Buried alive
Posted in Blog by Twenty Major on April 27th, 2007
See that fucker who had a heart attack on Easter Sunday and was pronounced dead only for a nurse to spot the fact he was still breathing as they brought him to the morgue? That is one lucky bastard.
Leaving aside the whole ‘Why can’t you tell a dead person from an alive person you hospital types’ can you imagine if he’d been buried alive or cremated alive or, if he’d been a Jehova’s Witness, consumed by his entire family in an underwater feeding frenzy?
Being buried alive must be the worst thing ever. It’d be like that moment of terror you have when you think your head is stuck between some railings only a million times worse. Imagine lying there in a coffin knowing you’re 6 feet under, no matter how much you scream nobody will hear you, no matter how strong you are you’ll never get out. Minging.
Would you starve to death or die from dehydration or would it be lack of oxygen? I’m quite sure at least one of you out there knows the answer. Perhaps from a scientific point of view or from the ‘Yes, I’ve buried somebody alive and watched them on a camera top find out what they died of’ point of view.
Here’s one for you though. If you could bury alive the person in the world you most hated and could watch and listen to them as they came to terms with their situation would you be softened by their weeping, their childlike keening, so much so that you let them go, or would you watch right to the end?
You’d need to have no conscience at all for it not to live with you for the rest of your days, haunting your days and your nights, knowing they would have lived if you had given the nod.
On the other hand, fuck ‘em.
If he were a Jehovah’s then it would probably be an underwear feeding frenzy.
April 27th, 2007 at 12:10 am
…Yes.
And to answer YOUR question, Twenty, I’d have to let them go after the keening. I’m a benevolent god, me.
April 27th, 2007 at 12:37 am
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That’s the kind of shite the Korean monster dreamed about. Day in and day effen out.
April 27th, 2007 at 12:46 am
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oh! it’s just too easy…
1. michael douglas’s neck (visible)
2. denis the menaces’s shin
3. robert de niro’s wart (i know whareyou live motherfucker…..)
4. wednesday…
[pleasea respond—i feel lonely…
April 27th, 2007 at 1:02 am
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Haven’t you watched 24? That shite happens all the time, like.
April 27th, 2007 at 2:19 am
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The 12 members of Kerry County Council who voted against letting Marks & Spencers open a store in Tralee…bastards all of em!
April 27th, 2007 at 2:22 am
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Daniel O Donnell the arse faced cunto. I say bury him alive, let him scream and shout and on his last breath open up and let him out. Then apologise, move him to the next grave over and bury the fucker again in a smaller box.
If it’s worth doin’ it’s worth doin’ twice sez I
April 27th, 2007 at 4:25 am
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Daniel O Donnell is a shaolin master,
he trained with Mr.Myagi in the foothills of Tibet/Donegal.
he could break out of the coffin a la Kill Bill 1/2 whatever.then he’d hunt you down.wax on/off etc.
April 27th, 2007 at 6:53 am
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Well I would like to bury every pedophile but considering they would suffocate too quickly I would give them just enough air and water so that they slowly starved to death or had to resort to eating them selves.
After that it would be the inventer of reality TV mother fucker makes me suffer so he deserves it.
April 27th, 2007 at 7:21 am
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Actually P McC, I was thinking more along the lines of Edgar Allan Poe, but that just shows the kind of uncultured oik that I am.
April 27th, 2007 at 8:30 am
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lucky this never happens in a abbatoire.
April 27th, 2007 at 8:58 am
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Hmmmm, so he died and came back to life on Easter Sunday… anyone noticing anything biblical about this?
April 27th, 2007 at 9:24 am
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Uma managed to escape the grave in Kill Bill 2. I guess as long as you don’t bury anyone skilled in martial arts you should be fine.
April 27th, 2007 at 9:48 am
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The thing that would kill you if you were buried alive, is carbon dioxide poisoning. In a cramped coffin it would take effect quite quickly. You’re some morbid cunt
April 27th, 2007 at 9:58 am
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o’course it would be easier for vegetarians if the meat just got up off the plate and ran away.
April 27th, 2007 at 9:59 am
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James Blunt has been under my patio for 48 hours now, but the bastard is still singing (I suppose it could be crying, it is just so hard to tell with him).
Is it against the rules to chuck in a couple of scorpions or something? Just to speed it up a bit and make it a bit more interesting? I haven’t got all weekend you know.
April 27th, 2007 at 10:01 am
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Saved by the Bell?
http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/311000.html
April 27th, 2007 at 10:08 am
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Scorpions are always a good idea. Unless it’s German rockers The Scorpions in which case it’s a bad idea.
April 27th, 2007 at 10:23 am
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I would imagine those German rockers want James Blunt dead as much as I do.
In fact, does anyone know where they are touring at the moment?
April 27th, 2007 at 10:35 am
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I believe they’re on a 6 month tour of Cornwall at the moment.
That bell thing is cool.
You can ring my be-eh-eh-ell, ring my bell.
Sorry, I’m dead.
