I read in the one of the newspapers yesterday about a device that lets you have a ‘full night’s sleep’ in only three hours. It’s some sort of a cap and it sends pulses or some such through your head and allows to feel fully rested and refreshed after much less time in the land of nod than usual.
It’s close to, but not quite, what we called the theory of microwave sleep. When a night out had gone on too long and the sun was rising – then risen – you just wished you could go to bed, sleep for a while then feel instantly better. But what if you only had a short period of time before you had to get up again. Why couldn’t someone invent something which would allow you to sleep for hours and hours in a short period of time?
My old mate Charlie, a keen inventor, tried to do just that and he modified a Phillips microwave oven over a period of weeks. What he did then was keep a stock of white mice awake for hours at a time by poking them with sticks if they tried to fall asleep then he placed them into the oven and gave them 5 minutes on high power. Amazingly all the mice woke up and it was like they’d had their full 8 hours. They had busy, productive days and, seemingly, no side effects.
Unfortately he was unable to produce an oven big enough to test on people. Well, adults. He was able to test it on a focus group of babies paying their mothers £5 each per test. It didn’t really work out though. The children were like the mice and came through everything very well but parents want their babies to sleep for hours, not for just a few minutes, so he never took it any further.
Again their were no side effects to speak of, unless you consider them getting to exactly 5 years and 12 days old and then bursting a side effect.
I can go without sex for three weeks, and then cram it all in, in one none stop 3 hour session!!!!
What if you were to cut the person up, would they fit in the oven ?
That could catch on. And you can have roast brain for breakfast…
Charlie sounds like a fuckin basket case. Has he ever invented anything useful?
Of course he has – http://twentymajor.net/2005/11/15/charlies-fantastic-invention/
3 hours seems to be my limit, only wish I woke feeling full of the joys of Spring!
Sounds like the Ibuprofen has not worn of yet.
Ah, Eyehat. I take it all back. So how is Mrs Charlie these days? Dead, I presume.
A fella I knew had a similar thing when he was pissing. He has a 30 second pee in 3 seconds…they said it was a prostate problem.
Wouldn’t have to worry about sending the little bastards to college.
I am more interested in the opposite: getting my hands on a drug that replicates hibernation. In a flash, holiday problems solved. Dog, cat, canary and three children all zonked for two weeks solid hibernation, and off I go to the sun with a clear conscience. When I get back, they wake up and don’t even know I’ve been gone.
Oooh, that would be good. Any prototypes?