Ideariffic
Posted in Blog by Twenty Major on July 27th, 2007
TV company, New York City. Two men in sharp suits and even sharper haircuts sit, head in hands, at a glossy table.
Exec 1 - “Look. We have to come up with something. They said since Maximilian arm-rotored that woman to death through her holy bible on Robot Wife Swap we’re on our last fucking legs. It’s got to be good.”
Exec 2 - “What’s hot at the moment? What’s now? What’s happening? What’s going on? Where’s the scene? What has the je ne said quoi?”
Exec 1 - “Lindsay Lohan’s flaps?”
Exec 2 - “No blogging. I know this guy and he knows another kid whose cousin has a blog of their own. Do you know how fucking hard these people are to track down?”
Exec 1 - “They really exist then.”
Exec 2 - “Yeah. And they have these things called ‘memes’.”
Exec 1 - “Maims? Like they maim each other.”
Exec 2 - “Nah. Em-ee-em-ee-ess. What it is right, is this thing where someone says, uhm, ‘Answer these 5 questions for no reason whatsoever and then get 5 more people to answer them or you grow a tail’ or something and they all do.”
Exec 1 - “So what are you thinking? We get some of these freaks in a circus ring and maim them?”
Exec 2 - “No. Jesus. We steal their ideas. I saw one the other day - ‘8 things you don’t know about me’, right. So what we do is get happily married couples onto a desert island. We get them boozed up and then make them write down 8 things the one doesn’t know about the other. Then when they’re sober we read them back and we make some kind of points system and then whichever one loses has to do some kind of forfeit task like fucking a giant turtle or something. It’s like ‘Mr and Mrs’ for the next generation.”
Exec 1 - “Damn, that’s pretty good.”
Exec 2 - “And what’s better is none of it is copyrighted. They give out these ideas for free all the time, we’ll snap them up, make ‘The Meme Show’ and soon the world will be Meme crazy, man. They’ll become so big there will be only one noun in the English language and it will be ‘meme’.”
Exec 1 - “Oh no, I left my meme up my meme’s meme. Hahaha. God, I love when we get great ideas. But won’t the people who blog cotton on?”
Exec 2 - “No, they’re just happy that someone is taking them semi-seriously.”
Exec 1 - “I love that what we do makes a difference. I really do.”
———————–
Editor’s note: The sole concept and execution of ‘The Meme Show’ or any show even vaguely similar to it is ©Longifornia Ltd (Trading as ‘Twenty Major TV’ ) and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written consent of Twenty Major - and even then you might get a kick in the hole.
Aye, you’d wanna watch those meedja suits when they come aknockin.
The best defence is to call up other execs and have them head off one another. Works a treat. just ask Michael Barrymore.
July 27th, 2007 at 12:09 am
I’ll be tuning in. Hopefully it’ll be scheduled after Bill Hicks’ ‘Let’s Hunt and Kill Billy Ray Cyrus’. That would definitely keep me in of a wet evening.
July 27th, 2007 at 2:29 am
1
Well as the old song goes:
“You coax the blues right out of the horn, Meme,
You charm the husk right off of the corn, Meme,
You’ve got that banjoes strummin’
And plunkin’ out a tune to beat the band,
The whole plantation’s hummin’
Since you brought Dixie back to Dixie land.
You make the cotton easy to pick, Meme,
You give my old mint julep a kick, Meme
Etc, etc, etc….”
July 27th, 2007 at 2:33 am
2
Still prefer ‘The Maim Show’ idea.
July 27th, 2007 at 8:32 am
3
I’m with LTY on this.
Get a load if cunts to maim each other.
Ok, so I’m not the creative type but I’d still watch it.
July 27th, 2007 at 8:46 am
4
I got my stuff lifted by the Drogheda Info. Does that count?
July 27th, 2007 at 8:47 am
5
20, great idea, you can have it if you want to split the profits.
Show live football and porn
July 27th, 2007 at 9:12 am
6
Eight things you don’t know about me are that
1) When I notice someone has spotted me picking my nose at a traffic light I always pretend to start eating a snot.
2) I know someone who has an entire room full of knives and guns, including machine guns. I REALLY DO.
3) I can never have children because of this terrible medical condition I have. It’s called ‘I fucking hate children’-itis.
4) My cat, who loves licking things, who can’t stop licking things in fact, once started licking my balls in bed. I report this fact without even a semblance of shame.
5) I know the capital of every African country. The capital of Mauritania is Nouakchott. So there.
6) I once won a pub quiz in a lesbian bar.
7) I’d quite like to own a pet camel.
8) I sometimes take a little wee-wee in the swimming pool.
