Sometimes I wonder about my friends
Posted on | March 14, 2007 | 9 Comments
“Twenty”, said Stinking Pete, “if you could be a samurai, a ninja or a zulu warrior which would you be?”
“Hmmm, an interesting question”, I said. “Samurai were fierce and intelligent. Ninjas, if the world wide web has taught us anything, are totally awesome and have real ultimate power. Zulus, meanwhile, are eight feet tall and can snap a man’s spine with one hand. However, their costume of a nappy and feathery head thing really wouldn’t suit me.
With regard to the other two the discipline required for both would disturb me greatly as I am a lazy cunt at the best of times and having to follow any particular ‘Way’ wouldn’t really suit me. So, this time I’m afraid to say I’d rather be none of the above although I’d rather be one of them than Wayne Rooney’s girlfriend.”
“How unusual that you haven’t chosen. Most unlike you, Twenty. Do you know which one I’d be?”
“A zulu?”
“No.”
“A ninja then.”
“No.”
“Hmm, a samurai?”
“How did you guess? Anyway, the reason I’d be a samurai is not because of their intelligence, their code, their fighting skills, their philosophy but because an anagram of Stinking Pete samurai is ‘mistaken pig urinates’.”
“Erm…”
“You see I find that incredibly hilarious. Not so much that the pig urinates, because every pig urinates, but that the pig was mistaken. What would a pig have to be mistaken about? Do they even have the self-awareness to know that they’re mistaken and would that bother them when they were urinating? Would a pig be standing over his urination spot and contemplating the mistake he made? I don’t think so.”
“Ron, could I have a pint of your finest poison, please?
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9 Responses to “Sometimes I wonder about my friends”
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March 14th, 2007 @ 1:48 am
I can always count on Twenty to make me laugh here in South America. Oh, the joy of the Internet!
March 14th, 2007 @ 2:04 am
Bet he’d be contemplating his mistake if he pissed on the samurai
March 14th, 2007 @ 5:06 am
enidd thinks he’s more likely to piss on the ninja. after all, “stinking pete ninja” is an anagram of “pig tints ninja knee”.
March 14th, 2007 @ 7:00 am
OK a pig hates lager , he/she drinks 4 pints of lager by mistake, stupid or lacking self -awareness or whatever the pig will have to piss out what’s left of the lager eventually, problem solved. Glass of claret please !
March 14th, 2007 @ 8:25 am
Have you been taking your tablets, twenty?
The right tablets?
March 14th, 2007 @ 8:38 am
It is interesting that Stinking pete would assocciate himeself with one of the cleanest farm yard animals. I would have seen him as more of a chicken, chicken coups stink.
March 14th, 2007 @ 10:23 am
Fucking chickens, and pigeons too.
March 15th, 2007 @ 12:48 pm
“Fucking chickens, and pigeons too”
I’ve never tried fucking a chicken. Is it good?
March 16th, 2007 @ 12:01 am
I’m surprised no one’s mentioned the unspoken fourth option, the one that weilds true ultimate Power.
The Pirate. I’d picture Twenty as more of a pirate anyway, and besides, you get a well massive ship if you’re a pirate…