“So bad it’s good”
Posted in Old blogger by Twenty Major on September 21st, 2006
Things that are so bad they’re good annoy me.
I’m sorry to have to take this issue up but the chaps at Blogorrah have forced my hand. This campaign to get Johnny Logan to number one is a great load of steaming horse shite covered with a mug full of Saddam Hussein’s jism.
Let’s look at the facts. Johnny Logan is Ireland’s greatest ever Eurovision song contest person. He won it twice himself and wrote at least one other song which won. Despite what many gay people think the Eurovision is a load of bollocks. A perfect example of something being so bad some people think it’s tremendous because they think they’re being ironic by liking something so utterly rubbish. Eventually so many people like the crap thing it gains some measure of credibility.
Back to that in minute but let’s continue with Mr Logan. He has just realised a new version of ‘Hold me now’ (which won the Eurovision) with some ‘rapper’ called Kaye Styles. Kaye is a girl’s name. Of all the rappers he has to choose from he picks one with a girl’s name.
Anyway, as you might imagine, it’s a desperate attempt from a 52 year old former Eurovision winner to gain some ‘cred’ and get a hit outside of Germany where any old cunt can be a star as the Germans have no sense of what’s good and bad (true for music, fashion, invading other countries, genocide etc). It is also one of the worst pieces of music ever. Imagine Damien Rice, Phil Collins, David Grey and Ronan Keating getting together and taking turns raping a kitten, recording its shrieks and then adding a bassline, some acoustic guitar and then all harmonising with the anguished screams of the violated kitty kat. The Johnny Logan record is a billion million times worse.
It’s not kitsch. It’s not hilariously tacky. It’s not so bad it’s good. It’s just bad. Really, really fucking bad. There is no excuse to inflict Johnny Logan on us again. I mean, you wouldn’t like it if I dug up your dead mother and dressed her up in showgirls outfit and made a Flash animation of her dancing around to ‘Yes sir, I can boogie’ by Baccara, would you? Exactly. This is the same thing. Let sleeping dogs lie. Remember the film Logan’s Run where people got terminated when they were 30? If only that had been taken literally and all Logans had been put to sleep we wouldn’t have to put up with all this cockjockery now.
Personally, and I know the boys at TCAL won’t thank me for saying this, but I blame David Hasselhoff. He’s the ultimate example of things that are so naff they’re cool.
‘The Hoff this’ and ‘The Hoff that’. Fuck off. Look, David Hasselhoff is a fucking cunt, end of story. Knight Rider was fucking shite, Baywatch was even worse, he was a pop star in, yes, you’ve guessed it - Germany! - and he’s just making a living making a complete cunt of himself because it provides him with the attention and headlines he so desperately craves, the needy twat. If someone put a gun up his hole and blew his guts out through the top of his woolly head then I might actually be interested in him for a couple of minutes but until that glorious day he can go fuck himself.
There are films like that too. As most films are completely crap I’m finding it hard to think of examples but the one that springs to mind is Starship Troopers. You just know they were making a serious film until they realised it was a bag of shite and decided to ham it up to make it ’so bad it’s good’! Cunts. It was just so bad it was bad. All the money and special effects they had and the best they could come up with as the baddies were lots of giant spiders. There are drooling vegetables in hospices with more imagination.
Yet still people will say ‘Oh that was a great film. It was wonderfully bad’. No, 19, it was not. It was worse than falling asleep at a party and waking up to find someone sucking your dick only to find it’s your Dad with a mouthful of your own mickey. Worse. Than. That.
The ever increasing rise in things that are so bad they’re good is a terrible reflection on our society and our lack of creativity. We’ve just given up trying to make things so good they’re good and we’re taking the easy option. We need to stop it and stop it now.
Johnny Logan? Fuck off. Snakes on a plane? Cunts up a cunt, more like. Get fucked.