July 27th, 2007 at 10:31 am
7
For the record I’d like to point out that I fucking hate those smiley face things, and that the one that’s just shown up in the comment I posted was meant to be a number 8 and a close bracket. You’ll pay for this, Wordpress!
July 27th, 2007 at 10:33 am
8
Id be happy if someone just took me ………..
July 27th, 2007 at 10:58 am
9
you have an editor?
July 27th, 2007 at 11:28 am
10
Great idea Sid. Would that be at the same time?
on a split screen perhaps. deadly buzz
July 27th, 2007 at 11:42 am
11
Maybe someone should start a channel for footballers having sex. On the pitch. They get a woman of their choice when they score a goal, but have to have sex with each other when they commit a foul. Or if they play for the Manure or Chavski.
July 27th, 2007 at 11:59 am
12
so basically georgiasam, you want to watch bummers doing bummer things to eachothers bums?
im upset.
July 27th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
13
Hey Dale, right man, one channel for each eye
July 27th, 2007 at 12:38 pm
14
Man U and Chelsea would be forced to watch that bit. The rest of us would be exempt.
July 27th, 2007 at 2:30 pm
15
I meant Man U and Chelsea fans. Duh.
July 27th, 2007 at 2:44 pm
16
georgiasam - you are a very naughty boy girl
July 27th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
17
Don’t I know it (taps electronic tag on ankle proudly).
July 27th, 2007 at 3:06 pm
18
Speaking of bad boys, who are the worst criminals anyone in here has known? I knew a reformed IRA bomber and once met someone who robbed a bank before escaping on a bicycle, yes a bicycle. I also once failed to get a job which went to someone later outer as a downloader of kiddy prawn. Hey about that — they looked at me at though, mm, he’s all right but let’s take the kiddy prawn downloader instead.
July 27th, 2007 at 3:14 pm
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http://thumbsnap.com/v/AF2nJ18g.jpg
July 27th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
20
i know patrick kielty.
do crimes against comedy count?
July 27th, 2007 at 3:37 pm
21
Patrick Kielty used to have some arsewipe chatshow, didn’t he, on which he’d always tell the audience to ‘Big it up for’ whatever geebag boyband he’d bribed to come on the show. The only thing people should be bigging up for Patrick Kielty is an extensible truncheon to wallop the little mingebubble over the head with.
July 27th, 2007 at 3:42 pm
22
Knew you’d get around to this eventually…
July 27th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
23
mmm, ive seen funnier things crawling outta my arse.
really shuld see the doctor about that…
July 27th, 2007 at 4:09 pm
24
What’s that joke about the man who goes to the doctor with a piece of celery sticking out his arse? Help me out here, someone.
July 27th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
25
Speaking of food I went to a stately home the other day which had a ‘French Dressing Room’ and I didn’t see one bottle of vinaigrette. What a nerve.
July 27th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
26
Maybe it’s the one where the doctor says, Hold on I’ve got some cream for that. Strawberries would probably work better than celery though, now that I think of it.
July 27th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
27
Longifornia Ltd.
Twenty Major TV.
The Broadway,
Ballinamuck,
Co Longford.
I drove through Ballinamuck this afternoon and I saw your new officess, how did you get planning permission for a ten story block down there, there’s plenty of talent for one of your productions within easy reach of your head quarters, you could set up a competition between the Granard bogballers and an equal number of strawchewers from Abbylara,you could set them challenges like, live pig peeling,against the clock, goat stretching, knitting with the wool still on the sheep, horse throwing, and tug of war, with they’r dicks fixed to the rope with hose clips and they’r hands tied behind they’r backs, (THE FORFEITS) if the Granard team lost they have to go to the local cattle mart and shag ten bullocks each, if the Abbylara team lose they have to go to Granard and shag one of the towns women, only one, (it’s a human rights thing, they have taken the rigours of the competition into consideration) (THE PRIZES) the winners get a week in Edgeworthstown, the loosers get two weeks in Edgeworthetown….
July 27th, 2007 at 5:30 pm
28
Longofornia? Is that a cross between Longford and California? I think I live there…….
July 28th, 2007 at 12:21 am
29
“Maximilian arm-rotored that woman to death”
You had to go and bring that up. I had nightmares about that movie ’til I was in my late-twenties. Damn you, Twenty! Maximilian is far worse than memes.
July 28th, 2007 at 7:29 am
30
will there be sex on this show?
July 29th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
31
I too am surprised Twenty has had planning permission for new offices in Ballinamuck.
I have visions of back-handers being paid to council officials.
It is after all a place of historical significance - I hope it doesn’t detract from the world famous ‘Pikeman’ memorial.
July 30th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
32