Bertie is a traffic jamming cunt
Posted in Blog by Twenty Major on March 22nd, 2007
Isn’t Bertie a cheeky chappy? Today, in the Dail, questions were asked why a failed sensor and two minor accidents brought traffic in Dublin to a standstill.
Bertie says “Well, I’m very sorry that a van crashed into a lorry. I wasn’t driving!”
Honestly, he’s the most belligerent, smart-mouthed, impudent little cunt I’ve ever seen. How some of the other politicians have stopped themselves going over and giving him a smack is beyond me.
“Taoiseach, twenty-three senior citizens have died in hospital waiting rooms in the last three days”.
“Well, I wasn’t the one who gave birth to them in the 1920s and 30s, was I?”
“Seventeen people have been shot dead in Dublin city this last week alone, Taoiseach. It’s unacceptable.”
“Pardon me for breathing but did I invent the gun?”
“The price of a house these days is forcing young people out of the housing market”.
“Weren’t people happy enough living in caves not so long ago? They should be thankful for what they’ve got!”
It’s like the time that loophole in the law was exposed and that fella was released from jail for raping a 12 year old and Bertie stood there with his hands in his pockets like a schoolboy who knew he had to pretend to listen to the teacher give out to him but in reality he didn’t give a fuck.
I mean, nobody said he was responsible for the van driving into the lorry or whatever the fuck happened, just that he and his witless clit of a transport minister are the ones who should hold their hands up and take the blame when two minor accidents and a faulty sensor in the port tunnel grind the city’s traffic to a halt.
It’d almost make you run in the next election so you could gain a seat in the house and then whenever he gave a smart arsed answer to something you could run up and punch him in the bollix.
Almost.
Bertie: ‘Don’t ask me, I didn’t give the c*nt a book deal!
Well done to you, looking forward to the signed copies, he he signed copies!
It is well deserved.
March 22nd, 2007 at 12:34 am
Game on, Twenty. Let’s found the Fucking Angry Party, and get access to all that cheap booze that Fianna Fail members keep loading up on before they go driving home the wrong way down motorways, knocking down nurses.
Then we could pour a gallon or two of it down Bertie’s brass neck, stick him behind the wheel of a five axle artic, and plonk a wheel on the accelerator and point him towards the quays.
Let’s see him talk his way out of that.
March 22nd, 2007 at 1:42 am
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I meant of course to plonk a brick on the accelerator, but on second thoughts, removing the steering wheel and ramming it against the accelerator is an even better plan.
Oh, and let’s strap McDowell to the front of the truck with a microphone on so we can hear how girly his voice gets when he screams for help.
March 22nd, 2007 at 1:44 am
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And Cullen. Let’s just publicly crucify him in Croke Park. Bet the tickets would go for more than even the rugby ones did.
March 22nd, 2007 at 1:45 am
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Well done on the book deal, Twenty!
March 22nd, 2007 at 5:17 am
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Nice one on the book deal! Will it be written under a fancy nom de plume? Something like T.M. Dunhill-Gauloise.
March 22nd, 2007 at 7:24 am
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but he’s so cute - and sure isn’t that all you really need to run a cuntry
March 22nd, 2007 at 7:29 am
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Would you do it Twenty? Ah go on, you could start a revolution. People would listen.
Major congratulations (see what I did there?) on your book deal - I’ve no doubt it will be a big seller.
March 22nd, 2007 at 8:19 am
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Jesus, a book deal. It’ll be the angry dubliner version of Ross O Carroll Kelly. Hooray can’t wait.
The surest way to becoming a crap celebrity is releasing a book with novelty appeal. Next you’ll be taking about the nights you spend in Lillies Bordello with Bono and the ginger cunt gavin Lamb.#
SELLOUT
March 22nd, 2007 at 8:33 am
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well done on the buke deal. I’ll get a copy for someone I hate at christmas ;)
March 22nd, 2007 at 8:42 am
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Huzzah!
But yes, Bertie’s a fucking fuck cunt shit. “I’m not telling you what I got for my Communion, either”. What a fucking arrogant tosser. I’d love to shove explosive earthworms in his eyesockets.
March 22nd, 2007 at 8:42 am
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Well what else would you expect from a bollix that parks on the pavement outside his Drumcondra office every morning, treats the speed limit like it doesn’t applty to him, and every other fucking thing, and still acts like he’s some gobshite who hasn’t a clue. The same type of people fall for it who still think Haughey was a fucking saint.
March 22nd, 2007 at 8:55 am
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Congrats Mr Major.Don’t go changing to silk cut purple now will ya?.
March 22nd, 2007 at 9:05 am
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What ho Major! A right excuse for sinking a few on the weekend no? Do we need excuses? Do we?
March 22nd, 2007 at 9:55 am
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Excuses, never! But as you know I am a moderate drinker, at best.
Cheers, everyone.
March 22nd, 2007 at 10:01 am
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Ohmigod, loike, welcome aboard Twenty!!!!!
