Ireland is like Crowded House
Posted in Blog by Twenty Major on March 20th, 2007
Global warming is a myth, isn’t it? t certainly is if the last few days have been anything to go by. Cold, hail, sleet, snow and it’s the middle of March. If global warming was real then surely we’d be having warmer weather as we got closer to summer, not colder.
Perhaps it’s just a case that global warming, if it does exist, won’t affect Ireland at all. While the UK might become an arid, dusty desert with summer temperatures similar to the south of Spain, Ireland will retain it’s temperate climate with overcast, rainy days the norm.
Let’s face it, you could stick a large outboard motor on our country, drive the land mass over to the Caribbean and we’d still have grey, miserable weather most of the time. Everywhere we go, we always take the weather with us.
I prefer hot weather, I have to say. I like walking outside and getting a blast of heat. I like to walk about my house in just my underpants with only an endless supply of beer to keep me cool. I feel that this kind of weather should be my consitutional right.
The Fianna Fail candidate who come to the door the other week thought I was joking when I asked him to do something about it and the Green Party was positively shocked when I said I was going to incinerate as much fossil fuel as I could to bring about warmer weather. Last week I burnt 650 tons of coal and oil and now it’s fucking freezing. The whole thing is a swizz, if you ask me.
There are thousands and thousands of people who make their living from going around telling everyone that global warming is real and that we should be scared and that we’re all going to drown but none of the cunts ever have anything to say when the weather’s like this, do they?
Let them fuck off and build their arks or whatever the fuck they want to do. I’ll sit here and hope we get a couple of days this summer above 20C.
Good point, and let’s not forget we only burn coal, peat and wood in the fires when its cold outside - and lo and behold - does it get any warmer outside when the fires are on? No feckin chance, you can still see the poo of a pigeon steam its way upwards. A myth is all it is
March 20th, 2007 at 9:28 am
I am still hungover, could not come to work yesterday as was bsuy recovering and dropping band back to Airport. They left here it was 23 degrees to go back to lonford wee it has been snowing since they left. They will be back again for sure if only for the weather. No more rain now until September, ok well they will be anohter five days when it rains but not all day.
March 20th, 2007 at 9:35 am
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Four seasons in one day. Sigh, you may now stab my mother.
March 20th, 2007 at 9:56 am
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I like to walk about my house in just my underpants with only an endless supply of beer to keep me cool.
Mummy, I’m scared!
March 20th, 2007 at 9:57 am
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Bring on global warming I’m freezing my t*ts off!!
March 20th, 2007 at 10:29 am
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A little bit of global warming wouldn’t have gone astray in Galway at the weekend.I have scarring on my lower arms from the hail.I’m doing my bit to help and have just thrown two lightbulbs and a handfull of used batteries into my compost bin.
March 20th, 2007 at 11:13 am
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What shite is this? You prefer hot weather to cold weather? Get something to say you pointless cunt.
March 20th, 2007 at 11:13 am
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If Ireland is bad for cold, Cavan is the worst part of it. I swear it started snowing the second we crossed the county border on Saturday. We froze our arses off for two days and then, just as we drove back into Longford, the sun came out and the temperature gauge on the car started ratcheting up.
I think that may be the first time in my life I ever said something positive about Longford.
March 20th, 2007 at 11:22 am
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You wear underpants around the house? I knew well you were a posh fucker. Linzi’s always trying to get me to wear them. Something about pubes on the couch. Whatever.
March 20th, 2007 at 11:22 am
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Part of global warming that most people forget is the fact that the seasons are shifting around - spring is getting later in a lot of countries, hence the snow over the last few days…
March 20th, 2007 at 11:38 am
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What shite is this? You prefer hot weather to cold weather? Get something to say you pointless cunt.
Some people, believe it or not, actually prefer cold weather to hot weather, you sniveling little shite.
Cavan is a scary and pointless place, Conor.
Kav - it’s probably the skidmarks more than the pubes.
Seasons shifting around? Sounds like the global warming brigade just shifting the facts around to suit themselves, Elly.
March 20th, 2007 at 11:41 am
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If it means getting rid of the piss-poor weather of my youth, I’m all in favour of global warming - right up to the moment where the oceans engulf my house.
March 20th, 2007 at 11:52 am
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Just buy a house high up on a mountain. Then you can have fun watching people drown.
March 20th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
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global warming is a bag of shite. scientists can’t even predict the weather with any decent accuracy for next week, so how the fuck can they tell us what’ll happen years from now? the world is still coming out of an ice age so of course it’s going to get a bit warmer. if the worst comes to the worst, i’m moving upstairs and changing my local to johnny fox’s. plus anything that makes athlone and the midlands in general go away is a bonus.
March 20th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
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It’s been so cold in my house lately. We’ve run out of oil, and I not have a cold. I’m going to buy an electric heater! Cold weather sucks!
March 20th, 2007 at 1:12 pm
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Ah! Twenty, Global warming had a senior moment.
I know I have them all the time…
March 20th, 2007 at 1:12 pm
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Twenty, you feckless wonder do you really expect me to believe Eoin’s not your sock puppet?
