Dreaming Pete
Posted on | May 18, 2007 | 28 Comments
“I had a very strange dream last night”, said Stinking Pete.
“Oh yeah?”, I said because he was sitting right next to me and nobody else was in Ron’s and I had to speak to him.
“Yeah”, he said. “I was walking along a country lane eating a banana sandwich when in the trees I could see lots of red eyes looking out at me. I wasn’t afraid though because I knew if I stayed on the path I’d be safe. Then all of a sudden I was transported to a lush hotel room and I was having sex with Courtney Love.”
“What was she like?”
“I don’t really remember because she was wearing a suit of armour which sort of made penetration difficult and, I’m not sure how I knew this, but she had two rows of razor sharp teeth protecting her furry front bottom.”
“So fairly true to life then.”
“Yeah. Then what happened was I was walking down a country lane and Maria McKee was giving everyone a drink of whiskey but she was putting too much in the glasses so when it came to my turn there was nothing left. I was gutted, let me tell you. To cheer myself up I went out and bought myself a Nintendo Wii but when I got it home it wouldn’t work and a month later it still wasn’t working so I rang up Nintendo to complain and they told there was nothing they could do but to just wait and it would come to life sooner or later. I then stole an old man’s hat, which was blue, and went for a swim in the dirtiest swimming pool I’ve ever seen. There were horrible, damp, mossy flagstones leading down to the pool and lots of prawns in the water. Dead prawns. And you know the browny green stuff that comes out of their brains when you rip their heads off? Well, that was floating all over the top of the pool. Minging. All of a sudden I found myself on top of a mountain where talking goats were walking on their hind legs and wearing ill-fitting Orr’s Jeans and carrying enormous takeaway coffee containers filled with lattes and frappamappazappacinos.”
“Do you ever worry that your dreams are really rather too odd?”
“No, not at all.”
“You should.”
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28 Responses to “Dreaming Pete”
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May 18th, 2007 @ 9:53 am
A friend of Earl Flynn went down to hell to see how he was getting on, when he got there he saw Flynn sitting on a huge throne with a beautifull blonde on his knee, and a big whiskey glass in his hand, he said to Flynn this is a bit of allwright, Flynn said fuck off the glass is full of holes and thre’s no holes in the blonde!!
May 18th, 2007 @ 10:07 am
Now thats what I call a dream…talking Goats.
May 18th, 2007 @ 10:18 am
I don’t believe the bit about the banana sandwich. I think you just put it there for crass sensationalism and to draw the lowest common denominator into the rest of the dream.
Naturally, I was drawn.
May 18th, 2007 @ 10:23 am
Filthy things, banana sandwiches.
May 18th, 2007 @ 10:25 am
I believe the technical term is ‘Flow of Cuntciousness’.
May 18th, 2007 @ 10:27 am
Although he was technically uncuntcious at the time.
May 18th, 2007 @ 10:37 am
I spent a full summer ripping the heads off prawns in a seafood restaurant. Gak. My dreams back then were very like Pete’s, only without the banana sandwiches, red eyes, Courtney Love, toothy minges, Maria McKee, whiskey, Nintendo, old men’s hats, swimming pools, flagstones, talking goats, Orr’s jeans, takeaway coffees, or prawns.
May 18th, 2007 @ 10:50 am
Banana sandwiches and all their kind sicken me. There ought to be a fucking law. Or a fucking fence or something. Pen the sickness in! That’s the way! Round up the marzipan too while you’re at it. Mix it all up with the prawn brains and the talking goats and ((heavy breathing)) smear it all over the dirty filthy banana sandwiches for some hot banana on prawn on goat on marzipan action…!
Excuse me…need a bit of a lie down now…probbly the heat…yes, the heat…
May 18th, 2007 @ 10:51 am
banana on goat on prawn on marzipan is a sort of ciabatta actually. I’m hungry, is all.
May 18th, 2007 @ 11:12 am
There are lots of interesting things you can do with a banana?
May 18th, 2007 @ 1:33 pm
I dunno Twenty man, a banana sandwich and a mug of tae. It’s an underestimated thing – never seems to get the good Press it deserves though.
It’s not every fruit that works as a sandwich as well as a milkshake or in a fruit salad.
