Tonight’s debate
posted in politics |It’s gonna be awesome, isn’t it?
Enda “Man of the people” Kenny versus Bertie “Snivelling little shitebag” Ahern. I can’t wait. I think Enda has come along in leaps and bounds since he dyed that ginger right out of his hair and Bertie is showing the strain, big time. The bags under his eyes, the nervous twitches, the shuddering jowls and the knowledge that his campaign is floundering will see him go on the attack.
Enda Kenny: “…and that’s why the rainbow coalition is not just for fans of Barbara Streisand and musicals. It’s for everyone. The people of Ireland who need a change and who *thumps hand on podium* deserve a change!”
Bertie Ahern: “Your mum.”
Enda Kenny: “What?”
Bertie Ahern: *raises middle finger in well known gesture*. “Smell yer ma”.
Enda Kenny: “It’s typical of this government that they reduce things to the lowest common denominator. Look at crime, it’s been reduced upwards. Hospital waiting lists, reduced upwards. House prices, reduced upwards.”
Bertie Ahern: “Yeah. That’s what you say.”
Enda Kenny: “That’s NOT what I say. Those are facts.”
Bertie Ahern: “Says who?”
Enda Kenny: “Says everyone.”
Bertie Ahern: “Yeah. Yeah. Where’s your proof?”
Enda Kenny: “The proof is all around you. The people waiting on trollies are your proof. The people killed by muderous criminals are your proof.”
Bertie Ahern: “Got any of that proof with you?”
Enda Kenny: “Well no, but-”
Bertie Ahern: “There you go then. You’re spoofing. Liar, liar pants on fire.”
Enda Kenny: “Now listen to me…”
Bertie Ahern: *puts fingers in ears, starts doing comedy walk around stage*. “La la la la laaaaaa. No proof. No proof. No proof. La la la la la laaaaa. Can’t hear you.”
Enda Kenny: “This is nonsense.”
Bertie Ahern: “I know you are.”
Enda Kenny: “No, this whole situation is a farce.”
Bertie Ahern: “I know you are but what am I?”
Enda Kenny: *gets the ginger rage and punches Bertie in the nose*
Personally I think it should be mandatory for both of them to drink a couple of stiff whiskeys beforehand and by a couple I mean a pint. A couple of pints.
I haven’t looked forward to a TV program as much since Tales of the Gold Monkey.
