Who can it be now?
Posted in Blog by Twenty Major on July 26th, 2007
“Twenty”, asked Dirty Dave, “who would you have preferred to be out of the following?”
“Debbie Gibson or Tiffany?”
“Erm, Debbie Gibson?”
“Right. Everyone says that. Anyway. Nik Kershaw or Limahl?”
“Kershaw.”
“Why?”
“Who the fuck wants to be called Limahl? Plus Nik Kershaw once bought me a pint in Luton airport.”
“Good point. Robert Smith or the lad from the Blow Monkeys?”
“Hmm, lipstick, badly applied make-up and baggy jumpers or well-applied make-up and a shiny suit? Pfff, I hate baggy jumpers.”
“Interesting. Wang Chung or Living in a Box?”
“Wang Chung, because, Dave, every can have fun tonight and everyone can, with my express permission, Wang Chung tonight. Tramps and winos live in cardboard boxes. Fuck that.”
“Laura Branigan or Pat Benetar.”
“Which one wore the shiny leather?”
“Pat Benetar.”
“Laura Branigan then. Too much chaffing of the groinal area in the leather pants.”
“Karel Fialka or Stan Ridgeway?”
“Hmmm. Contending with a small boy or a ghostly marine. Karel Fialka then. At least you can leave the boy off at a borstal if he’s annoying. See ya, Matthew.”
“Ok, this one’s the big one. The true test. The big banana. The right honourable gentleman from Wynchcliffe Manor. The supersizer. The end of the line. The phone a friender. The-”
“Shut the fuck up.”
He did.
The answer? Roland Orzabal from Tears for Fears. I know. You should have seen the other option.
the bloke from the Thompson Twins…?
July 26th, 2007 at 2:36 am
“Dr” Robert Howard was yer man from the Blow Monkeys. I remember because we used to work together doing stage design on “Glenroe”. This was back before it was all about trendy priests and travellers and that, and when Mick Lally would actually go out and work the fields instead of having epileptic fits and shagging the Polish babysitter. Also, it was all filmed on location, so the sets that I worked on with Robert were actual fields, a lot of the time, and digging them up for the programme wasn’t that different from digging them in real life. It was hard mucky work. Robert was always out on the piss or throwing tantrums or arguing with his agent and was too worried about his nails to be much use when it came to spadework anyway, so most of it fell to me. One Friday I had just finished making the set of the pub look right for a comic-relief scene involving Dinny and the mad ould slapper. I was about to go home when the director came in and asked me why the potato field hadn’t been dug yet for the big dramatic scene with Biddy and Miley. Of course, Robert had had the whole week to do it, but there was no sign of him, so I had to start working. And I did. And I dug, and I dug, and I dug, into the cold grey light of morning, into the heat of the next day, choking with mud and sweat, shattered with weariness, and then Robert appeared with two coked-up prostitutes of indeterminite gender on each arm. He shouted out an enthusiastic greeting but then his face fell when he saw my expression.
“Weren’t you supposed to be working on this set all week?” I asked him coolly.
“Ehhmmm …. yes …” he meekly admitted.
“Then,” I snarled, “tell me why is it I’m digging your scene.”
July 26th, 2007 at 4:56 am
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Moving swiftly along.
What/Who could have been worse than Roland Orzabal from Tears for Fears? Not Roland Rat?
July 26th, 2007 at 8:49 am
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Must have been Bastardface because who would want to spend the rest of his life being kicked around by some cranky, drunken mick?
July 26th, 2007 at 8:53 am
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No I know - its the other fellah in TfF isn’t 20, Aha I get the prize - Cunt Smith if I’m not mistaken
July 26th, 2007 at 9:02 am
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Cunt Smith or Cunt Sniff, Sid?
July 26th, 2007 at 9:20 am
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Twenty, why would Debbie beat Tiffany? Did you see her Tiff spread out in all her glowing gingerness for her Playboy appearance?
Just curious …..
July 26th, 2007 at 9:25 am
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I suppose back in the day, Tiffany and debbie would have been the britney and christina of that generation and in similar fashion to Brit brit flashing her cooty to the press, tiffany bared all in playboy.Thus Debbie wins because she’s still only known for the singing and similarly Christina.
July 26th, 2007 at 9:44 am
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Debbie Gibson also appeared in Playboy.
July 26th, 2007 at 9:46 am
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Really…I stand corrected…there I was happily formng my theory…I guess I just don’t know playboy as well as your good self.
July 26th, 2007 at 9:54 am
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And in defence to Christina, she has happily told the world about the bangles drilled through her clit. Now there’s an image for Winter…. Suzanna Hoff mmmmmm
July 26th, 2007 at 10:05 am
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I always suspected that Fat Bob nicked his jumpers off Bill Cosby. Dodgy, very dodgy.
July 26th, 2007 at 10:18 am
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No mention of Tite Fit, Furniture or Jimmy The Hoover, I note with disappointment. I reckon the unnamed guy who lost out to Roland Orzabal was balding buffoon Mark King of Level 42 with his grotesque headless bass slung high enough to offer boundless bollock-kicking opportunities sadly untaken by TOTP audiences.
Shite as they were, TFF positively rocked the house next to those clowns
July 26th, 2007 at 11:16 am
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Did I say clowns? Sorry, I meant cunts. Letting the side down there
July 26th, 2007 at 11:17 am
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It’s got to be Joe Dolce the irritating little f*ck..”Whats the matter you eh…” and all that crap.
July 26th, 2007 at 12:00 pm
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Dale! Shaddup you face.
July 26th, 2007 at 1:02 pm
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Haysie Fantaysie v Joboxers?
July 26th, 2007 at 1:27 pm
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or, yeah I know, Andrea Corr
July 26th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
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I once licked Susannah Hoff´s right nipple for about 21 seconds.
She wasn´t best pleased, despite being very aroused.
July 26th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
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have the patience of a saint twenty. surprised the conversation didn’t go along the lines of
“Twenty”, asked Dirty Dave, “who would you have preferred to be…”
“Shut the fuck up” followed by sound of glass breaking and wet gurgling noises
July 26th, 2007 at 5:33 pm
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I know ‘Who can it be now’ - Men at Work. any prizes
July 26th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
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Daniel o’?ell
July 26th, 2007 at 8:22 pm
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Was it Gavin Friday?
July 26th, 2007 at 11:33 pm
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A Steven Seagal album? That is the only thing worse than being that anal spunk bubble. In my own humble, that is.
July 26th, 2007 at 11:46 pm
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Also…Debbie Gibson doesn’t like to be called “Debbie.” It’s Deborah, now that she’s gone all Broadway.
July 27th, 2007 at 6:01 pm
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