April 27th, 2007 at 10:36 am
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Can’t stop to chat, off for a walk ‘down to Goawky Paaawk’, imagine me saying that in a very nasally, Germanic way, after having 2 ‘those guys are crazy-rock-guys’ pre show beers
April 27th, 2007 at 10:53 am
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I would broker a deal with that c*nt David Blaine where I would convince him to spend a month in a coffin 9ft under. Then forget to release him but have a ‘live’ mic in there for fun to her the misrable b*stard whinging. Then cut off his oxygen and feeding tube. Voila !!
April 27th, 2007 at 11:01 am
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I think Lovecraft wrote one about that too. Worst thing in the world for someone claustrophobic. You’d die fast, but you’d go ten kinds of insane before you did.
I’d stick David Hasselhoff in and see if he could Hoff his way out of that one, the cunt.
April 27th, 2007 at 11:06 am
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You’d die from lack of air within an hour or so. Assuming the weight of earth on top of you did not crush the coffin with you in it.
April 27th, 2007 at 12:20 pm
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BUSH
April 27th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
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Mary Baker Eddy, founder of the Christian Science religion, had a telephone buried with her, just in case.
Imagine waiting for Eircom to get around to installing a phone in your grave at Glasnevin?
Or worse, waking up in the grave and finding that your Eircom line was dead, but service was expected ’soon.’
April 27th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
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Gun News:
A United Nations report has labeled Scotland the most violent country in the developed world, with people three times more likely to be assaulted than in America. England and Wales recorded the second highest number of violent assaults while Northern Ireland recorded the fewest.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1487949/posts
April 27th, 2007 at 1:50 pm
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Yacuncha: So f*cking what!?
April 27th, 2007 at 2:06 pm
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I think his point is give them guns and they will be more efficient than currently as now they only have knives.
April 27th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
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anyone seen dr. maroon recently?
April 27th, 2007 at 2:33 pm
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1)Fill a huge cavern with politicians. Throw in a set of steak knives and a box of matches then seal them all in.
2)Get some popcorn and plenty of beer. Invite all your friends over, then sit back and watch all the action on CCTV.
Shout encouragement over the P.A. system!
Take bets!
Who will eat who first?
Cry like a baby?
Shit themselves?
Face the end bravely?
Will they take a vote on who gets barbecued first, or just gobble up the weakest link? If they vote will it be a show of hands or a secret ballot?
This could be next big thing in spectator sport.
After the supply of politicians runs low, then maybe we could thin the ranks of hairdressers or real estate agents.
April 27th, 2007 at 2:56 pm
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Excellent ‘Stick’…this is obviously the way forward. Used car salesmen, double glazing sales people?
April 27th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
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Up to me bollix in Bibi Baskin!
…sorry what was the question again?
April 27th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
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Porridge, Maroon can be found wittering away over on his own site. He only posts once he’s consumed enough hallucinogens to light up the Eiffel Tower.
April 27th, 2007 at 4:02 pm
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” I only took the barbecued steak from Mary Harney because she’s a friend, and she knows how I like it done, nice and pink in the middle, a little charred round the edges, juicy and tasty, served in a paper bag.
I categorically deny that I had any knowledge that I was eating Michael McDowell’s arse. I was merely sitting in the cave, minding my own business, not asking for any favours, and Mary approached me, assumed the kneeling position as usual, and proffered said steak. As I am a bit skint from keeping a wife, a girlfriend, an ex-girlfriend, two daughters, two son-in-laws and now two grandchildren, I accepted the kind offer from my friend.
There’s nothing wrong with help from a friend, and you can’t blame me for any loss of life or limb.
Or arse.”
April 27th, 2007 at 5:18 pm
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Uma Thurman didn’t come back from the dead because she was a Ninja warrior, she came back because it was in the script. You can probably bury Ninja warriors, but don’t bury Hollywood actresses before you’ve read the script.
Then bury the lot of ‘em.
April 27th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
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It’d be like that episode of “The Twilight Zone” - the prisoner, in a bid to escape makes a deal with the undertaker. The next time the bells rings to indicate a death within the prison, the prisoner was to break inbto the morgue, climb into the coffin (with the corpse) and brought out of the prison to cemetry. The deal was that the undertaker would come and dig the guy out of the ground. After waiting longer than he anticipated, the guy turned on his torch and who was the dead guy…..the fucking undertaker. Now, then you’d be screwed……
April 28th, 2007 at 5:40 pm
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Sounds like you might enjoy “The Vanishing” not the Hollywood remake, the original french/dutch one. Isabelle had grave doubts about me when I said it was my favourite film…
April 28th, 2007 at 11:46 pm
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Grave, you say.
April 28th, 2007 at 11:51 pm
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One lucky “bastid” you mean!
6′ under: sure you would be dead before you realised with no air.
No I would go to all that trouble. Just like Clint said: ” if you’re goin’ to talk, talk; if you’re goin’ to kill / shoot, shoot. No fuckin’ around.
Cheers! Y:-) Paddy: the multilingualist.
April 29th, 2007 at 3:44 pm
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Sorry: wouldn’t go to all that trouble
April 29th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
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You’ve been reading way too much of BaneRants.
April 29th, 2007 at 10:55 pm
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The Vanishing - great movie.
April 30th, 2007 at 6:01 pm
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Oh, I’d watch ‘em to the bitter end. You’d have to provide air and water though, because otherwise they’d suffocate or die of thirst before they needed to take a shit…
May 5th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
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