Who will be the next Labour leader?
Posted on | August 24, 2007 | 22 Comments
Pat Rabbitte has stepped down as leader of the Labour Party. It’s a bit of a shame, I quite like him and have had a couple of entertaining conversations with him about what complete cunts some of his Dail colleagues are.
But Labour are now obviously looking for a new leader. They need something fresh. Something interesting. Something that will get the people back to Labour since they deserted when Dick Spring … hahahaha, it still makes me laugh … left. So who could be in the running?
Tony Fenton
Pros: According to the latest figures he’s winning back the hearts, minds and ears of the people of Ireland. He would certainly bring a bit of showbiz to the party and his Colegate smile would be oh so hard to resist.
Cons: Is a cunt
Steve Staunton
Pros: Just beat Denmark 4-0 in a meaningless friendly meaning he’s the greatest football manager of all time and that the Irish team is now completely excellent. Frugal with his money so would be conscious of building a good economic policy.
Cons: Nobody can bear to listen to him for more than three seconds without wanting to sew up their ears and gouge out their eyes just in case they start hearing through their eyes.
Ray D’Arcy
Pros: Despite his radio listenership going down like a teenage girl on leaving cert results night his sterling efforts during the Rose of Tralee debacle shambles shitfest extravaganza means he’s got instant credibility with the over 50s and vaguely retarded. Has a degree in psychology so could make mischief during Taoiseach’s question time with difficult questions.
Cons: Has an apostrophe in his name, the ponce.
Pros: Can take the party into the 21st century with blogs and all kinds of interactive text shenanigans. Has good appeal with the kids, although some still mix him up with Damien McCaul, so the youth vote could be a winner. Will encourage full disclosure of other politicians via a secret text section on the party website.
Cons: Rock the vote appearance, seems to be enthralled with this Banana Phone thing.
Dirty Dave
Pros: Has vast political knowledge having read Wikipedia and would cut down on the Dail bluster as nobody would be able to stand his smell apart from Jackie Healy Rae and Tony Gregory who both live in troughs of their own filth.
Cons: Is a stupid cunt
So those appear to be top 5 candidates at this moment in time. Feel free to contribute yours with pros and cons.
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22 Responses to “Who will be the next Labour leader?”
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August 24th, 2007 @ 12:33 am
Nominate Twenty major
pros – uses them a lot we hear – allegedly
– would be a smokers voice
cons – erm.
August 24th, 2007 @ 1:12 am
would the cons for all not just read “he’s a cunt”?
espescially that D’arcy fucker.
August 24th, 2007 @ 1:15 am
I was going to say that but you beat me to it!
Nominate Twenty because he is a cunt. He can’t possibly be worse than any of the other cunts.
And of course we all know all politicans are cunts too.
Pro – Is a cunt
Cons – Is a cunt
Win, win. Totally ambiguous! And I probably win the record too for the most times the word “cunt” or iterations there of has appeared in a comment.
Christ! I come across as a right cunt.
August 24th, 2007 @ 2:24 am
Steve Staunton would indeed be an unbearable addition to our political landscape. However, I feel we would eventually learn to accept/ignore him.
After all, Enda Kenny is the leader of Fine Gael and he has the personality of sunburnt moss. The cunt.
August 24th, 2007 @ 6:36 am
Steve Staunton is a muppet.
August 24th, 2007 @ 8:28 am
Johnny5:
Pros: I’m fucking brilliant at everything
Cons: Modesty.
August 24th, 2007 @ 9:14 am
Well has to be me as I am unemployed and single
Pro
Get a job and hang out with loads of blokes who don’t see many women.
Con
Would require some require some work and the blokes aren’t all that.
August 24th, 2007 @ 9:33 am
would like to nominate the lump of dog crap sitting on the pavement outside my house
pro
- outranks (emphasis on rank) dirty dave
- more personality than most tds
- more entertaining than twenty’s nominations
cons
- difficult to differentiate from all the other stupid shits in dail eireann
August 24th, 2007 @ 9:43 am
I think Ray D’Arcy might be boring enough..but I’ll put my cash on Dirty Dave.
August 24th, 2007 @ 9:45 am
Joe O’Reilly
Pros:
Certainly devious enough to be a top politician. Has no problem dropping friends/acquaintances in the mire when need arises. Well able to maintain a bullshit story, even when nobody believes a word of it.
