“What did you do at the weekend then?”, Dirty Dave asked Stinking Pete.
“Well, I decided I’d do something different for a change. Instead of hanging around this bar and getting pissed with all of you I decided I’d go hang around a bar in town and get pissed with strangers instead. Very friendly crowd they were too. The Front Lounge the place was called. All the men were very well dressed. Made me feel a bit scruffy, I have to say. What about you, Dirty Dave, what did you do?”
“Like you, Stinking Pete, I decided that my weekends were becoming somewhat staid and, dare I say it, a touch on the boring side. As much as I like my pints and the scintillating chatter we go on with sometimes one needs a change of scenery. I went and bought an easel and some canvas and I found my old mum’s paints so I went to Powerscourt and did some oils of the waterfall. It’s a bit ‘arty farty’, I know, but I’m more than just a half-wit who smells badly.”
“Yeah, you certainly are”, I said.
“And you, Twenty? Did you get up to anything strange this weekend?”
“Funny you should mention it. I left my house and walked all the way to the Hellfire Club bringing with me only a bacon sandwich, a bottle of water and a large amount of highly potent grass. When I got there I ate my sandwich and smoked a couple of big, fat joints until I began to hear noises coming from inside the Hellfire Club. In true horror movie style I went inside to see if I could find out what was making this noise. The long walk and being quite stoned indeed had me all set to come face to face with the devil himself, what with his history at that place, but it turns out it was a couple of teenagers who seemed to take quite a shock when they saw me and they ran away screaming. I merely smoked another fat one and walked home.”
“How very healthy of you”, said Jimmy. “And amazingly enough this weekend I too broke from the norm and varied my activities. I hired a recording studio and finally laid down some vocals for my album of 70s disco cover versions. I have to say ‘Ladies Night’ is particularly rocking. Lucky Luciano, how about you?”
“Is a strange. This weekend Mrs Lucky she a want to go cinema, like always, and you know I a hate a the cinema. So is impossible to say no a to Mrs Lucky so we go to cinema and when film she a starts I say ‘Bella, I have to go poo. Back soon’, but instead of making a brown baby boy I a go to the shops and buy Playstation a 3. I come back when a film is a nearly over and say ‘So sorry but I have a the arse of a fire and it burn me and the poo don’t stop a flowing’. She don’t even notice; is too busy looking at a the Johnny Depp in Pyrex of the a Caribbean.”
“What did you get up to Splodge?”, asked Dave.
“I went into town and lured a tramp to the Phoenix Park where I gave him a pint of whiskey, watched him drink it, then smothered him with his own filthy overcoat before setting his body on fire and burying him in a shallow grave in the gallops. Then I headed back into town and pushed a drunk bloke into the river before picking a fight with a pack of junkies on James’ Street who I zapped with the tazer I bought online from the states. Should have seen them twitch, the fuckers.”
“Same old same old, eh?”
“Aye. I’m a man of routine.”
Heh. You know, after the last couple of weeks, it’s a relief to be able to snort with laughter without also feeling riled up about the state of things.
I just have to say that the picture on the front of todays irish times is fucking pathetic. pathetic for all concerned: the people in the picture who let it be taken and the newspaper for printing that kind of shit…it is supposed to be the “top” national newspaper…..for.fuck.sake.
You almost have to have some pity for that Nicky Byrne guy though don’t ya…
Imagine – the fright he must get when he wakes up every morning – I mean she’s just the image of Bertie…
Men always get well-dressed when they want in The Front Lounge. At first anyway.
Jaysus, the Dark Knight Returns.
And the handy thing is that Splodge doesn’t even need to use a mask.
sounds like twenty got the best idea, I’ll bet you were gagging for more bacon sambos by the time you got home.
lucky should have gone for a wii instead
The Front Lounge is it? Were you after a queer night out of the A-Gay type?
thankfully no one ended up in a hotel in Amsterdam…..
Could have been worse Shaz – Ahern could have had his hand on Nicky’s arse instead of his daughter’s arse.
he probably has too……
Interesting. Not one mention about having torrid, up against the wall, no holds barred shagging.
You Irish get your kicks in some weird ways.
torrid, up against the wall, no holds barred shagging?
Dana wouldn’t like that at all!