Double same-named people are cunts

Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on November 29th, 2006

Like most of you I was shocked at the murder of Baiba, the Latvian woman who was shot in her own home in what appears to be a professional hit.

Gardai have suggested she was living in fear of her estranged husband who was trying to get custody of their two children. However, he’s in jail and therefore has a rather good alibi although again it’s not beyond the realms of possibility that one person can arrange to have another person killed.

If I was the invesitgating officer in this case I’d be looking very strongly at the husband for the simple reason that his first name and his last name are the same. He is called Hassan Hassan. His parents were obviously lazy cunts who couldn’t think of another name like Ali-Baba or Saddam Hussein Hassan.

Now, this theory holds some water. Look at Robert Kennedy. He was killed by a man called Sirhan Sirhan. Imagine if he’d been named Kareem Abdul-Jabar Sirhan. There’s no doubt in my mind that Robert Kennedy would still be alive today.

Sometimes the malign influence of the double same-named person is not just evident as they kill somebody. Look at Neville Neville. He was a man who married his wife and shot his double same-named spunk tadpoles up her chuff and she gave birth to two of the most hideous Premiership footballers of all time, Gary and Phil Neville.

People often think that Duran Duran were just an 80s band, adored by millions of girls, but they couldn’t be further from the truth. Le Bon ‘Simon’ Le Bon and crew were, in fact, responsible for knocking off countless other music stars in over the years.

Jeff Buckley drowned in the Mississipi. Nope. Andy Taylor held his head under the water then let him float downstream. You think Kurt Cobain shot himself? Wrong. It was Nick Rhodes disguised as a heroin delivery boy. Roger Taylor posed as a tree in order to take out Sonny Bono on a ski slope some years ago while Le Bon himself jumped out from behind a door and scared Muddy Waters to death. The list goes on and on.

So, if you ever come across a double same-named person don’t let the fact that they might appear normal and quite nice fool you for a second. They the purest form of evil on this earth. Stay away from them. Don’t let them near you or your family. In fact, if they do know anything about you it might be a good idea to change your name, sell up and move to the far side of the world.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.