May 18th, 2007 @ 1:56 pm
Did the banana sandwich have sugar on it?…. mmmmmmh
May 18th, 2007 @ 2:24 pm
Butter on bread for a banana sandwich?
May 18th, 2007 @ 3:16 pm
Where I’m from, you put peanut butter with the banana sandwhich and then fry it up in a pan. Thank you. Thank you very much…
May 18th, 2007 @ 3:44 pm
And where is you’re from – Hell?
May 18th, 2007 @ 3:44 pm
I use to have banana sandwiches for my school lunch, many years ago. Ye loads of butter.
They were usually made the night before and not eaten till one the next day. They were a scary sight after about 15 hours in plastic box. They tasted greated though.
Banana sandwiches and a bottle of diluted orange, thoses were the days
May 18th, 2007 @ 4:52 pm
Where I’m from, you put peanut butter with the banana sandwhich and then fry it up in a pan. Thank you. Thank you very much…
There goes any fucking need for lunch today…
May 18th, 2007 @ 4:55 pm
Seems like the dream matches the man at least…
May 18th, 2007 @ 5:03 pm
Butter of course, if you’re lucky enough to have it.
Acquired taste maybe. The peanut butter idea is foul though alright.
May 18th, 2007 @ 5:17 pm
Elvis’s favourite snack was fried banana and peanut butter sandwich.
Yes butter. What kind of a madman doesn’t use butter on their nana sannies? Freak.
May 19th, 2007 @ 4:10 am
Cheese and onion king crisp sandwiches, now that brings me back. Mostly to my poverty stricken days, but fuck it I can laugh in face of those memories now that I can buy a pot of jam. Still have the odd one though, for the memories. Cookie sandwiches anyone? They were tasty too, crunchy and tasty, and not a bad mix after a dip in a cup of 20-minute-brewed Barry’s. Worth trying if you’ve been so far deprived.
Speaking of cookies, would you look at the flaps on Fanny! Phowr, but she’d put you in yer place
http://www.flipperfannyscookies.com/images/flipperfanny.gif
May 19th, 2007 @ 9:01 am
i had a similaR EXPERIENCE I ’68 , ONLY , IT WAS’NT A DREAM AND THE GOATS WORE LEE JEANS
May 19th, 2007 @ 10:08 am
I hate cunts who bang on and on about their friggin dreams.
Nobody cares.
Unless it’s about me, then I want to hear it….but not if you’re a fugly bastard and it involves the exchange of bodily fluids….
P.S Bannana sandwiches are like eating lung mucus between bread. *vomits*
May 19th, 2007 @ 1:24 pm
I fear your friend has issues having watched ‘Return of Billy the Kid’ as an impressionable young lad. The big question is he a Cookeen or a Frytex man. All five senses are in motion in this dream, take for example the banana sandwich, it’s not the consistancy of the banana but rather the colour he should be looking at….yellow and what does that tells us ? yes precisely. With regards to the bad fishy smell and the the double row of sharp teeth, I think your friend knows in his heart and soul a trip to the dentist is in order.
May 19th, 2007 @ 1:35 pm
Apologies that should read ‘Revenge of Billy the Kid’
May 20th, 2007 @ 2:24 pm
Banana on toast is fine but the stodgy bread and slimey banana make banana sandwiches gross.
May 21st, 2007 @ 4:21 pm
Ah banana samwidges. Yeah we got the butter AND the sugar if thw ma was feeling generous. Sometimes we’d just buther the bread and dip it in the sugar. Ahh..sugar samwidges….
The very best was Tayto cheese and onion crisps on a buthered slice tho.. lovely…specially all the crushed bits in the bottom corner of the bag…
Now there’s a dream worth staying asleep for..
‘Course ye can’t get bloody Tayto, King or any crisp of decent calibre over here…
May 21st, 2007 @ 4:28 pm
What about fried tomato samwidges? They were good too. Lots of salt and plentya buther. Used to have them for the ‘school tour’ for some reason. There we were in second class, going to the Boyne Valley, and having travelled on some shitty old Iarnrod Eireann bus for several bumpy hours and if the rain’d keep off for a minute all the little ‘uns would sit on the wet grass and eat their very soggy-with-bits-of-black tomato samwidges accompanied by the many-times-re-used bottle of diluted orange. The saccharin in that stuff was bloody great. All illegally unhealthy now of course.