Like crowded house - what, painfully bland? We’re seeing the effects of global warming here, where mother nature has decided to rain all the rain she should be raining on central QLD, all over the nth-west in the space of a day.
Some nights here it actually gets down to twenty - but you go ahead and gloat now. I’d say the grass is always greener - but there’s no grass here anymore - Perth summers are as dry as a camel’s cranium.
March 20th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
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but surely is a camel’s cranium contains some form of amniotic fluid?
March 20th, 2007 at 2:52 pm
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er, I meant cerebrospinal fluid
March 20th, 2007 at 2:53 pm
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If the bafoon,Al Gore, keeps his fucking mouth shut, the temprature won’t rise. The Cunt.
March 20th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
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CSF for short Sidney.
March 20th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
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australia is mostly desert, perth is running out of water, and magnet complains about too much rain. must be a farmer.
March 20th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
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ireland could be in trouble with global warming - an anagram of it is “all bog warming”. having said that dale de moin marn comes out as “nominal mad deer”, thedailymagnet as “heatedly mating”, porridge as “gripe rod”, sid trotter as “red rot tits” and twenty major as “jaw(,) try me not”. make of it what you will
March 20th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
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Porridge comes out as soft f*cking tw*t…give or take a few letters.
March 20th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
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i always like to include you in these things dale because you respond so well to humour. just for you, another anagram - hating odes - hint, three words, first is go…
March 20th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
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I had to get the Philipino under-housemaid to read this for me after my eye-lids froze shut in the night. What is this glow-bar worming you’re talking about? Is it something to do with puppies?
March 20th, 2007 at 9:23 pm
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This is a particularly stupid piece of writing. I’m with Eoin on this one. If you’ve not got any ideas to write about, you don’t necessarily have to write anything. There’s no one forcing your hand, fella. Just hang on in there until something worth writing presents itself to you. That way, you don’t bore the tits off people. Oh, and, ah … Cunt! Way-hey! I said Cunt! Check out the big transgressive head on me!
March 20th, 2007 at 9:26 pm
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Nobody is forcing you to read it, ‘Vivien’.
March 20th, 2007 at 9:54 pm
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And in Ireland you can’t heat the stone/block houses anyway.
Global warming? Reflect that a thousand years ago it was so warm that grapes grew in Greenland. In fact, grapes and wine-making were as far north as Ely in Britain. It’s been getting colder since then. Those autos aren’t helping at all.
The recent UN Report on ‘Global Warming’ alleged that of the nasty carbon emission supposedly causing the warming, fully 18% came from cattle breathing, farting and shitting.
What do the Greens have to say about that?
March 20th, 2007 at 10:01 pm
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Heee, Hee. Poor Vivien seems to have inadvertantly stumbled upon a blog site for her polar opposites ie: those who’s penchant for witty, whimsical, nonsensical revelry outweighs their need for cerebral, competetive stimulation of an inter net nature. “He” should try googling nob-head.com for some more like-minded twaty-ness. Carbon di-oxide poisoning I suspect. Bless.
March 20th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
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“I prefer hot weather, I have to say. I like walking outside and getting a blast of heat. I like to walk about my house in just my underpants with only an endless supply of beer to keep me cool. I feel that this kind of weather should be my consitutional right.”
Shit, just move here to OZ
March 20th, 2007 at 11:07 pm
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hey Oz isnt all its cracked up to be. The heat never stops here and it plays havoc with the delicate constitution of a poor Dublin boy. Yes I live in Australia but I MISS the Irish weather. 2 weeks in the sun is a treat for us all but 6-8 months of it is a bit much.
1 thing you might not realise is that Ireland has the perfect drinking weather hence why we’re all so good at it. Drinking in the heat is a different sceal altogether.
March 21st, 2007 at 12:46 am
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Multiple personality disorder huh - that’s ok, so long as they all queue to entertain me.
Heatedly mating, huh - sigh… it’s going to be cooler tomorrow.
March 21st, 2007 at 2:34 pm
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& Red Hot Tits - nope, not a single solitary drop of cerebral cortex fluid for you, nor any of Jose Feliciano’s eye juice - dry as a donkey’s derriere, here dear.
Which part do you hail from Colonel?
March 21st, 2007 at 2:59 pm
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Hi Daily, Im in E Perth, are there any decent boozers in this town? There’s something wrong about a city with more brothels than bars! Unless you’re in the Navy right?
March 22nd, 2007 at 1:53 am
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Really, that’s not what I heard about sailors.
So I guess you must be one of the esteemed Cockburgers of East Perth, then, Colonel - I thought the name was familiar.
Pubs in perth leave a lot to be desired, there used to be a filthy old bikies pub on Lord St, with cheap beer and lots of backpackers.
March 23rd, 2007 at 2:03 pm
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Y I seen that, even though its closed its still better than half the open ones. Sometimes I bring the donkey in there with me and make brown cows using donkey milk. Yuuuuuuuuuuuum,
March 26th, 2007 at 6:59 am
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well iam in oz at da mo have been ere for 3 months the weather has been 33 deegrees some days,, it was lovely, but im goin hm to ireland next wed iam a little worried about da cold front… is it really dat bad?? will it ever start to pick up?????
March 31st, 2007 at 3:49 am
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