Overheard in Ron’s
Posted in Blog by Twenty Major on April 26th, 2007
“Did you see they found a planet in some solar system which is the ‘twin’ of Earth”, said Stinking Pete.
“Like identical twin?”, asked Dirty Dave.
“I don’t know. It could be that other kind of twin.”
“Siamese?”
“No, you spa. Non-indentical. If it was siamese we’d be stuck to the other planet and it wouldn’t have taken them so long to find it.”
“That’s mad, so it is. So if it’s a non-indentical twin it means it’s the opposite of earth. Where we have oceans it has land, where we have mountains it has valleys, where we have volcanos it has …erm… reverse volcanos that erupt molten ice into the earth’s core.”
“Isn’t molten ice just water?”
“Well, it’d be ice to begin with but as it got closer to the core it would become molten because of the heat of the core?”
“But if this planet was the opposite of earth the core would be made of ice so the ice would become double-ice.”
“Yeah, well…it’s entirely possible. As a great man once said once you rule out the impossible the most logical next thing is the impossibility you’ve been ruling out once there are no more probables.”
“Who said that?”
“Arnold Palmer, I think.”
“Right. So do you think somewhere on this planet is a bar like Ron’s where the barman is a complete bastard like Ron?”
“Aye, that makes sense except he wouldn’t be a bastard. It’d be a nice bar too. With nice food and trendy lights and music, possibly provided by a disc jockey. And there’d be a guy called Clean Dave!”
“And a fella called Fragrant Pete who everyone would love and think is cool and who gets to do it every weekend with models and stuff.”
“Model airplanes? Like Airfix?”
“No, you clown. Models. Like Helena Christensen or Kate Moss or Bibi Baskin.”
“Ahh, that makes more sense all right. Imagine a bit of the Airfix broke off and went down your Jap’s eye.”
“Doesn’t bear thinking about. Do you think there’d be a guy called…erm…what’s the opposite of Twenty?”
“Sixteen?”
“No you idiot. That’s half. Well, maybe there’d be Twenty Minor with a black beard and who didn’t smoke in bars.”
“Hahaha. Yeah. He’d still be a cunt though.”
“Oh aye, no question about that.”
I know Dave and Pete are not the smartest people around but Surely they know the difference between Non Identical twins and complete opposite. Anyway how come we did not hear of two murders if you heard them calling you a cunt Ron surely heard them saying his Bar was shite.
Did anyone else see the connection between the finding of Krypton and this new planet in the same week?And was the krypton really found in a
Serbian Mine or was developed as a defence against a Super Man.
April 26th, 2007 at 7:51 am
As far as I know, Plato and Socrates has almost identical metaphysical conversations a few millennia ago. Curiously enough, Socrates was supposed to have been a horrendous looking, smelly cunt so he’d have been the equivalent of Pete. Although I’m not so sure about Dave. He probably thinks Plato is a Greek washing up liquid.
April 26th, 2007 at 8:44 am
1
Heh, Jimmy the Minge.
April 26th, 2007 at 9:14 am
2
Bibi Baskin. A Model Burial Chamber.
April 26th, 2007 at 9:30 am
3
I’m definitely moving there when they get the public transport sorted. I hear Richard Branson is going to be the first earthling to go. He expects a huge response. Apparantly he doesn’t care if he gets crucified so long as Virginism becomes the greatest and most powerful religion of all on Earth II.
April 26th, 2007 at 10:49 am
4
Was talking to the old fella about this, I explained that it was 20.5 light years away and would take 250,000 years to get there travelling at 50,000 mph.
“Wouldn’t it be quicker with Ryanair?” he asked, “probably” I said, “but it’s an awful long way to go without a meal”.
April 26th, 2007 at 12:20 pm
5
In the opposite world you’d have breasts and worry about your thighs more.
April 26th, 2007 at 6:07 pm
6
I hope that the oil companies get there first.
April 26th, 2007 at 10:22 pm
7