Aches

Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on January 25th, 2007

Headaches are a pain in the arse, aren’t they?

Not literally of course because literally they’re a pain in the head although not for Weird Will who always claimed to have a pain somewhere then blame it on some other part of his body.

“Jesus Christ!”, he’d shout. “I have a fucking terrible pain in my head. I can’t sit down.”

“Take a couple of painkillers then”, someone would say.

“Ach, those things never do any good. I have to keep walking around you see because when I have a headache it’s my arse that hurts.”

“That’s odd. The cheeks of your arse or your, you know, ringpiece?”

“The whole lot”, he’d say.

“And you’re sure it’s not actually an arseache?”

“No, whenever I have a headache my arse hurts.”

“What about when your knee hurts?”

“Stomach ache.”

“And a pain in your stomach?”

“Lower back ache.”

“Toothache?”

“That’s down a problem with the joints on my big toe”

“A painful sinus?”

“That’s my left ankle.”

“Earache?”

“That is nearly always to do with my third vertebrae.”

“Backache?”

“Happens when I have a pain behind my right eye.”

“How about when you get that stabbing pain in your heart?”

“Kidneys”

“Sore throat?”

“Swollen elbow.”

“And what about when you have a pain in your arse.”

“Headache.”

“So, if you have a headache you have a pain in your arse and if you have an arseache you have a pain in your head.”

“Exactly”

“So how can you tell the difference?”

“It’s easy. I don’t shit out of my head.”