Superhero
Posted in Blog by Twenty Major on July 30th, 2007
Dirty Dave has always wanted to be a superhero. He likes their powers and the way they protect the small guys from the baddies (but only after a few of the small guys are killed along the way).
The other week he said he had a series of epic dreams about being a superhero after taking some over the counter sleeping pills he brought back from Spain. Dormamucho, or something, they´re called.
Was he a flying superhero like Superman? No.
Was he was super strong bloke like the Hulk? No.
Was he a guy who made his own gadgets like Batman? No.
He was like Iceman. You know the one, he shoots a jet of ice ahead of him and uses its awesome slippyness to power himself along. Except Dave was Pooman.
He propelled himself along on a jet of his own poo and went around town helping people out of difficult situations. While he found the person he had saved to generally be very grateful to him he said many people along the journey weren´t pleased as they were covered with his hot, liquid faeces.
That didn´t stop him though. Pooman was not to be put off by such trivialities as people, streets, buildings and cars covered with sticky brown plop.
Naturally, as a superhero he had to have an arch-nemesis and this was Immodium Man who dried up the flow from Dave´s arse whenever he was near him.
The titanic battle between them has yet to take place as he´s run out of the sleeping tablets.
Immodium Man must have a weakness though. I suspect it could be eating gone off prawns on top of a stomach full of Guinness.
My superhero power, I have decided after long years of observation, is the ability to shit through my mouth.
July 30th, 2007 at 5:46 am
Fuck me but thats one disturbin image.
really put me off me CocoPops
July 30th, 2007 at 7:50 am
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I ‘m not sure about superhero’s but rignt now there is a battle going on inside me between Immodium and last nights dinner.
I knew before eating it that I shouldnt as previous dinners in the same restaurant have had the same result but it tastes good going down, Raw meat with crack weath and spicy oil on top. About an hour later I knew I had made a mistake. Sleepless night in case a break was made out my arse and now im in work clenching and praying that immodium wins or at least there is a clear path to the toilet.
July 30th, 2007 at 8:08 am
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Speaking of shit how is the bewk comming on?
July 30th, 2007 at 8:09 am
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After the Glenroe debacle, I got a job with the Irish Heraldry Authority where I was fortunate enough to work with that brilliant researcher Nick Van Eede. He had been out on an archaeological dig in Leixlip where they had learned a lot about the old Gaelic kingship that had preceded the Vikings there, the Uí Naoghaire clan. Nick’s group had found some remarkably well-preserved fabrics and tapestries, and he thought he’d be able to answer a lot of questions about the heraldry of Gaelic Leinster as a result; he was very excited, and his enthusiasm for his topic and his discovery was contagious. Every morning I’d come in to the Authority office and Nick would be sleep-deprived and red-eyed but so passionate about his latest find that you couldn’t help but get caught up in it. So, when he started trying to recreate the heraldic symbols of the old Gaelic kingships, using the appropriate dyes and fabrics for the time, I was happy to join in, and soon I was spending as much time at work as he was. Then more.
One night just before midnight I had been working late, alone, when I reached a breakthrough: I found the right blend of indigo and vermillion and laid the precise heraldic pattern on a piece of finest contemporary linen. Just then, Nick came in.
“Nick,” I called out. “Nick … I just dyed Uí Naoghaire arms tonight.”
July 30th, 2007 at 8:28 am
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Ha! ben.
Has Pooman got a love interest? Cleaningwoman say, with the power to get whites really really white at 40 degrees. Or just a non-super laundry-lady for suds’n’sympathy?
July 30th, 2007 at 10:16 am
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I’m the scatman, much like Dirty Dave then…
July 30th, 2007 at 10:24 am
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I have a super power. I can make snot come out of my eyes.
The other lions are jealous.
July 30th, 2007 at 11:51 am
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As a man currently suffering the skids myself, could you put me in touch with Immodium Man, please?
July 30th, 2007 at 1:31 pm
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If he falls between two stools is that considered a hard day in the orrifice?
Or if he was a bit schitzo would that imply the many faeces of Poo Man?
Does he keep a diarrhoea or a log book of his movements?
I could go on but I won’t.
July 30th, 2007 at 1:51 pm
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I can fart through my ears.
July 30th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
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Man alive, i love those clean shits where you only need to use one bit of toilet roll, and that’s only to be sure to be sure…
July 30th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
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This, Super-hero,(Immodium Man), does he do the Bisto with dogs or just humanity and the planet?
July 30th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
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So Twenty, I take it you have the scatters, and while you desperately wish for the appearance of immodium, all you have is dormamucho???
July 30th, 2007 at 2:48 pm
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Yeah using just one piece is class. Someone needs to write a book, “The One Piece Diet: Optimal Nutrition for Minimal Wiping.”
July 30th, 2007 at 3:56 pm
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Charpter 3, page 15, of Red Waters’ self-help book, The art of the Squat: Managing Cheek Tension, Red outlines the step by step process, diagrams included. Chapter 12, Best details everything you can buy with money saved from wasted paper.
July 30th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
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Freaky, I wouldn’t like to make an enema of him.
Is bery looos, your bow-els, no? In espain is cork trees. Cork is bery good stopper in the ho-el. You have a friend will put estopper in for you? Cava cork is best, no? Donde es il lavabo?
July 30th, 2007 at 5:58 pm
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Universe Man has a watch with a hour hand, a milennium hand and an aeon hand…
(C) They Might Be Giants
July 30th, 2007 at 9:55 pm
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little known facts about poo-man
- favourite band: butthole surfers
- favourite sports gear: pooma
- favourite dog: shihtsu
- favourite dice game: craps
- favourite movie: encounters of the turd kind
immodium man’s public identity is vladimir poo-tin, evil genius well known for putting the shits up his enemies.
July 30th, 2007 at 11:49 pm
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Poo? POO? Can’t you say shite like a normal man?
July 31st, 2007 at 10:38 am
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Mayday, Mayday. No post by Twenty.
July 31st, 2007 at 1:35 pm
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On July 31st, 2007 at 10:38 am The Swearing Lady said:
Poo? POO? Can’t you say shite like a normal man?
Finally. Thank you. I am not alone. Let us outlaw this stupid word. Also “wee”. And “tummy”.
July 31st, 2007 at 1:44 pm
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No post today? Must be that you’re sitting on the pot with the shits yourself and can’t get off long enough to get to the computer. Don’t worry, by the end of August you might be empty. It’s to bad that you keep your identity a secret otherwise imodium nman could get to you and plug you up.
July 31st, 2007 at 3:31 pm
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I think twenty must have fallen in! Shame i heard the was a good book in pipeline! Or Maybe he is off doing reseach!
July 31st, 2007 at 4:01 pm
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I’ve often wondered about combining motilium and immodium? Would it be like the M50 during rush hour!? A virtual traffic jam!? ;)
July 31st, 2007 at 4:47 pm
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Friends like this & Swearing lady - maybe you would prefer ‘wiss’ & ‘plops’?
August 1st, 2007 at 12:57 pm
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