What will the Greens bring to government
Posted on | June 13, 2007 | 38 Comments
So the Green Party has done a deal with Fianna Fail and will form part of the new government, but what will they bring to the new administration.
- From now on any Fianna Fail member who wishes to have their house painted free of charge must use environmentally friendly, lead free paint.
- When green zone land is rezoned to allow Fianna Fail’s builder friends to lash up houses and enormous shopping centres the bribes must be presented in envelopes made from recycled paper.
- All ministerial Mercedes are to be swapped for those gay hybrid cars that run half on electricity and half on the reconstituted poo of cattle.
- In order to reduce the carbon footprint the government jet is to be scrapped and all foreign trips are to be made on Ryanair or by glider.
- Solar panels are to be installed on the top of Dail Eireann and sandals must be worn at all times in government buildings.
- Brian Cowen must wear a special device which captures his flatulence which is responsible for 47% of Ireland’s gaseous emissions.
- A referendum is to be held on Mary Harney and whether she should be allowed outside in the daytime as she blocks out the sun, the enormous beast.
- Criminals are to be put to work on US style chain gangs where they will lay new tracks for public transport systems and plant lots and lots and lots of new trees.
- State functions will now be catered for by the Green Party’s own chefs and will provide delicious alternatives such as tofu and soya based dishes as well as all kinds of organically grown vegetables.
- Children will be banned from receiving the MMR vaccine because they’ll go all autistic and stuff. Oh, no they won’t. Yes they will. No they won’t. Whatever.
Should be fun. Any more you can think of?
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38 Responses to “What will the Greens bring to government”
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June 13th, 2007 @ 10:44 am
Oi! I drive one of “those gay hybrid cars that run half on electricity and half on the reconstituted poo of cattle” and I’m here to tell you that even in stop-and-go traffic I get 51 miles to the poo.
June 13th, 2007 @ 10:48 am
[...] will the Greens bring to government Twenty Major: When green zone land is rezoned to allow Fianna Fail’s builder friends to lash up houses and [...]
June 13th, 2007 @ 10:48 am
All Green Party politicians to complete mandatory 100 laps of a monopoly board to explain how the property market works.
Once completed Green Party ministers and junior ministers will only ever be issued with monopoly money to spend.
June 13th, 2007 @ 10:51 am
Maybe they might force us all to get a silly haircut like Trevor Sargents?
I’m sure it is an environmentally friendly haircut.
June 13th, 2007 @ 10:54 am
only one car permitted per household and a new car can only be purchased every ten years.
All road building projects are to be cancelled.
Tax breaks for horse & carts
June 13th, 2007 @ 11:00 am
Growth next year will be a Muesli 2%
June 13th, 2007 @ 11:04 am
51 miles to the poo is impressive.
Anfearbui – heh
June 13th, 2007 @ 11:05 am
Tree hugging will no longer be a crime – even in The Glen of the Downs.
June 13th, 2007 @ 11:06 am
Bicycles. Loads and loads of bicycles. Fucking beautiful.
June 13th, 2007 @ 11:07 am
Harney treehugging leads to deforestation
June 13th, 2007 @ 11:09 am
All vegetarians must be housed in warehouses so that their flatulence can be ignited and converted to electricity.
June 13th, 2007 @ 11:30 am
one for FF to insist on…the Green party shal hithertofore become known as the yello party.
June 13th, 2007 @ 11:30 am
Whats happening with Dangermaus, Mr Major?
June 13th, 2007 @ 11:32 am
Not sure. You’d need to check in with Torq. You know what a pair of slow cunts they are.
June 13th, 2007 @ 11:39 am
Indeed. If he’s onto you let him I’d be interested in offering some articles or whatever should he so desire.
June 13th, 2007 @ 11:42 am
Hah! Brian Cowen’s fat and boozy, he must fart loads, haha, Mary Harney’s even fatter, ha, what a fat bitch, hahaha, the Greens are a shower of namby-pamby hippies, ahaha. Ha. You can do better. No offence like. I have really enjoyed most of your politically-oriented posts, the election forecast was absolutely fucking priceless, ditto Don’t Complain, Let’s Just Get It Over With, My Statement and Vote For Us to name but a few. This is pretty weak in comparison. Still better than 99 per cent of the garbage that passes for humour in this cultural wasteland though.
