Beware the pub of death

Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on November 17th, 2006

“Jaysus”, said Jimmy the Bollix, “I was just talking to old Rory Hooper. Remember him, Twenty?”

“Is he the fella whose brother went around cutting the hind legs off donkeys?”

“Aye, that’s the lad. Anyway, he drinks around the corner in the ****** ****.”

“Not a bad little boozer.”

“What was that?”, said Ron.

“Nothing, nothing. Go on, Jimmy.”

“Anyway, he says that the regulars there have been dropping like flies in the last 12 months or so. At least 9 of them have died and the wives of another 8 of them have kicked the bucket since this time last year.”

“Is that unusual though? We are all of an age, you know.”

“Well, according to the death statistics from previous years it’s an increase of 345%. That’s what you call a substantial increase, Twenty, but listen to this. Remember Jack O’Leary?”

“Was he the lad who used to wear a patch on his eye and throw handfuls of his man custard at the girls after school?”

“The very same. Well, Jack’s son had a baby a while ago and they had the christening the Saturday before last. At the christening Jack’s sister dopped dead in the church. Then at the wake after her funeral didn’t his brother go to the bar, order a round, then collapse. Massive heart attack.”

“Poor cunt.”

“Yeah, but then Jack’s wife, he married Betty Boyce, remember her?”

“Was she the one who everyone said had three nipples and one of the nipples was a big hairy nipple?”

“Exactly, well she’s been sick for a while and Jack went up to bring her a slice of toast and a cup of tea for her breakfast yesterday morning, they have separate rooms now of course, and there she was. As stiff as a judge’s cock in a room full of schoolchildren.”

“Fucking hell. That’s what you call a rough couple of weeks.”

“It is that and if any proof were need that the ****** **** was cursed then there it is.”

“It’s hard to argue with it.”

“Aye.”

*flip beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep*

“Howya Stinking Pete! Jimmy here. Fancy a pint later? Grand. No, Ron’s closed the place down. Has to have it fumigated after what Dirty Dave did last night. Yeah, I know. Filthy cunt. Anyway, we’ll be in the ****** ****. Around 8. See you there.”