Fuck off with your mobile phones on planes
Posted in Blog by Twenty Major on August 28th, 2007
I read yesterday that people might soon be able to use mobile phones on planes. This upsets me.
There aren’t many things that can make flying any worse than it already is but being stuck 36,000 feet in the air, waiting to die at any second, and having to listen to some cunt blabbering on his fucking phone is one of them.
“Yeah, how’re ya? Yeah? Cool. Me? Grand, yeah. Just on me way to London now. Yeah. So what’re doing? What? Can you hear me? Yeah I can hear you. Can you hear me? Right. So, what’re you doing? In work, yeah. That makes sense. Hello? Can you hear me?”
What is this fascination, this compunction, to be constantly in-touch with people? I find that most of the time when people ring me it’s shit I really don’t to hear. NTL, for example, have been phoning me at least once a month for the last 4 months asking me if I want to sign up for their telephone service and I keep telling them I don’t and to please stop calling me but they don’t stop calling. Do I need to hear from them while I’m clutching the handrest and trying to get so engrossed in my book that I stop hearing the subtle changes in the engine noise which indicate they’re about to fail any second? I certainly do not.
Nor do I need be around other people who can’t be incommunicado for longer than a 5 minute crap. The people who go to the cinema and don’t turn their phone off but put it on silent and then check for text messages every 15 minutes, the sad cunts.
I imagine if it goes through it will become the new smoking.
“Hello, I’d like to check in please.”
“That’ll be €50 on top of your flight ticket and would you prefer phoning or non-phoning?”
It would have to be though, wouldn’t it? I can’t be the only person who isn’t slightly interested in the minutae of people’s lives despite how willing most people are to share them with complete and utter strangers by having full on conversations on public transport.
Like motherfucking snakes and Al-Qaeda members, mobile phones should be kept off planes.
Way to go!!! Yes, yes, yes. Back in
the day if your home phone rang and
rang, people sccepted you were not
available. These days if you don’t
answer your mobile, people get so damn crank
cranky - you’re expected to be on
24 hr standby.
August 28th, 2007 at 12:13 am
Fuckers can ring me as often as they like bronwyn - I don’t have a mobile - they are for cunts.
August 28th, 2007 at 12:57 am
1
“I’m on a plane.”
What?
IM ON A PLANE
Yes it is a nice thought isn’t it?
August 28th, 2007 at 1:17 am
2
Just enjoy the silence when you fly under a bridge or through a tunnel….
August 28th, 2007 at 1:30 am
3
“Sorry, no, I can’t hear you… You’re breaking up.”
Imagine how annoying that will be after ears have popped.
August 28th, 2007 at 1:35 am
4
I think I filled in a blog about this at the exact same time as you. Spooky!
Good read!
August 28th, 2007 at 1:47 am
5
“Like motherfucking snakes and Al-Qaeda members, mobile phones should be kept off planes.”
and the Catholic Church. They have their own airline now. No safety routine just a quick pray and off you go….
August 28th, 2007 at 1:56 am
6
Manuel:
With the Catholic Church I’m sure you meant “prey.”
August 28th, 2007 at 3:38 am
7
There’s nothing like topical humour, and this is an excellent example.
Hey, Twenty, what’s the deal with airline peanuts? Take my wife, and boy are my arms tired, etc.
August 28th, 2007 at 9:16 am
8
Agreed, there are fuck all places left where mobiles are not allowed for whatever reason. In the cinema now, it seems quite normal to answer phonecalls mid-film. I report those cunts.
August 28th, 2007 at 9:22 am
9
That’s the worst news I’ve heard this year. Looks like I’ll have to print out more of these:
http://www.coudal.com/shhhcards.pdf
August 28th, 2007 at 9:24 am
10
Haha, excellent cards.
August 28th, 2007 at 9:44 am
11
Yeah fkn mob phones everywhere and it isn’t even as if the fukkers can talk quietly on ‘em shouting at the top of their voice - there’s no peaceful places left. An what makes me laugh is the cunts who have a lump of metal transplanted on their ears ! Must be like trying to sleep wiv a brick for a pillow.
August 28th, 2007 at 10:18 am
12
I’d like to be around when the first idiot pulls out a mobile phone in the seat beside you.
August 28th, 2007 at 10:27 am
13
Groucho, its fucking not fkn and mobile not mob.
Fucking text speak. I fucking hate it
August 28th, 2007 at 10:46 am
14
Easily solved. Just build a half-arsed mini bomb out of some smelly explosive, disguise it as a mobile phone and drop it nonchalantly near the sniffer dogs at your local airport. The next day, mobile phones will be banned on planes all over the world. Fortunately, in the war on terrism, panic and stupidity are still the two things you can absolutely count on.
August 28th, 2007 at 11:06 am
15
Phone slapping would be the answer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbQ8WVSR-I4&mode=related&search=
Too bad you can’t run that far in a plane…
August 28th, 2007 at 11:26 am
16
It’s already fucking annoying enough when you’ve just pulled in an all the knackers have stopped clapping, that they all switch on their phones at the same time and you get a brrage of stupid text noises.
August 28th, 2007 at 1:07 pm
17
Ha, liked that.
“What are you doing?!”
STAMP!
“Shriek! Stop, what are you doing?!!”
Well, here’s another clue: STAMP! Figured it out yet?
August 28th, 2007 at 2:34 pm
18
The Heathrow Express (Heathrow-Paddington -the most expensive 20 miute train journey in the world) already has phone and non-phone carriages.
August 28th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
19
They must have been testing that mobile phone system on Flight 93. You know, the one where the passengers phoned home when they were hijacked. You know: the one that was definitely, absolutely not shot down by the Air Force? Oh yeah. That one!
August 28th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
20
Personally, I think we should all carry battery operated signal jammers. This is pet hate number one, as identified by Twenty.
My second is people who have walkman on so loud you feel physically nauseous being within 10 metres of them. CUNTS.
My third pet hate is moron’s who say ATM - Machine, PIN - Number, 8 am - in the morning. They should be all locked up and shot to death with balls of their own shit. God gave us acronyms for a reason. You don’t say ‘I am going going to the Automated Teller Machine, machine’ do you?!
Fouth, there is no H on the end of this word: Height.
August 28th, 2007 at 5:01 pm
21
But if you say Pi number, everybody knows your PIN.
August 28th, 2007 at 9:18 pm
22
What bugs me, Jonesy, is people who throw in apostrophes where they don’t belong. Morons.
August 28th, 2007 at 11:18 pm
23
Yes, Twenty! A no-phone zone! But then how are they going to talk to their life-coach about their fear of flying terrorists? Lynne Truss calls it the bubble effect in her second book - the notion that no one else exists outside your bubble. Text-only mode on flights - If only. Hey, doesn’t Ryanair know that’ll distract us from buying? All that sales-talk mid-air?
(P.S. Brilliant, Daniel, very quick of you!)
August 29th, 2007 at 1:44 am
24
i think we should have a campaign to stop these mobile phone wielding morons from even getting on a plane.
No wait who would bring me my 4.00eu sandwich and small beer
August 29th, 2007 at 10:24 am
25
Fuck off you fucking scum cunts!
September 2nd, 2007 at 8:35 pm
26