is a tightly laced runner a drunken marathoner? And why is it that a man puts on a face and squezes his legs together when he sees another get kicked in the nuts? Just thinking about it makes me go OOOOO!
September 13th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
It’s not just for balls Lobo lobo, when ever a person sees another person get hurt, they automatically go ‘whooooooshittttt.’
Observe.
http://www.break.com/index/skater_face_plants_hard.html
September 13th, 2007 at 4:51 pm
Damn your oily hide, that made my leg twitch.
September 13th, 2007 at 4:56 pm
I hate skateboarders – that was great!
September 13th, 2007 at 5:01 pm
‘that made my leg twitch.’
Wooo hoo, five for five, in your face Major!
September 13th, 2007 at 5:10 pm
Mr Angry: “Fan hits the shit”.
Love it!
September 13th, 2007 at 6:37 pm
Hahahaha – I know it’s Twenty’s blog but the name on that link with the skateboarder is funny.
That’s all I got.
September 14th, 2007 at 3:27 am
Punching someone in the goolies would have to be one of my all time favourite things to do.
It should be an olympic sport.
September 14th, 2007 at 8:43 am
It would have to be a closed fist – not an open hand, Steph. A closed fist.