Cons:
Currently in the clink. Also somewhat unpopular.
August 24th, 2007 @ 11:23 am
Fuck it.
Anne Doyle
Pros
a.well able to give a speech
b.ability to sleep with property developers
c.well in with surgeons
cons
a. sleeps till midday
b. does not own mobile phone
c. drives a Bentley hearse
August 24th, 2007 @ 11:56 am
Brian O’Driscoll
Pros:
Can deliver a lovely soundbite. Popular with the rich and well-connected. Takes keen interest in personal grooming. Good teflon potential as any sleazy skeletons likely to be dismissed as “normal lads stuff”.
Cons:
Bit of a cry baby. Posh rugger background may alienate some. Potential World Cup backlash?
August 24th, 2007 @ 1:42 pm
Friends
‘Good teflon potential as any sleazy skeletons likely to be dismissed as “normal lads stuff” ‘
Hehe very true.
August 24th, 2007 @ 4:48 pm
I would like to nominate Mick Mc Carthy.
but he is a complete cunt.
August 24th, 2007 @ 5:16 pm
Johnny Logan:
Pros:
Has “style” and “street cred” thereby gaining popularity with the young folk of today. Knows a colored person (see that trainwreck of what-ever-the-fuck-that-song-was-called), so can obviously stand up for the rights of emigrants and minorities everywhere, except that garda-reserve sikh fuck. Older people can obviously remember his glorious triumphs and in that oh-so-prestigious singing contest, that we call the Eurovision. Can belt out a few tunes when the dail is dull.
Cons:
He’s a complete and utter cuntballs, that should have been put down at birth, like an unwanted red-headed stepchild, or failing that sent to the deepest parts of Africa to be buggered by a complete tribe of gay cannibals while being boiled alive in a few litres of his own fluids.
I really hate that fuck.
August 24th, 2007 @ 6:00 pm
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring….
You’re seriously telling me that isn’t preferable to most of what comes out of politicians? :-)
August 24th, 2007 @ 8:00 pm
I could take mother fucken theresa niall quinn with one hand tied behind my back.
August 24th, 2007 @ 8:00 pm
and don’t get me started on that cunt alfie haaland.
August 24th, 2007 @ 8:25 pm
Ray D’Arcy ?
Is that the same cunt who personally hires bouncers to ‘protect’ him at a certain irish music awards show ?
cunt.
August 25th, 2007 @ 2:55 am
I agree Twenty, anyone with an apostrophe in their name is a cunt, but…
met Ray and his bird at a Toots and the Maytalls gig once, a couple of weeks after hearing some of his liberal views on the governments cannibas policy. Put 2 and 2 together and, with a bit of drink taken on both parts, Ray admitted to partaking from time to time in a bit of psychoactive stimulation.
Now i’m not denying he’s a pain in the ass, but kudos where it’s due.
I bet Pat Kenny wouldn’t admit to smelling his own farts.
August 25th, 2007 @ 11:18 am
partaking in recreational drugs dosn’t make him an acceptable human being, it dosn’t evn make him human…actually I”m convinced D’Arcy is a robot..nobody could be THAT boring and have a pulse!
August 25th, 2007 @ 11:21 am
Miriam O’Callaghan
Its hard to put a marker on it.
She’s a bit of an urban legend really. I think Rats’ mate Tommo from ‘Spin the Bottle’ was just infatuated with her.
SPIN THE BOTTLE tells the story of Rats…………………
When Rats (Michael McElhatton) is let out of prison yet again, he returns to his Mother’s house and gets off to a bad start. The money painstakingly saved to send his Aunt to Lourdes (for a miracle cure for her terminal obesity!), is stolen.
Pros: She’s used to labour
Cons: N/a.
Bertie Ahern
Current lead of the Fianna Fail party. Has a habbit of finding large swathes of bank notes including some foreign denominations in socks and brown envelopes, according to the press. Is the only sovereign state leader not to have a state residence preferring the less plush surrounds on Drumcondra. Spent a large amount on a place called Farmleigh, move in the Bert.
Pros: Is already Taoiseach and a left wing righty, a peoples man.
Cons: He has problems with his dic-tion.