Do you want to me eat all my cheese in one go, is that it?

Posted on | April 11, 2007 | 32 Comments

Fuck all you fucking cheese making cunts.

Is there some reason you can’t make a wrapper for your cheddar which is simple to open, doesn’t require brute strength or appliances, doesn’t tear the wrapper right down the middle and is easy to close again so the cheese doesn’t go all hard and stale like Dirty Dave’s smegma?

Well, is there?

They’re obviously taking tips from lettuce packers.

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Comments

32 Responses to “Do you want to me eat all my cheese in one go, is that it?”

  1. Twenty Major
    April 11th, 2007 @ 11:02 am

    Oh, and if anyone asks “How do you know about Dirty Dave’s smegma?”, well, your mam told me.

  2. Sid Trotter
    April 11th, 2007 @ 11:39 am

    My mum? Yikes, I know she liked a bit of rough but Jaisus, that really is too much.

  3. The Swearing Lady
    April 11th, 2007 @ 11:44 am

    Hehe, how do you know about Dir… Fuck!

  4. Peadar
    April 11th, 2007 @ 11:48 am

    it should be illegal for manufacturers to sell any kind of food in a container that cannot be easily opened and resealed again. CUNTS.

  5. Primal Sneeze
    April 11th, 2007 @ 12:00 pm

    This is blasphemy! Blessed are the cheese makers. They shall be seated upwind of Dirty Dave.

  6. be.bart
    April 11th, 2007 @ 12:04 pm

    Yeah right! What next, time travel? Intergalactic transport at less than 2€/lightyear? Milk cartons that open without spilling?

    Get real…

  7. kav
    April 11th, 2007 @ 12:16 pm

    Linzi’s got these magic boxes that are just the right size for a block of cheese. They keep it fresh up to three times longer than your average magic box.

  8. fatmammycat
    April 11th, 2007 @ 12:19 pm

    You shut your filthy mouth about cheese. *

    * pats and comforts cheese, also nibbles it.

  9. kav
    April 11th, 2007 @ 12:32 pm

    That’s disgusting FMC. Leave Dave alone.

  10. fatmammycat
    April 11th, 2007 @ 12:44 pm

    ‘You’re my cheese now Daaaaave!’

  11. Simian
    April 11th, 2007 @ 1:11 pm

    @Primal Sneeze: This is blasphemy?

    No THIS IS CHEEEEESE.

  12. Sid Trotter
    April 11th, 2007 @ 1:15 pm

    Like Linzi, my wife has a series of click clack boxes that are extremely useful. They can be used to store a wide range of persihable goods and can be bought at a number of well known retail outlets for a relatively modest outlay. Well worth the initial invetsment. I must admit I like th eblue boxes better than the purple as their colour seems to fade after considerable use in the dishwasher

  13. fatmammycat
    April 11th, 2007 @ 1:22 pm

    “Ask yourself this? What would a FREE cheese do?”

  14. RamblingMan
    April 11th, 2007 @ 1:31 pm

    where i’m from (horrible place) smegma is generally referred to as “from-unda-cheese” … say it slowly. that said, get yourself a vacuum packer thing what sucks the air out of said package and leaves your cheese soft, pliable and hand fresh – hows that for daves smegma ?

  15. porridge
    April 11th, 2007 @ 1:34 pm

    never understood how the word fresh could be applied to something that is, after all, rotten lumpy milk

  16. niall
    April 11th, 2007 @ 1:52 pm

    wrap the fucking cheese in cling film or tin foil and quit whingeing.

  17. Fysh
    April 11th, 2007 @ 2:02 pm

    I have to agree with niall, it’s a bit of a non-issue.

    That said, any excuse to mention Dirty Dave’s smegma should probably be embraced. As opposed to embracing Dirty Dave himself, who should probably be, I dunno, deloused or something.

  18. Twenty Major
    April 11th, 2007 @ 3:05 pm

    Jesus, that Niall is such a fucking crank.

  19. TheDailyMagnet
    April 11th, 2007 @ 3:07 pm

    Im with Niall, get over y’self 20, just get some glad wrap and get down with Dave’s smegma and ya bad self and your cheese.

  20. Sid Trotter
    April 11th, 2007 @ 3:11 pm

    let us pray. Dear smegma cheese packers, forgive us our daily lard

  21. Littlesapling
    April 11th, 2007 @ 3:30 pm

    Freezer bags are great for that sort of thing too Twenty..get the ziplock ones and you can take your cheese on holiday with you too…

  22. kc slater rocks
    April 11th, 2007 @ 3:46 pm

    i like cheese, i also like cake, but not cheesecake

  23. Gomaith
    April 11th, 2007 @ 4:10 pm

    Cheese, please, Louise.

  24. problemchildbride
    April 11th, 2007 @ 4:54 pm

    I’d lend you my scissors but I can’t get them out of the damn packaging.

  25. Twenty Major
    April 11th, 2007 @ 4:56 pm

    That’s another one actually.

    If you buy any kind of audio equipment – e.g headphones – the packaging requires a fucking chainsaw to open.

  26. porridge
    April 11th, 2007 @ 6:10 pm

    you want to see the packaging chainsaws come in. almost as bad as those lucozade sport bottles with the armour grade foil under the welded on cap.

  27. Pinkie
    April 11th, 2007 @ 6:46 pm

    “Ask yourself this? What would a FREE cheese do?” ~ FMC

    HAHAHAHA! I love it!

    My da only has the use of one arm and he does get these great packs of cheddar – presliced they are. 10 slices in a pack… Nice thick cut slices and all. Lovely. I love me cheese.

  28. anna
    April 12th, 2007 @ 7:28 am

    This post is whey over the top!

  29. James Hooker
    April 12th, 2007 @ 12:01 pm

    Anna
    We’re on our way to your place now to have you drug out back and shot!

  30. daniel
    April 12th, 2007 @ 3:54 pm

    Chedder is not a cheese. Period.
    Cheese is bought in big blocks of at least a pound and cut with a decent cheese cutter.
    Ok, I’ll have to admit that only on this topic I miss my old country…

  31. miss trunchball
    April 12th, 2007 @ 10:11 pm

    just put them all in the chokey

  32. DD
    April 13th, 2007 @ 3:19 pm

    Some cheese packs have a sticker thingy that you can use to reseal it.

    Its not perfect but its something.

    Or you could just eat the devils partially dehyrated cum, aka easy singles.

    I personally am quite fond of that fancy chaddar in dunnes that has the chile in it….mmmmm

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