It’s so great we’re publishing house buddies!!!! Don’t ‘Forget’ to txt me if you want any advice!!!!!!!!
March 22nd, 2007 at 10:03 am
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Well done mister. A book length shaggy dog story is one hell of a challenge ;-)
Are you going to start a new genre called bloke-lit writing under the pseudonym Cuntelia Ahorwen?
March 22nd, 2007 at 10:18 am
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I do hope that bastardface and throatripper will feature?
March 22nd, 2007 at 10:20 am
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I seem to have missed something here. Only been away for 48 hours. Book deal? Where and when was this announced you crafty b*stard?
March 22nd, 2007 at 10:44 am
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Congrats Twenty,well deserved. No doubt you will take the literary world by storm…
March 22nd, 2007 at 10:51 am
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Heartiest congratulations on the book deal! Will there be a tv series…….a movie maybe….who’ll ya get to play you? Colin Farrell, Pierce Brosnan………Woody Allen?
March 22nd, 2007 at 11:13 am
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Whats all this about a book deal am I out of the fucking country or something? Twenty If you run for election i will gladly step aside and not run against you.
March 22nd, 2007 at 11:14 am
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What the fuck is everyone talking about. There was no post about a book deal. Fill the rest of us in twenty
March 22nd, 2007 at 11:51 am
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By the way twenty the tunnel was closed for so long beacuse NRA are a bunch of stupid cunts who never envisaged that the sensor may go off. While Bertie is responsible the fault lies way down the chain with the morons who run NRA. Wven you have a back up plan for when Rons is closed.
March 22nd, 2007 at 12:00 pm
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No arguments with that, MacDara.
More details on the book deal later.
March 22nd, 2007 at 12:01 pm
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Single issue platform: “I will puck Bertie Ahern right in the fucking mouth every time he gives a smart-arsed answer.” He’d soon shut the fuck up and then you could get on with the books. Run, Twenty, run!
March 22nd, 2007 at 12:06 pm
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Right, nothing original left to say but well done anyway. Of course you will be called an “overnight” success. Except of course you have blogged away for 2 years and poured endless time and effort into your writing. What are the odds?
March 22nd, 2007 at 12:17 pm
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“he and his witless clit of a transport minister”
Hey-hey, hang on a sec - That’s slander against clits. Jesus..
March 22nd, 2007 at 12:52 pm
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haha..i thought it was a funny response. what a cheeky chappy. you wouldnt get enda kenny the witless bollox coming out with anything like that.
March 22nd, 2007 at 1:12 pm
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so what is the book stuff all about - you’ve signed a deal? sold your soul? are ghosting Bertie’s poolitical memoirs? … we need to know
March 22nd, 2007 at 1:33 pm
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Bertie Ahern is the most skillful, the most devious and the most cunning of them all - Charlie Haughey was right on that. His man of the people shtick designed to raise snorts of laughter and deflect from the issue gets right up my nose. It works though. What a neck.
March 22nd, 2007 at 1:49 pm
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Congratulations Twenty. I’m already looking forward to reviewing it.
March 22nd, 2007 at 1:51 pm
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What the feck are you doing on this site Cecilia - get to feck home right this minute
March 22nd, 2007 at 1:54 pm
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“Twenty Major Stories from the Blogosphere”…could be the title. Then only print 19.
March 22nd, 2007 at 2:00 pm
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Fair play Twenty. Nice one. If you want a few cartoons drawn to liven a few pages up drop a line!
Congratulations again.
Gomaith.
March 22nd, 2007 at 2:03 pm
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No because it will have to be clean language it can be called:
Cuntless in Thee capital.
March 22nd, 2007 at 2:07 pm
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Superb
March 22nd, 2007 at 2:57 pm
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Will it be printed on recycled paper, Major?
March 22nd, 2007 at 3:29 pm
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this is really bugging me.
how come everyone knows about some book deal.
I thought no one even knew who the fuck twenty
was.
Where did ye all hear about it? Twenty hasn’t said
anything about it on this site, or has he?
March 22nd, 2007 at 3:41 pm
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My stat counter has gone mental with people looking up “twenty major book deal”. Please blog about it soon so that my Recent Keyword Activity page goes back to people actually looking for ME.
And well done.
March 22nd, 2007 at 3:51 pm
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http://www.sineadgleeson.com/blog/2007/03/21/twenty-major-gets-two-book-deal/
March 22nd, 2007 at 4:21 pm
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It’d almost make you run in the next election so you could gain a seat in the house and then whenever he gave a smart arsed answer to something you could run up and punch him in the bollix.
Heh. Where’s Bernadette McAlliskey now that we need her?
March 22nd, 2007 at 7:02 pm
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Heard some stupid cunt give you book deal? maybe a good kick up the hole is what you need.
March 24th, 2007 at 11:56 pm
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eastmeath.org » Blog Archive » Bertie Part 2 says:
[...] In the “Funny because it’s true” category. This post. [...]
March 25th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
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