June 13th, 2007 @ 11:42 am
He might desire a naked massage from you J5, hope you’re okay with that too.
June 13th, 2007 @ 11:50 am
My sent items is full with them, fmc.
June 13th, 2007 @ 11:52 am
AlienHand, I hope a plane crashes into your entire family as they attend the funeral of the family pet.
June 13th, 2007 @ 11:53 am
Huge grants and tax breaks for folk who write organically, homegrown comics in the Irish language.
June 13th, 2007 @ 11:55 am
Mary Harney to be airlifted over the Arctic to plug the ozone layer.
June 13th, 2007 @ 12:05 pm
Twenty – have you thought of running for president ?
Ireland needs you. And you could declare Áras an Uachtaráin a smoking zone – compulsory.
June 13th, 2007 @ 12:21 pm
Gerry Adams should be sent immediately to the North Pole where he will stare at the melting glaciers and re-freeze them with his cold, sinister gaze.
June 13th, 2007 @ 12:27 pm
National Crematorium linked to the national grid. a ban on non-cardboard coffins, cemeteries being redesignated as composting centres, chipvans to run on vegetable oil and cook with diesel.
June 13th, 2007 @ 12:58 pm
Health service to be improved by the setting up of 400 new Holistic “Medical” centers.
Herbal tea and Garlic will replace expensive anti biotics
June 13th, 2007 @ 1:13 pm
Or….fitting Mata Harney with solar panels (you know the way they’re never really efficient on a house because there isn’t much space to place them) and hooking her up to the national grid…
June 13th, 2007 @ 1:42 pm
All the hot air produced in the Dail could be trapped and used to heat Dublin orphanages.
The Beef Tribunal will retroactively be renamed the Tofu Tribunal.
All hedge funding fraud committed by members of Fianna Fail is to be done with real hedges.
The Archbishop of Dublin has to share his salary with the Archdruid of Newgrange.
The Ministry of Land Management will be renamed the Ministry of the Nurturing Earth Mother Goddess.
County Offaly to be turned into one giant compost heap. (so no big changes there)
June 13th, 2007 @ 2:14 pm
Bertie to only wear make-up made out of whatever he can grow in his garden
June 13th, 2007 @ 3:05 pm
The lovely girls such as Katy French will only wear birkenstocks and hemp clothing from now on.
The toilets in the Dail will follow the “if it’s yellow let it mellow, if it’s brown, flush it down” policy.
June 13th, 2007 @ 3:08 pm
Katy French is a stupid fucking geebag. I hate this “ironic” coverage she gets which does nothing but fuel her fetid existence.
June 13th, 2007 @ 3:25 pm
I bet you’d ride her though
June 13th, 2007 @ 3:33 pm
Riding Katy/ie French to work would be very environmentally friendly. She runs entirely on hot air.
June 13th, 2007 @ 5:20 pm
Sorry, nothing to add to the policy, Twenty, but this post is EXACTLY why I visit here before http://www.rte.ie nó Lá Nua for late-breaking news of Ireland (from here in Siceagó). Gracias
June 13th, 2007 @ 5:41 pm
All the guns in the Irish ‘Army’ will be replaced by enviornmentally friendly wooden catapults.
June 13th, 2007 @ 8:54 pm
I think the Army have done that already!
All American military flights stopping in Shannon to be searched for rendition prisoners,
prisoners to be freed and housed in Limerick or Ennis.
I’d prefer a Syrian torture chamber myself
June 14th, 2007 @ 3:51 am
I ran a search on katy French
http://exoticpets.about.com/od/rabbits/ig/Rabbit-Photo-Gallery/Katy—French-Lop-Rabbit.htm
You are a sick man peadar!
June 15th, 2007 @ 10:27 am
The Greens bring Hypocrisy. Like they did’nt agree to Dick Roche signing off on the motorway. “Thanks Dick, didn’t want that to be my first act of government”,- Gormless
June 17th, 2007 @ 7:51 pm
Childbirth restricted to one child per fifty couples to bring populations to a sustainable pre-iron age level.
Selection by Google.