Election promises
Posted on | April 18, 2007 | 42 Comments
Oooooh, get this Fianna Fail is promising 250,000 new jobs if they’re returned to power in the upcoming general election.
It’s all going to go mad from here. What next? Fine Gael promises every man in Ireland a blowjob from Angelina Jolie? Labour promises to eliminate period pain? The Greens promise a hammock to every single person in the country?
The PDs promise to not be a pack of complete and utter cunts?
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42 Responses to “Election promises”
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April 18th, 2007 @ 1:42 pm
“The PDs promise to not be a pack of complete and utter cunts?’
Hahahahahahah, oh dear, wipes eye wonders why she didn’t get beans on toast for lunch.
April 18th, 2007 @ 1:56 pm
If anyone can promise me a blowjob from Angelina Jolie in a hammock they’ve got my vote.
April 18th, 2007 @ 2:17 pm
I promise you all that When I get elected there will be free pints for All Bloggers. The only catch is That I am a Fianna Fail Candidate so its a double edgeed sword.
April 18th, 2007 @ 2:18 pm
I don’t want a job!
Iv’e had a blowjob in a hammock.
Back a few years ago while on holliday in the West Indies, I used to have a midday nap in the nude on a hammock, one midday I had this wonderful dream that Angelina Jolie was giving me the mother of all blowjobs, some how duing my nap I must’ve rolled on to my front in the hammock, because when she swallowed I woke up, only to see a young goat walking away licking his lips,he must have happened to pass by while I was a sleep and thought it was his lunch time!!!!
April 18th, 2007 @ 3:02 pm
So does this mean that Fianna Fáil is trying to get elected in Poland?
April 18th, 2007 @ 3:43 pm
I’ve been trying to open a bank account since I got here. Apparently there is a three month waiting list because they are “short staffed”. What?! I have €50,000 burning a hole in my pocket – how many staff does it take to open an account?
April 18th, 2007 @ 3:45 pm
Are you serious?
April 18th, 2007 @ 3:46 pm
And, just for your own information, Allied Twenty Bank can keep that money safe for you.
April 18th, 2007 @ 4:08 pm
250,000 new jobs. To replace the 500,000 lost ones.
So, what happens exactly is the plan I wonder, for when the likes of Dell leaves Limerick, thus turning the place into a ghost town, there’s thousands of empty houses owned by foreigners and/or the banks scattered all over the countryside and everybody is riddled in debt because they taught those jobs were there forever but they’re not and the equity in the houses is fucked.
Sad Answer – Emigration.
Happy Answer – You won’t have a job but houses will be affordable.
Might not come to that like.
April 18th, 2007 @ 4:49 pm
250,000 jobs eh? They are probably going to the Polish, Lithuanians and the Serbs. So don’t get excited that any of the Paddys are getting the jobs.
April 18th, 2007 @ 4:54 pm
Gomaith, but when we lose all those jobs, we’ll stop being those selfish Celtic cubs and great people like Gluistain will come back to our ,spiritual, neighbourly,stone-broke country.
You see, silver linings everywhere.
April 18th, 2007 @ 5:17 pm
Woowoo – good point. I’ve said it before. This Celtic Tiger has fucked it all up.
April 18th, 2007 @ 5:20 pm
Size Ten, just what is it with the Irish and goats?
April 18th, 2007 @ 6:14 pm
Even if Fine Gael did deliver on this, they still wouldn’t win because our grandparents didn’t vote for them.
April 18th, 2007 @ 7:17 pm
i’ve heard promises like that before – they usually start “dear sir, i am the president in exile of africa and i have 52 gazillion dollars i would like to transfer to your account….”
the big question is if they can create 250,000 jobs just like that, why don’t they do it before the election and then sit back, relax and watch the votes roll in?
lying cunts.
April 18th, 2007 @ 7:27 pm
I hear that in Dublin Central, Typhoid McKenna is offering free TB with every vote.
April 18th, 2007 @ 7:46 pm
WeeWee you poor cunt – you still don’t get it do you? All you gobshites together couldn’t make thing work even with the huge cash injection that was handed to you on a silver platter – now your back in the pigshite you started in and the only thing that hasn’t changed is the big fuckin’ pathetic chip on all you Mammys-Boys ‘Oirish’
Me – I’m IRISH – worked my way up from the concrete mixer to having my own company, and boy am I ENJOYING it!
Go back to your chimney corner and whine a bit more now, like a good lad – shure its all your fit for….
April 18th, 2007 @ 7:53 pm
Gluaistean, it appears that the chip is resting firmly on your shoulders.Perhaps you should devote a little more time to running that ‘company’?
April 18th, 2007 @ 8:02 pm
considering gluiastean’s interpersonal skills, “having my own company” probably means “i’m on my own all the time”
April 18th, 2007 @ 8:44 pm
Jealosy will get you where you are, Littlespastic and pugwash : )
I’m laughing here – about to wrap things up for the week and I’ll be eating Steak tonight that cost more than you get of the Dole you pair of losers : )
April 18th, 2007 @ 8:55 pm
since ireland nearly has full employment who could fill the 250,000 jobs?
children? goats? robots?
we don’t need more jobs. all we need is to hold on to what we have.
