I got nuttin
Posted in Blog by Twenty Major on August 29th, 2007
Seriously, I’m all typed out. Deadline for the first draft of the book is the end of this week and I am, as Mary O’Rourke would say, working like a black. In fact, I’m working like a black stapled to a Chinese laundry worker. The day goes like this:
- Get up
- Make coffee
- Drink some coffee
- Start writing
- Drink more coffee
- Continue writing
etc
Add some ‘eat food’, ‘have a piss/shit’ and ‘flit around some blogs and perhaps leave a comment’ until it’s time for ‘Go to bed’ and that’d do it.
It does leave you rather spent, so to speak. At the moment when I’m writing I keep thinking I might have used a particular line or idea before so I have to search the document then search the blog to make sure.
Plus my fingers get all tired and my neck and back are those of a very old man, which is a coincidence because I am a very old man. Well, they do say you’re only as old as you feel, right? Notice I didn’t say ‘as old as the man you feel’?
I’m saving all my terrible gay jokes for the book.
Good man Twenty. That’ll make your whole week.
August 29th, 2007 at 12:21 am
You should try working like a Russian dissadent in a Siberian Gulag, like that guy with the massive head.
Those fuckers could churn out 2 epic treatises on the failings of the Communist system in a week.
All you’re doing is scribbling some dirty words down on a bit of foolscap.
August 29th, 2007 at 12:58 am
1
Swapsies? Eh you wanna put up with my crap all the live long day? Thought not.
I am with you and your daily struggle…
August 29th, 2007 at 2:45 am
2
this buke writing sounds like a cushy enough gig to me, drinking coffee , visits to the jacks , a bit of scribbling , feeling old , luxury.
August 29th, 2007 at 6:46 am
3
Twenty -
I just wanted to drop a note to wish you luck on your book. Your blog has given me (and others) many laughs for a long while. Keep on pounding the keys…
The podcasts are cool too.
“Snake on it” Ha! I should send that one to my Pentecostal part of the family over in Alabama - they’d flip..:)
~From America
August 29th, 2007 at 7:33 am
4
Will there be a drop of your sweat and a drop of your blood in every first edition? Tears from laughing I can add myself, thank you.
August 29th, 2007 at 9:07 am
5
you should have a smoke every now and then,
notice i didn’t say a fag
August 29th, 2007 at 9:13 am
6
Scribble on Toots, you’re nearly there.
August 29th, 2007 at 9:40 am
7
I am not a ring licker like the rest of you chunts…
Twenty is releasing a book???? Wow I wouldn’t have known apart from the marketing campaign he has been forcing down his readers throats every day. If Bertie Ahern decided to change his name into fanny flaps and change his party to the pink party team, you would find a way to include your book in the blog!
I am going to rent your book from the library so you don’t get any of the royalties you greedy chunt!
August 29th, 2007 at 9:48 am
8
I hope you get the poison book, GG Alan.
August 29th, 2007 at 10:01 am
9
Twenty why don’t you take a day or afternoon off, get out of the house, go for a swim or a walk or a stroll around a gallery. Give your mind and body a break. You’ll be fine and dandy in the morning. It might give you inspiration or just plain aul filthy idea’s.
August 29th, 2007 at 10:32 am
10
Why do the yanks put KKK hats on people that they arrest in country’s that they illegally invade?
Putting KKK hats on illegally arrested individuals who usually end up in guantanamo bay is a vile act.
just a thought
August 29th, 2007 at 10:52 am
11
Twenty, your coffee intake needs to be ratcheted up. I recommend eight double espressos a day. Get the inamorata to do the brewing while you pound the prose out.
August 29th, 2007 at 10:59 am
12
Twenty, You need to get some helper monkeys. Or maybe just replace the ones you have already…could help.
Also since when do people rent books from the library?
August 29th, 2007 at 11:23 am
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G.G. Alan said: “I am not a ring licker like the rest of you chunts…”
Kindly call a cunt a cunt. You cunt.
August 29th, 2007 at 11:36 am
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Well, you could eradicate an awful lot of nonsense by not actually getting up in the first place. Word of caution though: it was this very act that caused me to miss the Weetabix Men when they visted Superquinn in Walkinstown in 1985
August 29th, 2007 at 11:52 am
15
This book is going to be fucking shit, isn’t it?
August 29th, 2007 at 12:00 pm
16
Waster.
Jack Kerouac used to sellotape sheets of A4 together and just type continuously on benzedrine for days on end. Time to notch it up a bit my friend.
August 29th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
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Can you get me the benzedrine? Surely G Ryan’s got some in his locker.
August 29th, 2007 at 1:01 pm
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kerouac drug thing is a myth, and his writing was shite. gonzo journalism a la hunter s. thompson is definitely the way to go.
maybe stephen hawking will take pity on your decrepitude and give you a lend of his computerised wheelchair
August 29th, 2007 at 1:26 pm
19
Naw, Twenty you’ve got the writer’s daily routine all wrong. This is the way you should be doing it:
Be roused from your slumber by the tender sunbeams of rosy-fingered dawn. Put on a wide-brimmed floppy hat and a big scarf – you’re a fucking writer now, so dress like one. No breakfast as you only crave that elusive sustenance of the soul that is blessed inspiration. Wander lonely in a cloud of cigarette smoke through the hills and dales in search of your muse. Take a brief nap in a poppy field. Have a fitful dream. Rush home and grab a plume so that you can capture the essence of the sleeping vision before it drifts from your mind. Forget the second half of the dream. Smoke some opium, say goodnight to the giant cockroaches and go to bed.
August 29th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
20
Lung, I like it… Cartland meets Boroughs.
August 29th, 2007 at 1:44 pm
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Burroughs?
August 29th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
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Can’t type with these antennae in the way.
August 29th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
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Good lord, man! No mention at all of letting dear Bastardface out in the yard to do his business. Your gaff must be in a horrible state.
August 29th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
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I’d go with Lungs idea, but put more of a Coleridge slant on it.
“In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree”
Fuckin hippy.
August 29th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
25
Yes, but then someone has to be my Person from Porlock and that means someone calling to my door and I fucking hate when people call to my door.
August 29th, 2007 at 3:01 pm
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You want to be watching yourself, Twenty, this writing stuff can do you in. Joyce and Hemmingway tried to drink themselves to death, William Burroughs and Hunter Thompson addled their brains and Marcel Poust became a reclusive nutcase. And a famous scientist I know wrote a standard medical text with a lot of help from the white weasel dust. Stick to coffee and you’ll probabaly be ok…
August 29th, 2007 at 4:39 pm
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