Astonishing attacks

Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on January 19th, 2007

Ever read in the paper about somebody launching an ‘astonishing attack’ on someone else?

For example: ‘Lily Allen launched an astonishing attack on Madonna saying she was using black babies as a fashion accessory and that her music was boring crap’.

Or instead of an astonishing attack someone might lash someone else, such as, ‘Andrea Roche lashed gossip blog Blogorrah saying she’d caught them going through her rubbish bins and found editor Derek O’Connor upstairs sniffing her underwear and making strange mewling sounds’.

Now, who amongst us in the blogging community hasn’t had a pop at someone at some time or other? Whether it’s me about Damien Rice, Damien Mulley castigating anyone related to providing broadband or Tom Raftery trying to get anywhere with countless customer service departments we’ve all done it.

However, it’s rare that a blogger’s opinion on anything makes it into the papers or mainstream media. It does happen every so often but not nearly enough, in my opinion. I would like lots of people to know that I launched an astonishing attack on the Vintners Association of Ireland for their cosy cartel and price fixing or that I lashed Charles Haughey after his death instead of doing the whole ‘Ahh sure he’s dead, he was grand really’ thing that so many others did.

What amount of celebrity status do you need to achieve this? I saw the front of the Irish Sun today when I was at the shop buying milk and that Irish guy that won Big Brother about 6 years ago was lashing and launching an astonishing attack on that Jade thing that looks like a pig for being racist to some other woman in that show that nobody should really give a fuck about. Now, as far as celebrities go he’s right down there. He’s not so much ‘Z list’ as ‘z list’ having gone through the alphabet in capitals first.

Why should he get to lash someone when I don’t? Let’s be honest about it, any blogger could be as famous as some twat who won Big Brother simply by exposure in the press.

So here’s the question for you? Why is there no regular column in any daily newspaper which covers blogs or what’s being said by blogs in Ireland.

I remember there was one in the Tribune for a while but that died off. There are sporadic articles about blogs and although I’ve been featured on a number of occasions nobody has ever asked me anything about blogs or blogging. I’m not that scary, you know. I’ll quite happily meet any journalist to talk about blogs once I can launch an astonishing attack on somebody in return.

Is it that bloggers don’t really matter and that’s why we’re not featured? Perhaps, but we matter a lot more than the chimps who win reality TV shows and we’re a lot more talented. There are some tremendously entertaining writers who could spice up any newspaper with a good lashing or an astonishing attack.

Do newspapers here not want to give coverage to blogs and bloggers? Maybe that’s it but wouldn’t a weekly, or even daily, round-up of the Irish blog scene only promote both the blogs and the newspaper that had the balls to do it? Maybe we need a Irish blogs HQ from which we can fire off press releases.

Date: 19-01-07 - Embargoed till 14.30pm

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Look, I want to be scathing, savage, blistering, vitriolic, caustic and virulent. I can do it here, you can read it, but damn it all I don’t think wanting to have to same influence as some no-mark ex-air hostess is too much to ask, do you?

I should mention that I will launch an astonishing attack and lash anyone who disagrees with me except the astonishing attack will be me running at you wearing a pantomime horse costume and I’ll lash you with a length of birch that’ll sting the arse off you.