A happy tail
Old Charlie lives four doors up the road from me. He’s been there ever since I moved in and I would never claim to be the grumpiest old cunt in the neighbourhood once he’s around.
He has legendary status for berating anyone that might call to the door to waste his time. If you’re selling double glazing you don’t want to call to Charlie’s house. He’ll make you feel so small and pathetic as he points out that he already has windows and that as a fully functional human being he is quite capable of making a phone call to a window company should he feel the need to change the windows he already has.
He once reduced a current government minister to a gibbering wreck when he was canvassing for votes before an election. He lambasted him about promises he hadn’t kept, about government lies, corruption and shysterism for so long that he had an audience by the time he was finished. Yer man went straight to the nearest bar. Unfortunately for him it happened to be Ron’s and got a hard time in there too.
Anyway, Charlie has an old dog called Slattery. It’s part mongrel, part mongrel, so it’s a pure bred mongrel. He and Charlie go everywhere together. The shops. Mass. The bookies. Even Ron lets Slattery sit under Charlie’s feet in the snug where he drinks a couple of pints and a couple of whiskeys each evening.
Last night though Charlie came in on his own, gave Ron the nod for his drinks and went to sit down. Now, you’d notice Charlie being without Slattery like you’d notice someone else coming in without their nose. I decided to go in and have a word.
“Howya, Charlie. Everything all right?”
“Not exactly, Twenty.”
“The dog?”
“Aye.”
“What happened?”
“Not sure. He was a bit shivery last night so I left the heating on and put his bed over by the radiator. Figured I’d bring him to vets if he wasn’t better this morning.”
He took a drink and continued talking. His hands were shaking visibly.
“So, I got up this morning and he normally he waddles over, the fat lump, to say good morning. He didn’t do that this morning. I looked at him in his bed and he looked up at me and then he closed his eyes. Gone.”
“Ahh shite, sorry Charlie.”
“I’m telling you he waited all night just to say goodbye, Twenty. Had that dog for fifteen years. He was my best friend.”
“Do you need a hand with anything?”
“No, all done. Thanks. I sat with him for an hour and I cried. I don’t mind telling you I cried.”
“No harm in that, Charlie. Will you have another pint?”
“I will that.”
I sat and drank with him and he cried a little bit more over his dog.
April 4th, 2007 at 12:39 am
Ah jaysus twenty, are you tryin to kill me, I wasn’t expecting that. I’m feeling all maudlin now.
April 4th, 2007 at 12:56 am
still waiting for the punchline. you’re not thinking of becoming a serious writer are you twenty? with book deals and… oh
April 4th, 2007 at 1:35 am
:(
Poor Slattery
April 4th, 2007 at 2:27 am
An old man and his dog were walking down this dirt
road with fences on both sides, they came to a gate
in the fence and looked in, it was nice – grassy,
woody areas, just what a ‘huntin’ dog and man would
like, but, it had a sign saying ‘no trespassing’ so
they walked on.
They came to a beautiful gate with a person in white
robes standing there. “Welcome to Heaven”
he said. The old man was happy and started in with his
dog following him.
The gatekeeper stopped him. “Dogs aren’t allowed,
I’m sorry but he can’t come with you.” “What
kind of Heaven won’t allow dogs? If He can’t come in,
then I will stay out with him. He’s been my faithful
companion all his life, I can’t desert him now.
” “Suit yourself, but I have to warn you,
the Devil’s on this road and he’ll try to sweet talk you
into his area, he’ll promise you anything, but, the dog can’t
go there either. If you won’t leave the dog, you’ll
spend Eternity on this road ” So the old man and
dog went on.
They came to a rundown fence with a gap in it, no gate,
just a hole. Another old man was inside. “Scuse me Sir,
my dog and I are getting mighty tired, mind if we come in
and sit in the shade for awhile?” “Of course, there’s
some cold water under that tree over there. Make yourselves
comfortable ” “You’re sure my dog can come in?
The man down the road said dogs weren’t allowed
anywhere.” “Would you come in if you had to leave
the dog?” ” No sir, that’s why I didn’t go to
Heaven, he said the dog couldn’t come in. We’ll be spending
Eternity on this road, and a glass of cold water and some
shade would be mighty fine right about now. But, I won’t
come in if my buddy here can’t come too,
and that’s final. ”
The man smiled a big smile and said “Welcome to Heaven.”
“You mean this is Heaven? Dogs ARE allowed? How come that
fellow down the road said they weren’t?” “That was the
Devil and he gets all the people who are willing to give up a life
long companion for a comfortable place to stay.
They soon find out their mistake, but, then it’s too late.
The dogs come here, the fickle people stay there.
GOD wouldn’t allow dogs to be banned from Heaven. After all,
HE created them to be man’s companions in life, why would he
separate them in death?”
Author Earl Hamner
The Twilight Zone
April 4th, 2007 at 6:16 am
Slatts had a good friend in that poor cranky old bastard.
April 4th, 2007 at 6:47 am
Jesus, yesterday you had me retching andm today you have me wiping my eyes, you got me remembering Old smokey who was also mongrel.We had her for 18 years before she past on. Really need to start putting warnings on the blogs People in the middles east dont take kindly to grown men that cry.
April 4th, 2007 at 8:38 am
I’ll just assume that part two of that sad story contains the bit where the dog explodes
April 4th, 2007 at 8:58 am
I had to bury L’s dog a few years ago. Very tough. She’s talking about getting another one now. I’m not sure.
April 4th, 2007 at 9:19 am
A proper shaggy dog story.
April 4th, 2007 at 11:15 am
I don’t believe Twenty has finished this story – its probably part one – the twenty type punchline is missing. ……….i.e. then he ate him with garlic and some nice green cabbage or summat like that.
April 4th, 2007 at 11:47 am
Is that a true story? That’s depressed me…
April 4th, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Yeah I’m suspicious over the meaning of this story, the Twenty that cried wolf and all that.
MacDara said:
People in the middles east dont take kindly to grown men that cry.
Feck them, sure they’ll blow up over anything.
April 4th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
as I was reading this my dog came and laid her big ‘ol head on my lap like she knew what the story was… oh jeez do I have a lump in my throat or what!?!?
April 4th, 2007 at 7:58 pm
Yup. With all the bastards in this world, well, the love of an animal gets to us. I was there for both our dogs to put them to sleep. One when I was 11, the other when I was 20. The first was 13yrs old and had had a stroke, the second was 8 and had really bad cancer. I still get weepy about them, but at least I got to say goodbye.
April 5th, 2007 at 12:36 am
I’ve done that twice. Won’t do it again. Next dog will be when I’m old enough that it’s a 50/50 as to which of us pegs it first. And if you don’t cry when your dog dies you really are a cunt.
April 18th, 2007 at 9:39 am
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