Misleading titles

Posted on | April 22, 2007 | 20 Comments

I was browing the shelves of Hodges & Figgis the other day and I saw a book called ‘The tenderness of wolves’. I’m always open to new things so I took myself off, at considerable expense, to hunt and kill a wolf in preparation.

After a mighty struggle and some loss of blood I got the carcass back home. I then went out and bought the book and there isn’t one fucking recipe in at all.

I feel swindled.

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20 Responses to “Misleading titles”

  1. scrumpleton
    April 22nd, 2007 @ 2:40 pm

    Same thing happened to me with ‘How to Eat’ by Nigella Lawson. Bought it, read it cover to cover. Not one mention of oral sex.

  2. Yacuncha
    April 22nd, 2007 @ 5:19 pm

    C’mon, Twenty, there are no wolves in Ireland outside the Dail. How did you get in, and what party did your wolf come from? FF wolves are very clever, but the PD ones — especially females — are too fat for the pot.

  3. Theswissjob
    April 22nd, 2007 @ 6:57 pm

    Pluck it, gut it, stuff it, roast it for four hours, baste with BBQ sauce and cook up a few spuds. I’m a leg man myself, can’t beat the hind leg of a wolf.

  4. derfen
    April 22nd, 2007 @ 7:12 pm

    You’re not supposed to cook them at all.

    You eat ‘em raw as quick as possible

    Where do you think the phrase ” Wolf it down ” came from

  5. size ten
    April 22nd, 2007 @ 8:02 pm

    You could still be in luck, have look it might be a Sheep in Wolf’s clothing!

  6. Fred Freegan
    April 22nd, 2007 @ 9:14 pm

    No need to buy books, Major. Ever hear of the library? Even more variety is to be found in Oxfam’s dumpster in Dundrum!

  7. Arth
    April 22nd, 2007 @ 10:19 pm

    I never took you for one to be affected by the full moon!!!

  8. Gluaistean
    April 22nd, 2007 @ 10:39 pm

    They ripped me off when I went to buy a book about Gardening – fukin’ so-called ‘Roots’ ; (

  9. Deborah
    April 22nd, 2007 @ 11:15 pm

    Right Twenty … I am on a mission as an Irish food blogger to find a good wolf recipe… watcch this space!!!

  10. Salem MacGourley
    April 23rd, 2007 @ 12:22 am

    Library? But that’s like …borrowing books! Without paying for them. How can that be right?

    You should demand your money back on the grounds of false advertising.

  11. Ariel
    April 23rd, 2007 @ 12:46 am

    Bit like that book I got my mitts on once “Excuse me, your life is waiting”. Excuse you? Who the fuck are you anyway? It’s my life, not yours. Billed as self-help, all it did was cause self-aggravation in the form of edifying arguments with myself. Did I feel cheated? Oh yeah. Regarding yoru culinary conundrum, I can offer Korean Dog Cuisine, would that do?

  12. Ariel
    April 23rd, 2007 @ 12:47 am

    Can’t do HTML to save my life – here’s the yummy doggy link:

    http://wolf.ok.ac.kr/~annyg/english/e5.htm

  13. kev
    April 23rd, 2007 @ 6:44 am

    it tastes like chicken

  14. Damo
    April 23rd, 2007 @ 7:50 am

    Become a veggie, then you save your blood, money and you’ll have to pick out less things from between your teeth – The Meatrix

  15. size ten
    April 23rd, 2007 @ 9:01 am

    Would a Greyhound be fast food in Korea????

  16. joeyjoejoe
    April 23rd, 2007 @ 12:40 pm

    Sounds like someone’s been taking a little inspiration from the Simpsons, not that there is any harm in that
    .
    Homer: “I’ll have to read Marge’s book! And I swore never to read again after ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ gave me no useful advice on killing mockingbirds. It did teach me not to judge a man based on the color of his skin, but what good does that do me?!

  17. Salem MacGourley
    April 23rd, 2007 @ 1:25 pm

    To, ironically, paraphrase South Park(whole episode they based on this): The Simpsons have been going for so long now that there’s conceivably nothing they haven’t gotten to first.

    Or in other words: “Simpsons did it first!”

  18. enidd
    April 23rd, 2007 @ 7:47 pm

    sadly, the pages of petrified intestinal gas by jurgen grasshoff have a little too much relevance to their title for enidd’s liking.

  19. O'Reilly
    April 24th, 2007 @ 11:01 am

    Do you know I’ve had a very similar experience.
    Purchased a copy of ‘How to cook a Wolf’, and it was full of fecking poems!

    http://www.amazon.com/How-Cook-Wolf-M-Fisher/dp/0865473366

  20. Twenty Major - Still Stirring in Dublin Blogs « That’s Ireland
    June 19th, 2007 @ 12:11 am

    [...] things like songs, and how he let people down when he saw Barry Egan. There are also puns and wordplay, reviews of Philip Marlowe and of Twenty’s poo, and regular cameos from Twenty’s mates, Dirty [...]

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