Stroke this
Posted on | June 1, 2007 | 18 Comments
There we were last night, discussing the cover versions that we’ve all been talking about, when Stinking Pete had a stroke right before our very eyes. His head went all wobbly and he stuck his tongue in and out really fast then fell on the floor. We thought he’d had a heart attack or some of the British secret service had found out his true identity and given him a dose of Polonium 210 but it was just a plain old stroke.
We brought him to the doctors and they had a good look at him. The only obvious side effect is that the only words he can speak are terrible lyrics from 80s songs.
“How are you feeling, Pete?”, I asked from his bedside after the doctor went.
“I’ll have a shower, And then phone my brother up, Within the hour, I’ll smash another cup”, he said. We didn’t like to tell him his brother has been dead for 15 years and that smashing cups was probably best avoided so as not to bring on another stroke.
“Do you need anything from the shop? Water? Magazine?”, asked Jimmy.
Says Pete, ” You walked into the room, I just had to laugh. The face you wore was cool, you were a photograph.”
“Right so”, said Jimmy wondering why Pete had laughed at him as he walked in before he wandered off to get him Mole Enthusiasts Monthly.
“The doctor says you’ll be grand in time. Might take a bit of rehab though. Speech therapy and all that. Might not do you any harm, in fairness, you were always a mumbly cunt.”
“I, I live among the creatures of the night. I haven’t got the will to try and fight”, said Pete and I went off to get the doctor again because he was obviously hallucinating and seeing demons in the corners of the room and if he didn’t have the will to try and fight them they’d torment him all night long. Demons are cunts like that.
A short time later I came back with the Indian doctor who took his temperature again.
“Mr Stinking? Mr Stinking? How is it that you are feeling now?”
Before he could even answer Pete was out of the bed and had discarded his paper thin hospital smock before starting to dance wildly.
“So come on baby, won’t you show some class? Why you want to move so fast. We don’t have to take our clothes off, To have a good time, Oh no! We could dance & party all night, And drink some cherry wine, Uh huh.”
That was enough for the doctor. Not only had he taken his clothes off to have a good time Pete was openly advocating the consumption of cherry wine. He gave him a large sedative and got an orderly to put his naked, Mr Burnsesque body back to bed.
We’ll go up later and see how he is. I hope he makes it. I’d hate to have to make a brand new friend.
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18 Responses to “Stroke this”
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June 1st, 2007 @ 10:10 am
Deadly.
June 1st, 2007 @ 10:20 am
It seems That Stinking Pete may be suffering from some serious mental illness that only he knows about.
“Music therapy is a psychotherapeutic method that uses musical interaction as a means of communication and expression. The aim of the therapy is to help people with serious mental illness to develop relationships and to address issues they may not be able to using words alone”
June 1st, 2007 @ 10:36 am
Ah fuck ya Twenty. I was working on a post with some 80′s music lyrics as the hook and now it’ll just look like I’m copying you if I publish it.
June 1st, 2007 @ 10:40 am
But sure I’ll probably do it anyway.
June 1st, 2007 @ 10:41 am
80s lyrics are free for everyone, Kav.
June 1st, 2007 @ 10:56 am
Just briefly going back to the cover versions again… I was looking through the YouTube links for cover versions in the original blog entry when I remembered seeing Neil Hannon (complete with a 20 piece orchestra) covering “No One Knows” by Queens of the Stone Age.
June 1st, 2007 @ 11:01 am
thats the last thing you need in your life Twenty – more Commotions
June 1st, 2007 @ 11:01 am
Free to do whatever I, whatever I choose and I’ll sing the blues if I want.
Oh crap, that was 90s.
June 1st, 2007 @ 11:03 am
..and back to cover versions. Today is the 40th anniversary of the release of Sergeant Peppers Lonely Heart Club Band and I see that an album featuring covers of all the tracks is planned. Who would be most appropriate (and credible) to sing “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” on the new album
June 1st, 2007 @ 11:05 am
heh, dearg.
June 1st, 2007 @ 3:50 pm
2 things – if I hear another Sgt Pepper’s bit on the radio I am going to….. Nah, actually, I’m not a violent person. I’ll just be really pissed off. Actually I did get a cheap smile out of them referring to it as Sgt Peeper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band on the news at one on Radio 1 :-)
Secondly – Best. Post. Ever.
June 1st, 2007 @ 3:59 pm
Twenty’s right. Making new friends is a pisser.
June 1st, 2007 @ 5:28 pm
Hey, don’t knock Mole Enthusiast’s Monthly ’til you’ve tried it.
June 1st, 2007 @ 5:34 pm
ha party fears two… excellent.
June 1st, 2007 @ 8:11 pm
He’ll hear the secrets that you keep
When you’re talking in your sleep.
June 2nd, 2007 @ 1:18 am
I want to know what loves is. I really do. Can an adult man really “love” a kebab?
June 3rd, 2007 @ 10:14 am
Only when you’re drunk Manuel, just like you love everything when you’re drunk. Or was that due to the ecstasy? I can’t remember.
June 3rd, 2007 @ 6:20 pm
you’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel now.
Time for a new career move methinks……..