Help me Residents against Racism…

Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on November 28th, 2006

…you’re my only hope.

Went into a shop yesterday to buy some cleaning products and as I was browsing the aisles a young Polish girl came up to me and said, in not bad but still funny English, “Can I help you?”

Naturally I was disgusted. I immediately asked for the manager.

“This girl said she doesn’t like me because I am a native Irishman. That’s racist. They’ll be taking our lands and giving us enclosures to live on next. I’m going to the trading standards authority.”

It was a very upsetting experience so I decided to get back in touch with my ethnicity by going for a full Irish breakfast in a nearby café. The Chinese waitress said to me “You want mushrooms with that?”

“Mushrooms?”, I cried. “How dare you!” and I sought out the café proprietor.

“This despicable supremacist here has just told that you don’t serve ‘my type’ and that I should find a café full of my own kind in which I can enjoy a hearty and typically Irish breakfast. You Sir, can take your prejudices and shove them where the sun doesn’t shine. I am a native Irishman and proud of it. You won’t grind me down.”

At this point I was quite distraught so I thought it best if I went home. I hailed a taxi driver and the Lithunian driver said as I got in, “Where are you going?”

Well, how I kept it together I’ll never know.

“You xenophobic cunt”, I said. “If I was to call up the taxi regulator now and tell him what you said, that you refused to take me to my chosen destination simply because I am a native Irishman then they’d have your licence so fast. What am I saying? The regulator is probably an Eastern European too, hellbent on subjugating the native people of this proud nation. Well, let me tell you something sonny Jim, at some point the people will rise up against this oppression and reclaim our ancient lands. You mark my words.”

So in the end I had to walk home. As I got there the postman from Ballybrack was coming out of my house with my TV and stereo.

“What are you doing, Jonny, you little scamp?”, I said. “Put them back at once.”

“Fair enough, Twenty. You’ve got me bang to rights.”

I gave him a little dig in the arm and told him not to do it again then rolled us a joint.

Ireland is a difficult country to live in these days.