April 18th, 2007 @ 9:31 pm
Is it just me , or is that gluaistean a bit of a prick.
Still, you can tell he’s a pure paddy
SHTEAK for dinner, sure you cant bate it for soakage..
April 18th, 2007 @ 9:32 pm
Is it just me , or is that gluaistean a bit of a prick.
Still, you can tell he’s a pure paddy
SHTEAK for dinner, sure you cant bate it for soakage…
April 18th, 2007 @ 9:43 pm
this political stuff is getting so boring.
April 18th, 2007 @ 9:51 pm
GlueStain! your’e to be applauded for the strides you have made in life, from concrete mixer to company director, and we all know that your opinions and comments are valued around here, this is why we would like to know what your views are on homosexuality among concrete mixer drivers????
April 18th, 2007 @ 11:54 pm
Just aswell Gluaistean is in the States,Otherwise he’d be Tanaiste after the next election.
On the other hand he’ll probably end up Governor of somewhere.
April 19th, 2007 @ 12:25 am
Yes, I’m serious. That was with “National Irish Bank” or whatever they’re called. I also tried with AIB but they said they couldn’t open accounts “between 12 and 2″, which was the only time I could get there.
The €50,000 was slight hyperbole though hey.
April 19th, 2007 @ 4:18 am
Gluaistean, are you an SUV?
April 19th, 2007 @ 7:51 am
Maybe the parties will have a bidding war – each offering more and more jobs until everyone will have to have at least three each.
April 19th, 2007 @ 8:54 am
Completely torn between the hammock and no period pain. Political decisions really are hard.
April 19th, 2007 @ 8:57 am
Too many gluaisteans are bad for the environment.
A gluaistean could only make it in the Land of Oprah-toonity. The rest of us can hack it here. Quite happily too.
Decent Guinness, nice countryside and coastline, real people, fewer gun-crazed loonies.
And I have a job with an Irish company, NOT serving the US market. So I feel even happier.
April 19th, 2007 @ 8:57 am
Mind you, a visit from Angelina wouldn’t go amiss.
April 19th, 2007 @ 9:29 am
Gluistain…But, are you happy?
April 19th, 2007 @ 10:01 am
Annie
Talk to Bertie. He’ll give you some advice on how to invest that 50k in Manchester.
Gluastain: Everybody here in Ireland is just like you say. Please don’t come back…ever, please
Finally, I happily vote P.D’s if I could get a blow job from Mary Harney………
April 19th, 2007 @ 4:01 pm
WeeWee – happy? I’m fucking ecstatic! That’s the feeling you have when you can afford NOT to worry about money!
Holidays where and when I like, a house here and several rental properties over there (don’t bother asking – the likes of you wouldn’t be able to afford the rent) vehicle of my choice not whats going cheap at the local Knacker encampment and so on and so on…
It’s the ONLY way to live – and any of you that says otherwise are only begrudging hypocrites.
Anyhow ‘Bhoys’ – enjoy your pointless little wage-salve lives and continue to live vicariously through TwentyMajor.
Have a NICE day : )
April 19th, 2007 @ 5:06 pm
Seems I’ve been Banned – way to go Twenty, turns out your just another sanctimonous old cod – sold out to protect your book deal, did you?
Cluastean
April 19th, 2007 @ 5:14 pm
Banned from what?
April 20th, 2007 @ 4:45 pm
Yesterday when I tried to log in under my own name – it would not be posted (dunno if this will be today either) If it was some flub by your servers I do apologise to you personally – put it down to long suffering frustration wiht the likes of WeeWee and Littlespastic whose cousins approach me over here on a regular basis begging for a job for a ‘fellow Irishman’ after being fired from ever site in the Midwest for drunken laziness and a sense of entitlement….
To make any amends that need doing – in the future I will give a chance to any applicant who admits to reading your Blog
April 20th, 2007 @ 4:48 pm
NOW its working!!! Sorry Twenty – mea Culpa. Shit though – My justified outrage with WeeWee and Littlespastic and Porridgecomplexion has at this stage dissapated so much that I can’t be arsed in rewriting the well measured, thoughtful and analytical refutation of their laughably ill-founded gobshite moitherings…
I will return to the sidelines and follow Twenty with the usual interest at how he brings out the REAL soul of ‘Oirland’ ; )
April 20th, 2007 @ 5:41 pm
Gluaisten, wow you are successful. steak for dinner!
holy suffering jesus. be sure and come back and tell us what that tasted like. steak no less. ah sure your probably codding us.
You stupid fucking prick
April 20th, 2007 @ 6:23 pm
Apology accepted, Glueface.
April 21st, 2007 @ 9:14 pm
Thanks Twenty.
Peader, I know you were named after the pig in your kitchen, but donning the ‘Oi wear a FAINNE!” is not enough justification for you to be the waste of space you are….