Ryder cup bollocks
So the Ryder Cup comes to Ireland and town is going to be full of golf tourists. You’ll know them by their brightly coloured Pringle jumpers and their plus fours.
Some people are renting their houses out for enormous sums of money. There isn’t enough money in the world to make me rent my home out to golf fans. Let’s not forget it was golf fans that invaded Poland in 1939 and sparked the second world war. And it was golf fans who massacred the athletes at the Munich olympics. And golf fans blew up the space shuttle. And if further proof was needed of their evil then think about how clean our noses would be if it wasn’t for the golf fans who invented bogeys.
The people who took the filthy lucre will find it’s not worth it. Their carpets, furniture, curtains and tupperware will all smell of golf when the short term tennants leave and even with what they’ve earned it won’t be enough to replace and fumigate everything.
To be perfectly honest with you they drive me mental. I wood prefer they all stayed at home. They could putt this country in real trouble. I’d round them up, slap them in irons and send them back from whence they came. It’s the only fair way.
In case people think I’m some bloke who has never played golf I did play once. First hole - 450 yards, wind in my face, bunkers galore, took out the driver, smack, put it two feet away from the hole. Simple putt for an eagle. Next hole, 198 yard par 3, 4 iron, straight in, hole in one. I shot a 59 at Portmarnock and never played again.
I need a game with a bit of a challenge. Like Yahtzee.
