This whole writing books thing

I have come to the conclusion that the talking gnu character might just be a bit far-fetched. I think I’ll have to replace it with something a bit more plausible like a swimming coach that doesn’t fiddle with kids or a muslim woman doing her shopping in a mini skirt and halter top.

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32 Responses to This whole writing books thing

  1. fatmammycat says:

    You know, you were right on the button about the making sense part.

  2. Sid Trotter says:

    Twenty, you need a lovable yet roguish goat to kick start your story

  3. Twenty Major says:

    A dead goat, eh? You could be onto something.

  4. Grandad says:

    Go the whole hog and introduce Harney as a size zero.

  5. Twenty Major says:

    That’s beyond the realms of even the most fertile imaginations…

  6. Sid Trotter says:

    What – no!!

    Start him off living, get him in to some tricky situations from which he escapes, with a roguish smile and a wahey the lads type of thing

    then have him turned into a kebab at the end

  7. Daniel says:

    damn Sid, now I don’t want to buy the book because you’ve told how it ends.

  8. size ten says:

    A muslim woman in a horse’s halter, maybe?

  9. Peadar says:

    How about mondays that aren’t long and painfull.
    This day is going so slow.

    I don’t know which is the most difficult to do – try to concentrate and do some work or pretend that I’m working. I normally go with the latter but it ain’t easy

  10. Peadar says:

    I know its Tuesday but same difference

  11. Grandad says:

    Or a horse halting in a muslim woman?

  12. one man and his dog says:

    Stick with the talking Gnu, but give him a Donegal accent, I know describing the Donegal accent in the written word could be a bit of a challenge..but thats chapter one taken care of..during the course of the story you could move him about a bit, say towards the end he ends up in Longford where he becomes sophisticated and developes they’r cultured accent!

  13. Gomaith says:

    Writer’s block is it. A high stool in a quiet bar and a steady 8-9 pints of Guinness will sort that.

  14. Gomaith says:

    Writer’s block is it. A high stool in a quiet bar and a steady 8-9 pints of Guinness will sort that.

  15. Gluaistean says:

    Or, if you really want to delve into Fantasy Land – an Irish man with a good word for his successful neighbor!

  16. cantona says:

    For fuck’s sake….Bill Cullen wrote not one but TWO bukes….how hard can it be?

    Check out those websites that show you how to write a novel and get it published in 25 minutes. They’re fucking brilliant those sites. I use them all the time. I wrote 3 books last Sunday morning. I’ll sell you a blockbuster plot line for two grand…

  17. alfie says:

    By successful neighbour do you mean ENGLAND??

    Rule Britannia!

    God Save our Glorious Queen!

    There will always be an England!

  18. idlebones says:

    I think your missing the opportunity with the Gnu and the goat though. Love accross the divide, and all that. Clandestine meetings behind the hayshed, always fearing discovery by the cold, unfeeling world that just don’t understand how a Donegal Gnu could ever fall for a Duleek Goat. It’s perfetct man!

    Sure Jilly Coopers been getting away with that kind of shite for years.

  19. martin says:

    95% of derry people have had an uncle who used to pretend to steal their nose…beat that

  20. I can beat it! I can! 100% of my children have parents who have tried to steal their noses and then glue them on again upside down.

    Just say the novel is post-apocalyptic magical realism, Twenty, and the gnu won’t seem out of place at all. In fact what kind of post-apocalyptic magical realism novel wouldn’t have a strong central gnu character? Phthoo!

  21. Maggot says:

    persevere with the talking gnu – best book I ever read had a talking mole who went round a farmyard trying to find out who had shat on his head!

  22. Maggot, I don’t think I’m alone when I say I have to know the title of that book.

  23. peckerhead says:

    It didn’t have Frank Dunlop in it, did it?

  24. RockyRoader says:

    So – no gnus then?
    Ah well, another quiet day.

  25. Maggot says:

    “The Story of the Little Mole who knew it was None of his Business” by Werner Holzwarth problemchildebride.

  26. alfie says:

    Instead of a Gnus why not have Hostages, they’r the same thing,..but bigger..

  27. O'Reilly says:

    How about a multi millionaire who made his fortune from selling Bertie Ahern fridge magnets?
    I know it’s a stretch but more credible than a talking gnu.

  28. Ibanez says:

    wizards are all the rage now twenty. You could have your hero with a few tricks up his sleeve.

  29. Maggot says:

    How about a time travelling ruminant ?

    Dr Gnu !

  30. Johnny5 says:

    Publishers asked you to subtly remind readers your still writing the book then?

    You shameless cunt.

  31. kav says:

    No gnus are good gnus.

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