Hidden burper
I have a microphone beside my computer for my own good reasons but I had my headphones on and mic plugged in and the little mixing desk turned up the top just listening to the noises of the traffic and Bastardface snoring.
Then someone burped. I was quite startled because I knew I hadn’t burped and there was nobody else. Then they burped again. What madness was this? Then another burp.
Could my house have a phantom belcher? Then I realised it was my computer’s hard disk making a little noise which, under high amplification, sounded like a throat fart.
I’m glad I don’t have burping ghosts. I know some ghosts make things move around and make blood come out of the walls and all that but I’d like to think that if there were ghosts in this house they’d be civilised and not put the shits up me. I mean, I keep the place clean and warm for them and I didn’t make them into ghosts, not unless they’re…erm…never mind.
It would be curious though, wouldn’t it? Ghosts whose bodily functions echoed around the place or who clipped their toenails in the kitchen or ate their own bogies.
If I ever become a ghost I’m going to wear a long white sheet because Scooby Doo ghosts were the best ghosts of all.
May 16th, 2007 at 12:42 am
I like the chilling effect of a Scooby Doo mummy for childish terror, meself. I like the way it would unravel and there would be nothing underneath the bandages!! Whoooooaaaaaoooooo!
That Scrappy Doo was a right wee bastard. Ruined a fine cartoon series in the same way that mixed in roughly chopped vegetables ruins the cheesiness of your macaroni’n'cheese.
Watch out for your computer getting the runs though. It’s highly contagious and might make your stools soft too.
May 16th, 2007 at 12:44 am
Farting ghosts are not nearly as weird as someone sitting alone in an empty room with earphones on, a mike and an amplifier listening to…
… the empty room.
Actually that’s a recipe for ghost repellent.
May 16th, 2007 at 1:38 am
nah, Ghostbusters were the best ever.
Scooby doo ghosts were just the janitor dressed up.
May 16th, 2007 at 1:58 am
I’ve been telling little miss manuel for years that the farting and burping wasn’t me. I knew the internet would have the answer, but didn’t think i’d find it here…
May 16th, 2007 at 2:58 am
japanese ghosts (the grudge, the ring etc.) are the best because those cunts are relentless and you just can’t make them go away, no matter what you do. like irish political parties only with much more believable plots and better special effects.
May 16th, 2007 at 6:08 am
the only way to be really sure you don’t have ghosts is to line your walls with asbestos , any well informed spectre will steer clear of your house and belch elsewhere.
May 16th, 2007 at 6:54 am
If we’re having a ghost off then headless Scottish ghosts with hairy legs and woolly bobban knee-socks standing at The Crossroads are the creepiest. Which crossroads? You want to know which crossroads? One day you will know, friend, one day. One day you too will come to the crossroads in bobban socks and plead for your miserable soul.
May 16th, 2007 at 6:56 am
Sorry. Am drunk, partly on life and good times, but mostly on liquor and bad taste.
May 16th, 2007 at 8:28 am
Giraffes are bluetoungs!
May 16th, 2007 at 8:31 am
I have always wanted a pet ghost. If only you could buy one somewhere. (nobody knows of such a place do they?)
May 16th, 2007 at 8:45 am
For this reason the Vatican now includes a comprehensive computer repair and maintenance module to all exorcist correspondent courses. Act now and you will also recieve a full set of quality knives for you’re kitchen valued at well over 20 cent as our gift to you. Our dedicated team of salespeople are waiting for your call.
May 16th, 2007 at 8:50 am
If your mansion house needs haunting just call Rentaghost.
May 16th, 2007 at 9:20 am
Then call Ghoshtbusters.
May 16th, 2007 at 9:42 am
It’s the sight that I fear most. I’d rather have had a piece of toast – from a song about the ghost of a snail who was stood on and then eaten.
Anyway, it’s the chips that make the computer burp. They do it to me too.
May 16th, 2007 at 12:01 pm
As long as I can leave ghostly poo’s on the carpets of my enemyes when I go, i’ll be happy
Best thing about Ghostbuster’s were their enemies: In the original it was a Romanian fashion model who could throw lightening and stalked around a plastic New Romantic stage and in the second one it was an aging Michael Bolton clone. Scary!
Still, my favourite films after all these years.
I digress.
May 16th, 2007 at 12:08 pm
There’s a ghost in my house.
May 16th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
There’s a ghost in my machine.
May 16th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
…and I can’t hide.
May 16th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
It keeps on haunting me.
May 16th, 2007 at 7:56 pm
Boo!