Monthly Archives: August 2007
Aer Lingus pilots, what a bunch of cunts
Tell you what, I’m bored off my tits listening to and reading stories about Aer Lingus pilots going on strike. What’s their fucking problem, the Ray Ban wearing cocksmokers? Just shut the fuck up and fly the plane. Nobody wants … Continue reading
Off with them
Hah, check this out: Prisoners in Mountjoy are reportedly stockpiling weapons in preparation for a major riot if new security measures are introduced at the jail. Reports this morning say many prisoners have already been released or transferred to other … Continue reading
My hole
Ireland heating up twice as fast as rest of the world Seriously, is there another Ireland we don’t know about or something?
I got nuttin
Seriously, I’m all typed out. Deadline for the first draft of the book is the end of this week and I am, as Mary O’Rourke would say, working like a black. In fact, I’m working like a black stapled to … Continue reading
Fuck off with your mobile phones on planes
I read yesterday that people might soon be able to use mobile phones on planes. This upsets me. There aren’t many things that can make flying any worse than it already is but being stuck 36,000 feet in the air, … Continue reading
An open letter to my hangover
Dear hangover, while I understand your position in the grand scheme of things I feel I must take this opportunity to let you know how I really feel about you. You have been a part of my life for as … Continue reading
I never knew
A report in today’s Sunday Independent about Irish artists being played on the radio says: Critics believe that lack of airplay is the reason why albums by Dolores O’Riordan and Andrea Corr bombed. Ahh, and here’s me thinking it was … Continue reading
The disorder of the Phoenix
I’m Richard Delevan. I’m Richard Delevan. No, I’m Richard Delevan. It’s sort of like Spartacus but without the intense homo-eroticism. Ok, with the homo-eroticism but without the loin cloths. They seem to think it was Tricky Dicky that wrote this. … Continue reading
Who will be the next Labour leader?
Pat Rabbitte has stepped down as leader of the Labour Party. It’s a bit of a shame, I quite like him and have had a couple of entertaining conversations with him about what complete cunts some of his Dail colleagues … Continue reading
Pat Rabbitte has stepped down as leader of the Labour Party. It’s a bit of a shame, I quite like him and have had a couple of entertaining conversations with him about what complete cunts some of his Dail colleagues are.
But Labour are now obviously looking for a new leader. They need something fresh. Something interesting. Something that will get the people back to Labour since they deserted when Dick Spring … hahahaha, it still makes me laugh … left. So who could be in the running?
Tony Fenton
Pros: According to the latest figures he’s winning back the hearts, minds and ears of the people of Ireland. He would certainly bring a bit of showbiz to the party and his Colegate smile would be oh so hard to resist.
Cons: Is a cunt
Steve Staunton
Pros: Just beat Denmark 4-0 in a meaningless friendly meaning he’s the greatest football manager of all time and that the Irish team is now completely excellent. Frugal with his money so would be conscious of building a good economic policy.
Cons: Nobody can bear to listen to him for more than three seconds without wanting to sew up their ears and gouge out their eyes just in case they start hearing through their eyes.
Ray D’Arcy
Pros: Despite his radio listenership going down like a teenage girl on leaving cert results night his sterling efforts during the Rose of Tralee debacle shambles shitfest extravaganza means he’s got instant credibility with the over 50s and vaguely retarded. Has a degree in psychology so could make mischief during Taoiseach’s question time with difficult questions.
Cons: Has an apostrophe in his name, the ponce.
Pros: Can take the party into the 21st century with blogs and all kinds of interactive text shenanigans. Has good appeal with the kids, although some still mix him up with Damien McCaul, so the youth vote could be a winner. Will encourage full disclosure of other politicians via a secret text section on the party website.
Cons: Rock the vote appearance, seems to be enthralled with this Banana Phone thing.
Dirty Dave
Pros: Has vast political knowledge having read Wikipedia and would cut down on the Dail bluster as nobody would be able to stand his smell apart from Jackie Healy Rae and Tony Gregory who both live in troughs of their own filth.
Cons: Is a stupid cunt
So those appear to be top 5 candidates at this moment in time. Feel free to contribute yours with pros and cons.